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I have a good friend that I have been lunching with for ten years. She and I have helped each other through many challenging life events during our weekly lunch therapy. She is one of the smartest ppl I know. She's a bad ass. She has a black belt in karate, she's taught theology, she has a license to practice law, she volunteered with me during Obama's 08 campaign, she teaches conceal and carry classes (very successful too).

You know what's next....

We haven't had lunch in a while due to the holidays, so we made a date for today. I was a little nervous in light of the Newtown and the resurgence of gun control. You see after the mass shooting in Omaha, she and I had a discussion where it became very clear that we found a topic which we disagreed. I decided that I should try to avoid this topic going forward bc really, what could two ppl do?

So this morning I got ready but thought about canceling, but I thought she knows how I feel. Well, lunch was great! I was relieved. Then the check came. She asked if we could discuss the gun thing. I shouldn't have agreed. I tried to be neutral. I asked questions but I guess she thought I was questioning her intelligence bc she started getting angry. Something I've NEVER seen in ten years. Her right eye was literally twitching. She eventually called me stupid for not understanding the constitution and the laws. I'm not stupid, I just don't agree. She told me that her guns were for protecting her family from the government. I almost laughed out loud, that angered her even more. Of course I said "you have an irrational fear of the government". I should not have said that. I should have realized that she angry over her perceived threat of the government taking her guns away. I should have been better bc I really don't think that our discussion was going to change what will or will not happen. I should have valued her friendship more.

This women has seen me through the darkest momemts of my life. After my mom died, and my son's illness, i sank into a dark pit of depression. She was the only person to confront me and tell me I needed help and then recommended a therapist for me.

I sent her a text saying I was truly sorry for offending her.

I don't think she will forgive me.

I want to cry.

Update: she replied "thank you, we're cool"

You ppl are amazing! Thanks so much for your advice and wisdom!

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Comment Preferences

  •  You are not an idiot. (33+ / 0-)

    You are human. With any luck, the same will turn out to be true of your friend.

    Let us all have the strength to see the humanity in our enemies, and the courage to let them see the humanity in ourselves.

    by Nowhere Man on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 02:44:15 PM PST

  •  And this is why I hate the RWNJ (16+ / 0-)

    media megaphone.

    It is virulent propaganda that makes people fearful, irate, and non-rational. I've seen it in my family. The "leftist" media (ha) is milquetoast in comparison.

    Hope things work out wit your friend.

  •  I Hope She Understands (22+ / 0-)

    I have a good friend, a former co-worker. We could not be more different in our political leanings. His wife almost divorced him cause before Obama took office because he spent much of their savings buying more guns and literally truck loads of ammo, cause well Obama might come take it away.

    We use a phrase my father taught me (who is a Republican).  Two smart and honest people can hold different views on politics. We can agree to disagree.

    It is kind of like our "code" word to stop the conversation we are having cause you are pissing me off and if it continues I/you might say something later we wish we could take back.

    It works for us ....

    When opportunity calls pick up the phone and give it directions to your house.

    by webranding on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 02:51:08 PM PST

  •  Oh dear... (26+ / 0-)

    I hope she will forgive you, but most of all, I hope you will forgive yourself. You are not an idiot. You are NOT an idiot.

    Wow, I could talk with you a lot about this, having lost a friend a year ago, someone who seemingly will never forgive me.

    First, take a deep breath, and then another, and then another. And give it a little time. She may realize her mistake in challenging you to discuss it.

    I will NOT tell you, as others might, that you are better off without her. Or "good riddance", or any of the other things some might toss off. No one else can know the value of this friendship to you. It's easy for them to be glib.

    Your heart may break. I hope not, and I wish you well.

    I get to choose, and I choose love.

    by Melanie in IA on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 02:56:31 PM PST

  •  Now that you realize why (15+ / 0-)

    she wanted to discuss the topic, let her know that you understand her concerns.

    A friend who carries and often posts about his new gun, does so for a good reason.  Apparently, three people have made explicit threats to him and his wife.  I realized he was posting pictures of guns to give warning through folks that know both parties.

    Now, I did challenge him about some of the shootings and publicly told him and others that there is only one person I know personally that could handle a surprise shooting situation.  That person used to run a facility where a person would go through a building and come across different scenarios and you would have to decide to shoot or not shoot.  This person also used a bow and arrow to kill a bear charging at him.  After my comment, but not something my friend has publicly stated, he went through a police training facility.  He admitted privately that he didn't do well the first time through.  

    Let your friend know that you support her right to protect her family, but have some differences regarding assault weapons, high capacity clips, and uncontrolled gun show sales.  All the gun owners are thinking we want all guns removed.

  •  You're not an idiot (14+ / 0-)

    Not at all.

    You sent her a text apologizing, which I commend you for doing because I would not have done that, and it's up to her now whether or not she values your friendship enough to forgive you.
    Even though I don't think you need forgiving since you did nothing wrong.
    You stated an opinion and the fact that your friend became angry and defensive is a sign that she knows she's wrong.
    Her beliefs in gun-ownership is her religion.

    We also have friends that were very good friends who helped us when we were in desperate need of help, but they are Glenn Beck followers and gun enthusiasts.
    They are also racists.
    But where we live those traits are the norm.

    My husband and I found out the hard way to never talk politics and guns.
    They truly believe that Obama is coming for their guns and they look forward to it, describing in detail the bloodshed that will happen because they are not alone in planning to fight against the government.
    I don't know who they think will win, because we ended up getting up and leaving their home when the N-word was used about President Obama.

    My respect for them dropped to zero and we are neighborly but no longer friends, at least on my part.
    We still deal with each other as neighbors, doing neighborly things such as watching their animals when they leave and they pick up our mail when we go out of town.

    You did nothing wrong but since you are so upset, I do hope that your friendship prevails.

    Hugs to you.

    •  I decided a few years ago that life is too short (7+ / 0-)

      to be friends with or even associate with racists and bigots.. I have decided some friendships are not worth saving if the people are bigots as I lose respect them and I then dread being around them or talking to them.

      Life is too short for stressful relationships and I do all in my power to de stress relationships or if nothing works, to end up. I always feel so much healthier and at peace and the doctor loves it when I remove negativity from my life.

      Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

      by wishingwell on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 04:18:46 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  She has the ability to break the law (5+ / 0-)

    by taking up arms against a police man or engaging in armed insurrection against the government, but those actions are illegal and the Supreme Court has made clear that that the laws prohibiting those actions are Constitutional.

    She has no legal right under the Constitution to do these things. This is not a matter of opinion or for debate. There are well established cases going back over a hundred years making this clear.

    She need only read Scalia's opinion in the Heller case, which found an individual right in the 2nd Amendment, to know that even he, the most conservative Justice, does not believe the right to bear arms is unlimited. He clearly states that it is subject to proper regulation.

    But beyond that she is advocating the "right" to break the law. You have the ability to do that, but by law you certainly don't have the right.

    Further, affiant sayeth not.

    by Gary Norton on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:07:35 PM PST

  •  There is something in the gun issue (12+ / 0-)

    that goes real deep. It may just be a current phase, but it's an issue that people get MAD about. On both sides.
    It feels like must be digging in to a deep vein of who we are as people and what we perceive the nature of our world to be.
    I first noticed this among gun owners and wrote it down to NRA propagandawerks riling people up. And they've certainly done their level best to ensure that no sensible dialog on this subject can happen.
    But I see it in the Gun Control side too. People are so hair-trigger angry over this subject that it's almost impossible to have an indoor-voices conversation about it.

    If I ran this circus, things would be DIFFERENT!

    by CwV on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:10:50 PM PST

    •  You Hit On Something That I Have Noticed (6+ / 0-)

      and I just don't get. I am not a gun owner. Fired a small gauge shotgun twice. Not my thing. But I come out in support of the RKBA group here all the time. I just can't get that upset about this issue on either side. I just can't.

      When opportunity calls pick up the phone and give it directions to your house.

      by webranding on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:15:14 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  perhaps the fact that innocent people - including (3+ / 0-)

      children are killed and maimed every day by guns (see: Another day in the gun crazy USA   ); or that added to our everyday stressors is the fact that you cannot feel safe or feel your loved ones are safe when at a mall, a movie, school, church;  or that the NRA side has all these irrational fears about gov't that makes them want weapons of war for which the only purpose is mass carnage  - perhaps those are a few of the reasons that

      the Gun Control side too. People are so hair-trigger angry over this subject
      just a guess, of course.

      "Don't Bet Against Us" - President Barack Obama

      by MRA NY on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 07:44:58 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  I have seen people get all bent out of shape (9+ / 0-)

    when they can't really defend what they are defending .

    I think maybe she knows you are right .

    "Drop the name-calling." Meteor Blades 2/4/11

    by indycam on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:19:50 PM PST

    •  Agreed plus the friend called her an idiot, I (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Marti, WakeUpNeo

      think the friend owes her an apology.  

      Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

      by wishingwell on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 04:20:03 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Agreed. "We're Cool" is a cop-out, nopology. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        wishingwell

        And she called the diarist an idiot after forcing the conversation.

        Seems like bully-ish behavior to me.

        •  I sense that as well or maybe I have seen that too (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          WakeUpNeo

          often when I was working as a therapy in not just family and marriage relationships but in friendships too. Sometimes it is only during disagreements that we see the darker side of someone. And it is at those times, when we see bullying or pushiness ..that we either have to set boundaries with the person or let go of the relationship. I cannot stress enough how important respect and tolerance are to any relationship. It is absolutely essential for there to be respect, tolerance, kindness, empathy and trust for any relationship to flourish and grow.   And sometimes in order for this to happen, boundaries must be set and talked about. My sister and I have a better and stronger relationship today because I set boundaries and she now respects them. I insisted on it as she does have a strong bossy streak, sometimes bullying, and pushy attitude and behavior. I had to call her out on that and I am so glad I did...we are very very close as a result of that.  

          Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

          by wishingwell on Sat Jan 05, 2013 at 08:10:21 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

  •  You are NOT an idiot. (14+ / 0-)

    Your friend is the one that said:

    her guns were for protecting her family from the government.
    That is deranged thinking. You knew she thought this way, more or less, and you intentionally kept the conversation away from it. She brought it up, She insulted you. She is the one who showed she did not value your friendship.

    It is very sad, but not your fault. You've gone beyond the call of duty. She unfortunately appears to be thinking and feeling exactly the way that the television she watches and the radio she listens to tells her to think and feel. I don't think there is much you can do about that.

    I'm very sorry.

    -Jay-
    
  •  She is not the only one out of the two of you (11+ / 0-)

    who is permitted to have an opinion.  She wanted to talk about guns, so you did.

    My argument about the use of a gun to defend against government is that it's no longer a viable use for guns.  Citizens with guns (even fully automatic guns with high capacity magazines) have next to zero chance against soldiers in armor, mustard gas, apache helicopters, drones, tanks, etc.  We don't have the same circumstances as we did when the framers suggested that citizens armed with muskets could stand up to soldiers with muskets.

    I am opposed to bans for different reasons, but I am also allergic to bullshit arguments.  The "citizens' defense against government" argument is a bullshit argument.

    Picture a bright blue ball just spinnin' spinnin' free. It's dizzy with possibility.

    by lockewasright on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:26:57 PM PST

  •  Give it some time... (6+ / 0-)

    I hope she comes around.

    Living in the South, I have dear friends who are hunters, evangelical Christians, birthers, pro-lifers, and at least one who is a bona fide Gun Nut.  They know I'm an atheist vegetarian Obama-voting Yankee, but we share other common interests and have the mutual respect not to "go there."

    That said, it's a balancing act.  You are not an idiot -- it sounds like you just didn't see your friend's reaction coming.  It worries me all the time that the same thing will happen with someone I think is otherwise awesome.  Again, I hope you and your friend are able to reconcile.

     I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine.     -- Kurt Vonnegut

    by SteelerGrrl on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:31:12 PM PST

    •  Wow I give you credit as I could never have (5+ / 0-)

      enough in common with a birther as I draw that line at that level of crazy..but i could be wrong.

      I also have decided, as has my sister and husband, to end relationships with haters, bigots and racists and we have never felt better about any decision we ever made in our lives. It has been so freeing and so wonderful and peaceful.

      Being around crazies and bigots and nuts....causes me more stress than it does pleasure..by a long mile. But then I am getting older too and have health problems which absolutely require me and my husband to lessen our stress level considerably.

      Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

      by wishingwell on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 04:22:55 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  It's definitely (4+ / 0-)

        a case-by-case basis.  I am on the verge of going no-contact with my own wingnut parents simply because they refuse to respect my boundaries.  Every week without a phone call is a good week for my stress level -- they're that bad.  

        OTOH, my gun nut friend and I bonded over dogs and gardening, and my birther friend is a master woodworker and artist.  I don't tolerate bigotry or racism, but I do try to build bridges with conservatives whenever possible.  Yes, I'm a hopeless idealist.

         I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine.     -- Kurt Vonnegut

        by SteelerGrrl on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 06:14:30 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  There are many nuances which get lost (6+ / 0-)

    in generalized discussions too.

    Even if you were not fearful of the govt. taking our guns, how do you really feel about the current situation in which a newspaper put up an interactive site where you can easily locate every registered gun owner in area near the recent school slaughter?

    It was always public record, so web just makes it easier for crooks with digital skills to find which house to rob for guns while you are at work  --- or which house is capable of defending themselves, so said crook knows to come prepared with means and attitude to overpower your defenses.  

    Trained officers tend to be a bit more nervous/wary when approaching a household where an ex-felon resides ---  even if said felony is long ago and had no violence.

    We hear a lot about gun show loophole which makes it impossible to know where all guns are.   Consider this --- when I first got my web feet wet there was quite a bit of information from dependable sources like stats. from federal agencies.    I was shocked at the large percentage of guns used by violent felons --- which turned out to have been stolen from off duty law enforcement folks' homes or vehicles targeted for that reason.    This data seems to have been scrubbed or I'd link.  

    Too much information --- can be a bad thing.   An ex-felon list seems innocuous --- unless putting it online helps current crooks guess which homes are less likely to have weapons or use them.  

    And I'm for abused spouses being able to arm themselves without a paper trail anywhere.    Why.  There actually are some officers who are abusers --- with access to such data.

    Some of us are paranoid,  but are also actually in danger.  
    Careful what laws we push -- without knowing "unintended consequences."     It is a hard subject.

       

    De fund + de bunk = de EXIT--->>>>>

    by Neon Mama on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 03:35:54 PM PST

  •  Come now, you are not an idiot... (7+ / 0-)

    ...and I doubt your friend thinks you are either. You hold a principled position...just as your friend does. A true friend will understand and respect that.

  •  I know how you feel (7+ / 0-)

    A friend that you've been sympatico with for years, that you feel agrees with you, that you have leaned on for support - and then this. You know that it's a touchy subject, but she approaches it first. And then you feel like she pulled the rug out from under you, sideswiping you with a pattern that you never thought she'd have.

    It's left you feeling discombobulated, feeling as if it's all your fault. If you hadn't brought it up in the first place (but really - how could you know how far did you realize her feelings and ideas went to begin with?) If only you had cut her off when she wanted to talk - but how could you know how the conversation she started would go.  If only you had found the magic phrase that no one knows about that would have set things right, and dispelled that nasty spell that she is suffering from. If only the world could be set right again.

    Guess what? It's not your fault. Obviously gun control is an issue that is a hot topic for her. But her feelings are her issues, not yours. You apologized to her and sent overtures after the argument. You extended the hand of friendship - and it's hers and only her decision what she will do next. Sometimes these fractures happen - and for a long-time friendship, sometimes a little time needs to pass for the fractures to cover over a bit.

    Sometimes you can simply call and suggest meeting as normal - and let this incident be pasted over. If you go this route, I suggest something other than talking over lunch - perhaps shopping, a museum, anything that allows a common conversation not about politics to take place.

  •  I'm very sorry this happened, (4+ / 0-)

    but I honestly don't think it is your fault. She brought up the topic, after all -- you had clearly made an attempt to keep the conversation away from it.

    She knew what your opinion would almost certainly be. You have had similar debates in the past.

    Frankly, it sounds as though she was looking for an argument.

    On the bright side: it also sounds as though recent events have challenged her worldview and she's out looking for confirmation of it. If not confirmation from someone who agrees from her, the sort of intellectual confirmation you get from violently clashing with someone who believes the opposite.

    She may yet come around. Until then, I think you've done all you can.

    Let's make 2013 the year we take back our planet.

    by Eowyn9 on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 04:08:20 PM PST

  •  I think your friend owes you the apology for (7+ / 0-)

    calling you an idiot and insulting you. You have a right to your opinion. If she has a right to her opinion, why do you feel you do not ? She wanted to talk about the topic and she brought it up. Yet it seems as though you are saying she had the right to be angry, outraged, and go on a rant and state her view but you are not? Why does she get a break for her views but you do not ? What makes her opinion and feelings more important than yours? Does the friendship perhaps work because you always agree?

    Watch for signs , that no matter how great this friend has been, that friendships can change...and if this is the first time you two have had differing views, how does she handle that? As I hope she is not one of these who is a fabulous, excellent friend BUT only with those who never challenge her viewpoint and never challenge her opinion/

    As that happened to me with a dear friend who was there for me many years ago. But the first time we actually disagreed on a topic, she decided the friendship was not that good and that was that. She wanted a rubber stamp and I was able to give it to her for years but the minute we disagreed after being friends for many many years...on something important to me..she bailed..I was crushed but later realized, she could not take dissent and I would not walk on eggshells..so it hurt a great deal but in the end, well 25 years later, I guess it was all for the best..but damn , it hurt at the time.

    Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

    by wishingwell on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 04:28:38 PM PST

    •  Thanks (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Marti

      But she has been there for me and has been a good friend. She cares passionately about her RTKABR, which is a relatively new thing for her.

      •  I hope it all works out but the friendship may (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        WakeUpNeo

        need to be discussed in terms of how it is not Ok for her to ask to discuss a topic and the minute you disagree, you are stupid and she flies almost into a rage.  
        That is not good in a friendship. Your feelings are just as important as hers. Your views are just as important as hers. Equality is needed in friendships and tolerance as well. You cannot be expected to walk on eggshells.   I thnk it would be great if after she calms down, you two have a very indepth conversation and some boundaries are established. I think she is not being tolerant towards you either and not respectful towards you as well.

        I do not think what happened is your fault as she wanted this discussion, she pushed for this discussion, you did not.  And for you to take all the blame on your shoulders is not fair.

        You should not have to cater to her in that way as that is not fair.  

        Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

        by wishingwell on Sat Jan 05, 2013 at 08:04:05 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  She asked to talk about it and you cannot (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Minnesota Deb, Paula68154, WakeUpNeo

    walk on eggshells. Real solid friendships, people do not walk on eggshells or rubber stamp everything their friends say. She wanted to discuss it with you and it seems like she is just pouting because you did not rubber stamp what she said. She should not have called you an idiot and you should feel like one. I think she brought all of this on herself and she needs to also apologize to you.  She started it, to be perfectly frank...she cannot expect her friends to always agree with her and rubber stamp all she says. That is too unrealistic and rather immature of her. If this gun issue means to her than you do, I hope that is not the case...that would be sad. She would value her guns over friendship and that would be sad indeed.

    Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

    by wishingwell on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 04:32:04 PM PST

    •  she didn't call me an idiot (0+ / 0-)

      I called myself that bc I didn't appreciate her feelings, like friends do.

      When I first came to this site, in 07, I got very passionate about HCR, for personal reasons. I could not have a reasonable debate bc of it. I think this is where she is.

      •  but she did call you stupid - same thing, and just (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        WakeUpNeo, wishingwell, Paula68154

        as wrong.  Glad things seem okay now, but name-calling is something I hope is not a habit of hers - that is definitely not cool.

        "Don't Bet Against Us" - President Barack Obama

        by MRA NY on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 07:50:46 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Anger is a tell. (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Paula68154

          You wrote this:

          I tried to be neutral. I asked questions but I guess she thought I was questioning her intelligence bc she started getting angry. Something I've NEVER seen in ten years. Her right eye was literally twitching. She eventually called me stupid...
          We see similar reactions from time to time in various diaries. Sometimes it is just human nature, but other times there is something else going on. Some people need to feel they must always control the agenda, always "expect" agreement, and insist on having the last word every time. For some it is a game. For others there is more going on, whether they realize it, or not. Raised voices are often another sign of these anger/control issues.

          I won't offer any diagnosis; not helpful, and beyond my expertise. But there have been people in my life who behaved like this --- even if only for one or two episodes. That was enough for me to either learn how not to let my self be manipulated by them into a painfully co-dependent relationship (see other comments that mention egg-shells), or to learn to let go of that person for the sake of my own health, safety and sanity; and perhaps my own reputation and relationships among other valued people in my life.

          It hurts, either way, when a friendship goes awry; but sometimes it does need to happen --- a wake-up event; a time for introspection and reflection.

          Lastly, some people we think we know, online and/or in real life do have real, sometimes dangerous, problems controlling anger. I am genuinely glad your tough "conversation" did not end in violence --- some do. Far too often. And sometimes words can be as hurtful as a fist, or any other weapon.

          Am not meaning to lecture you, but rather seeking to share how this situation presents to me as you have painted it in your diary, as I would for any friend who asked, from my several decades experience of living and learning a few things about life.

          Not trying to scare you; but anger is a tell. Please consider this, and be careful.

          Do what feels right for you. Really. For you.

  •  i have some dear friends (7+ / 0-)

    from my college days (a looooong time ago), who I see @ 2 or 3 times a year. We also have an email round robin that we all respond to @ once/month or so.
    We celebrate anniversaries of cancer-survival, support each other when family members are ill, and just "keep in touch" with each other tht way.
     Some of us are liberal city-dwellers, others are conservative small-town folk. Frankly, I don't know HOW conservative the conservatives are because we have agreed to never discuss politics.
    The liberal members of the group & I rant at length with each other, but not around the conservatives.

    I stick with the group because they are hilarious and fun, and there's nothing quite like the bonds you make when you are 19 and away from home for the first time.
    if the subject of guns ever came up, I would leave the room because I fear the ensuing "discussion" would sever a few 30-year friendships.

    I hope you & your friend can set some kind of boundaries like that. I think it's not your fault at ALL, because she is the one who seemed itching for a fight.
    BTW, I don't understand how people can rationally think they can defend themselves from the government with a few automatic weapons. If the government wanted to git you, it would git you, however large your stockpile was or whether your guns were registered or not.

    •  Boundaries. (5+ / 0-)

      That's key.

      I don't allow conversations to veer into dangerous territory, and I know when it's starting to.

      I use the phrase "let's not." That's it. "Let's not," and I'll stand up and offer more wine, more cookies; I'll call over the server and order some more nachos, or take the dogs outside.

      There is no rule that I have to be brought into a conversation that is not of my choosing. I won't sit and listen to someone tell me that my long-held principles are wrong when I've re-examined them again and again, and often arrived at those principles after difficult experiences.

      But I also believe in choosing my battles. Most of the stuff in life we fight with our friends and family over isn't worth the energy, the time, or the fallout.

      I hold tight to my principles, but I hold tight to my friends too. It's not impossible to do both.

      © grover


      So if you get hit by a bus tonight, would you be satisfied with how you spent today, your last day on earth? Live like tomorrow is never guaranteed, because it's not. -- Me.

      by grover on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 05:29:33 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  I have a friend I almost lost (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    WakeUpNeo

    We could talk about almost anything.  We had so much in common that it was a little freaky.  The one area we didn't share was religion.  She was attending a conservative almost nutjob type church, and I am at least agnostic if not athiest.  So we were walking one night and got into religion. She wound up saying that I was not willing to open myself up to new experiences and was closed-minded.  I wound up saying that she used religion to help her with the stresses of being a divorced mother of three.  I was a little offended.  She basically didn't speak to me for five years.  
    But the  important part is that she did finally come back to the relationship and we are again good friends--who don't talk about religion.  I think I was right, now that her kids are grown she doesn't attend that church and is less fanatical about religion.  It apparently was a phase.  And we still respect each other.  Your friend may take time to come all the way back, but if you keep the channels open, I would guess that eventually she will.  

    We should not be fighting about equal pay for equal work and access to birth control in 2012. Elizabeth Warren

    by Leftleaner on Sat Jan 05, 2013 at 12:15:28 AM PST

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