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Steven Quincy Urkel

Ultra-hip and unfathomably cool paleoconservative radio talk show star Alex Jones is alarmed. There is a nerd uprising happening out there folks and he's leading the charge to expose these menacing geeks before they break down your doors and force you to wear pocket protectors and play chess.

I'm telling you folks, nerds are one of the most dangerous groups in this country, because they end up running things. But they still hate everybody because they weren't the jocks in high school. So they play little dirty games on everybody. They use their brains to hurt people, and I'm aware of them. Okay, I see you, you little rats.
It's not just their little dirty games you have to be on guard against. These nerds are armed and they are dangerous.

Nerds have infiltrated the highest offices in the land and they are not always what they seem. The more sinister among them are not only RINOs, they are NINOs.

Mitch McConnell - Caricature

Great to Be a Nerd

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
The only light we ever see is from our moniter

We argue about comic books and internet connections
The biggest highlight of the year is the star trek convention
Our town’s not big enough to sign up any stars
But we once met a red shirt who was phasered by a borg
(man, he knew mr. sulu!) (what? )

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We wear our star trek uniforms and talk like captain kirk

We have our own heroes who we try to emulate
I dream of one day being as sexy as bill gates
We hate watching sports ’cause we’re reading carl sagan
But we’d watch the olympics if they played dungeons and dragons
(I’m a hobbitt! ha ha ha ha!)

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We think tolkein was a genius and shakespeare was a turd

We rarely get a date or get talked to by a girl
Unless they’re having trouble with their algebra homework
We’re emotionally bereft and we’re sexually frustrated
But we can download photographs of agent scully naked

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We know the truth is out there but we’d have to leave our room

We are the nerds in your neighbourhood
Polyester’s a fashion statement
But there’s more room on the beach for you
’cause we’re locked in our basement

It’s great to be a nerd, it’s great to be a nerd
We like to wear colours that do not appear in nature

It’s great to be a
Poorly-dressed fashionless
Star trekking roleplaying
Ninety pound when wet down
Pasty skinned pop drinking
Underfed genius
Yes, it’s great to be a nerd

pocket protector

They may seem harmless at first glance, but don't let their mild-mannered appearance fool you. That's no innocent little smile you see on their pimply faces. That is the outward manifestation of evil plots brewing in their huge rat brains. They are coming for Alex Jones. They are coming for you.

Female Harry Potter?

Oh, and they want your guns.

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