Life is a tricky balance between trying to improve intellectually while simultaneously smothering brain cells in the smokey goodness of some pineapple cush.
"Every cloud has a silver lining" Clouds are actually condensed water vapor or ice crystals, you annoying optimistic bastards.
If you're drinking more than a few energy drinks a day, it's time to man the fuck up and switch to cocaine.
Who do you call to complain about customer service?
You know what's debasing the culture? Not allowing pundits to fight to the death.
Spoiler Alert: I'm hiding in your refrigerator and I just ate all of your cheese.
So you're telling me it's just a coincidence that on the same day he shot the Sheriff someone else just happened to shoot the Deputy?
Don't ask "why did the chicken cross the road?" Ask yourself why the fuck you care about a chicken's travel plans.