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Yessiree, science lovers and all you other pointy-headed 'intellectuals' out there, a new element has been discovered… it's called… wait for it… "Comprendonium"!!! from the Spanish "Comprender", which means "to understand", (Yes, I know, it's a furrin' language) the new element is notable for its rarity in so-called 'normal' humans. Especially rare in certain segments of…. No, actually, on second thought it's pretty much a worldwide lack of Comprendonium. Witness what's going on in Syria, the ongoing Israel-Palestine-Iran sitcom, The Italian "Government" comedy, (I can laugh at that one especially hard because I am a "Roman Of Rome" I can actually truthfully say "Civis Romanus Sum" and therefore I am unquestionably superior to ordinary Italians in particular and all you other benighted people in general) the hilarious situation in Indo-Pak, and so many others…

Of course the good ole USA has an almost, shall we say, (And we shall) critical lack of comprendonium; take for instance the hysterical Idea circulating that "Citizens Need To Be Armed To Prevent The Government From Taking Over And Sending EveryoneTo FEMA Death Camps And Forcing Everyone To Learn French Gay Vegetarianism"; To those, for want of a better word, 'people', who lack enough Comprendonium to understand that "The Government" (™) has NUKES; To those who have forgotten what happened in Waco ( "Government' 1, David Koresh -76), I have to ask "Do you believe that Barbie rides a pink unicorn?". If "They" (and believe me, "They" aren't who you think "They" are), thought that there was actually a chance of an armed rebellion, there would be an "Unfortunate Accident", and a county or two would be turned into volcanic glass.

No, "They" don't NEED nukes to keep armed citizens from harming anybody but each other. You want to know why? I know you do, so I'll tell you; "They" don't need nukes because "They" have "Kardashians". A quick headline such as "Kim Has A 'Wardrobe 'Malfunction'!!!! Click the link for video!!!!" would stop armed rebellion in its tracks. An announcement that Beyoncè would referee a Lingerie Football match between the Horny Stewardesses From Mars (One of my faves; If you haven't seen that movie, RUSH out right now and… wait, I haven't made it yet!) and Debbie's Dallas Cheerleaders would stop an armed rebellion as fast as you could pop-a-top of of Miller lite.  

YessireeBob, as long as "They" can keep convincing people that "The 1%" controls "The 47%", as long as "They" keep convincing people that there is a difference between "Christianity (™)", "Judaism (™)", and "Islam (™)" and keep those 'believers' fighting each other, as long as the good citizens of the USA can be kept believing that an "Obama" puppet is really, REALLY different from a "Bush" puppet, we can rest easy; there isn't enough Comprendonium to build a Comprendonium bomb. The last time there was enough, the people who had a slight capability of understanding what was really happening were dismissed as "Dirty Hippies" and the realizations of the time were quickly forgotten.

Have A Nice Day, and don't shoot yourself in the leg upholding your second amendment rights. Oh, and while we're at it, don't shoot your spouse, your kids, your neighbors, and all those other good people who are the ones usually getting shot instead of the Scary Immigrant Gay Brown Intruders Who want To Take Your Nice Things And Rape Your…. You get the idea. Maybe. If you've got enough… Comprendonium. Go on… Have A Nice Day!

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