Good luck trying to prove that Martin Scorsese doesn't keep Joe Pesci locked in a ventriloquist's trunk when he's not using him.
Herman Cain joined Fox News and was forced to issue an apology for asking Greta Van Sustern if she'd like to try his pepperoni.
Congress needs to pass a constitutional amendment that makes NJ Gov Chris Christie always wear a Hawaiian shirt.
Presidents Day drinking game: one shot for all the JFK assassination shows on cable right now.
It's not illegal to put a penguin in the microwave, as long as you give it an outdated fashion magazine to read and use the defrost setting.
Craigslist icon is a PEACE sign, but it probably should be a sharp knife or a caution sign.
In case I'm pulverized or otherwise incapacitated by a meteorite, I just want all of you to know that I'm grateful for the time we've had.