Hard to believe typing those few words has me shaking. Is it anger or is it fear? Anger at my family of bigots or fear over the thought of the friction they will cause?
There's some site called Godvine or something equally assinine, which certain members of my family frequently repost things from onto Facebook. They're usually harmless little videos, sometimes of animals or other heartwarming things. But today it was on a poor little 11 year old girl, whom I hope will someday feel totally humiliated over what she did. In the video, she's giving a spiel "in support of marriage", ie opposing equality for gays. Of course, my family being chock full of religious bigots, they're applauding her "courage". It's a very positive thing to be brainwashed and stupid at the same time, in my family.
Knowing both the religious and political views of my family, and knowing that nothing I can do or say will make the slightest difference to any but a couple of the younger ones, I keep peace in the family by mostly shutting up. I did recently "unfriend" a cousin over the horrid language he used about President Obama, but we weren't close and, even though I found it regrettable, it will hold no real consequences for either me or anyone else in the family.
But this time, it was immediate family. I would have said nothing as I generally do, except that a woman whom I don't know, but apparently this family member does, posted a comment to it that she can raise children and be a good parent just as much as any other person. Another person posted a comment supporting that person and pointing out that people are born differently and God doesn't make mistakes.
Those posts resulted in a long winded (which this family member always is) explanation of how God is against gays, and they just need to follow God's word, regardless of how they're born and children need two parents (this from a woman who raised her children by herself, with no father in the picture AT ALL from the time the oldest was 3 and the youngest wasn't even yet born). I just can't imagine how self absorbed and thoughtless a person has to be to post that kind of garbage as a response to a friend.
My family doesn't discuss politics much and there's an assumption that all hold the same point of view. Unfortunately, they do, and it's some pretty horrid ones. Guns are good, gays are bad. You know how it goes. I can't say I like many of them anymore. I used to be so close to many of them. I've always been the black sheep, and lost that closeness years ago. But I still attend family functions, still keep up with what's going on, still work hard at being friendly and being there whenever anyone needs anything.
Lately, I've been wondering why. They aren't people I can respect or admire, and I just flat out don't like them very much. There are a few whom I do still care deeply about and some whom I actively like. And I don't want them torn. However, I'm reaching the point at which I'm tempted to just walk away, and leave them to their bigotry. There are certainly enough of them to keep each other company. All I know is, I'm simply sick and tired of being so angry and yet being so relunctant to confront them. If I walk away, I know they'll still continue being bigots and the only thing that will be saved will be my own peace of mind in not having to hear it and getting so upset.
I'm not certain I'm quite at the point of walking away completely, but I'm damn close.
I know this isn't much of a diary, I just needed to vent, and who better to vent to than Dkos? Thanks for listening.