On behalf of Obviousconsin I have called this Press Conference to make the following statement..
I have pulled my entire budget off the table since Republicans are just going to attack me anyway for having the audacity to propose Republican ideas. Since Republicans are going to attack me for agreeing with them I have zero incentive to agree with them anymore.
I apologize. I don't know what I was thinking.
On the recommendation of my advisers I tried to put together a budget that would make Republicans happy so they would set aside their bizarre berserker hatred of everything I do in favor of trying to reduce the national deficit which was created by Republicans under the previous Administration. These advisers told me that if I tried to meet the GOP in the middle they would be reasonable.
That didn't happen. I have come to the conclusion that the Republican party simply can not be reasoned with.
So I have fired all of the advisers who insisted that I adopt Republican policies as a way of meeting the GOP in the middle, and I am taking my entire budget proposal off the table and replacing it with the exact opposite of every thing I just had in the last budget. MORE money for social security, MORE money for infrastructure, only cuts to our military budget and massive tax hikes on corporations which will only be lowered when unemployment goes down to 5% and wages begin to rise at the same rate that CEO salaries are growing.
Since Republicans are going to hate and oppose anything I try to do anyway I might as well give them a good reason to hate me. In fact I welcome their hatred.
Because the mindless hatred of Republicans who oppose even their own ideas for the sake of gumming up the system and preserving the broken status quo can not go on. Each and every citizen deserves better than what the Republican party is offering. And it is my job as pretend Governor of Obviousconsin to fight for that each and every day.
I apologize for this mistake and I hope we all learn something from this.
Thank you, and God Bless Obviousconsin