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This is a diary that should have been written more than a week ago, when I was released from hospital after my surgery and sent home to continue what I was told would be the ongoing long process of healing.  Instead, I am writing it 9 days later, on Mothers' Day 2013 from my hospital room where I have been again since Friday, for reasons which so far nobody can quite figure out since at least as far as the original diverticular disease and colonic resection, nobody can find any cause for the neuropathic pain, olfactory and taste distortion, loss of appetite, severe nausea and uncontrolled vomiting that ultimately dehydrated me and necessitated my re-admission.

(Since I am writing this on an IPad and I have no idea how to try and spellcheck on this thing, not that I am ever all that good a spell/grammar checker anyway, my apologies in advance that it will be both short and likely error ridden.)

I am writing this diary now for none of those reasons, but instead to say, as loudly as any Internet text can, THANK YOU.  (Yes, I know that all-caps equals yelling.  Suck it up ;))

Thank you to both the management and the members of this strange orange echo chamber we call Daily Kos for the flowers. The calls and texts. The quilt messages which made me cry.  The vigil messages which made me cry more, because I felt so truly loved and cared for--a feeling that eludes me many days since even though I have a loving family and friends I have never loved myself anywhere near enough to say or think some the incredible things that were said about me.  Thank you for the prayers, the lifting me up, the calls to the spirits and the ancestors for my healing.

Thank you for all of it, each and every one of you.

Right now, I don't know where I am headed health wise.  I continue to pray that we will find out why, when all seemed to be going so well, suddenly I am again trapped attached to IVs and mess and never ending tests tests.  What I do I know is this: the joy and honor I feel being part of this community is immeasurable and I am forever in everyone's debt.

With much peace and love,
Shanikka

10:06 PM PT: Update:  Well, many many MANY blood and other tests (including CT scans of my head and torso) later having come up with bupkis to indicate that something is wrong with their handiwork, my surgeons have released me to the tender mercies of the Neurology Department and sent me home this evening after having stabilized my electrolytes and the other imbalances that had made me so ill that I had to be rehospitalized on Friday.  So, as small but much appreciated blessings, I have gotten to spend the end of Mothers' Day at home with my family.  We still have no idea what is going on, as the olfactory distortions, nausea and neuralgia continue, but at least we know (for now) that I am still on a healing path with the primary issue I have faced this past 8 months.  Thanks again to everyone for their caring thoughts.


Originally posted to Maat's Feather on Sun May 12, 2013 at 11:12 AM PDT.

Also republished by Black Kos community.

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