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I know what you're thinking: "Don't give in to the GOP's attacks, don't give an inch..."

Believe me: I, too, wish it weren't so. President Obama wasn't actually involved in any of the "scandals", he's already released the full set of Benghazi "talking point" emails and accepted the resignation of the acting IRS director. And over the last 5 years the President has done a fine job even without placing a guinea pig on his head. So why bother? It won't placate the Republicans. Well, because it's not about the Republicans anymore. After this latest flurry of mendacious attacks he needs to regain the trust of the American people. And what better way than going to the nearest DC pet shop, purchasing a guinea pig, and putting it on his head?

And those of you following the various storylines over the past few days may wonder: isn't there a better way. No, no there is not. Regardless of the facts, at this point a Cavia porcellus on the president's cranium is the best -- nay, the only -- way left to reconnect with the voters. Yes, yes, it's true that guinea pigs are neither pigs nor from Guinea. But this is the situation we find ourselves in, and the president must recognize the reality of the situation.

At a certain point you wonder about this guy's ego. Guinea pigs are only 1.5 to 2.5 pounds, on average, he could easily bear it. Would he look ridiculous with a guinea pig on his head? Yes. But isn't that a small price to pay? A small price to pay for what, you ask? I don't know. For something...something worth a guinea pig on his head.

Look: I do not like that the situation demands that he put a medium-sized South American rodent atop his cranium. Obama's head looks perfectly fine as it is, as we all know. But sport a cavy atop his noggin' he must.

It's time that he does the right thing. Put a guinea pig on your head, Mr. Obama, and let's move on.

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