When I first caught wind of the Merry Christmas bill the first idea which came to my sordid little mind was to start a religion whose central motif was the male reproductive organ. Three seconds of Googling later revealed the Hindus were WAY ahead of me. Thanks, guys and gals!
Now all I have to do is sire a son, indoctrinate him into my world of smart-assery, and begin raising hell at my local Oliver L. North Elementary school.