Last night, Stephen Colbert covered the latest in gun technology, a rifle that will aim and shoot for you, basically guaranteeing a kill shot every time.
Nation, if you watch this show, you know that I will defend our Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms from all who would attack it, and that includes guns. For too long, they have demanded that in order to use them, you have to know how to use them. I mean, get this: aim and pull the trigger at the same time? How is my hand supposed to know what my eye is seeing? It's tyranny.Video below the fold.
That's why I am as pumped as a 12-gauge about a breakthrough in skill-free killing. It's called the TrackingPoint rifle, and it's got its own video.
TRACKINGPOINT AD: TrackingPoint introduces the world's first precision-guided firearm, the revolutionary new long-range shooting system that puts jet fighter lock and launch technology in a rifle, enabling anyone to hit moving targets at extended ranges.Wow! It's like you're a fighter pilot taking out Osama bin Antelope! Here's how TrackingPoint's digital brain takes out the troublesome human element of where to aim and when to fire.
Tag: The shooter presses the Tag Button to paint the target, and persistently lock on, regardless of the target's movement.(shocked audience response as a shot kills an animal in the video)
Track: The Networked Tracking Scope's ballistic computer instantly accounts for all range and environmental factors.
Xact: The shooter aligns the reticle with the tag, and then squeezes and holds the Guided Trigger. The system allows the trigger to launch the round at the perfect moment to ensure impact with your target.
Finally, a solution to the age-old problem, sometimes the animal stands a chance.
Because, folks, the TrackingPoint will take down game at extreeeeeeeeme distances, because the smart scope takes everything into consideration, including environmental conditions.TRACKINGPOINT AD: Typical hunt elements include wind speed, pressure, and temperature.So, when you shoot a wildebeest, and then have to cross a time zone to go pick it up, you'll know whether to pack an umbrella.
Plus, the TrackingPoint scope comes complete with its own built in Wi-Fi server. Now, you'll be able to continue to track your prey even if it leaves the Starbucks.
(audience laughter and applause)
And, folks, it's that.... (audience still applauding)
And that Internet connectivity finally fulfills the true promise of the Second Amendment — letting your gun make Facebook friends.TRACKINGPOINT AD: Your Networked Tracking Scope records each shot sequence, and takes photos of each tag, shot, and result. Hit the download button, and your videos and photos on the Networked Tracking Scope will transfer to your phone. You can then go into your photo browser, and e-mail, text, tweet, or share via social media.Now, you can post a picture of you making a duck face, while your gun posts a picture of you blowing off a duck's face.
(wild audience cheering and applause)
And of course, the cutting-edge tech extends to safety features too, because you can password protect your scope. Totally safe. Because without a password, your gun "cannot do the tag/track/exact", and will merely "still operate as a firearm".
So, do not forget your password, or you'll only be able to kill stuff you can see.
Now, one downside to the TrackingPoint rifle is that it costs up to $22,000, so it is slightly more expensive than if you'd just taken out a Mafia contract on a gazelle.
That's one nervous gazelle.
But I have a bigger issue with the TrackingPoint, folks. Sure, it makes killing animals as easy as pointing at them, but you still have to stand up and go outside. And that's more effort than I like to give my outdoor activities.
So I am calling on the good folks at TrackingPoint to develop a precision-guided firearm that can precision-guide itself to where the animals are. Leave me out of it. I'm thinking maybe a rifle hot-glued to a Roomba.
(audience laughter and applause)
A... Boomba, if you will. (audience laughter) But please, keep the vacuuming feature, because I want it to be a clean kill. We'll be right back.