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Last night, John Oliver devoted the whole show to talking about immigration reform, and the ridiculous obstacles some Republicans have set up.

So Democrats are on board.  But Republicans may take a little more convincing.  Sure, Dr. Graham wrote them a prescription for electoral success, but even though they know this is good for them, they're still going to resist it, like a child with vegetables, or a frat boy with a condom.

(audience laughter)

Even the pro-immigration Republicans tone can be a little clumsy.

JEB BUSH (6/14/2013): Immigrants are more fertile, and they love families, and they have more intact families, and they bring a younger population.
(shocked audience reaction and laughter)

Look, look, I know you're trying to help, but I don't think your strongest argument is "they're baby machines who love to fuck".  (audience laughter)

And he's supportive of them!  Even Latino Republicans responsible for the writing of this bill are now trying to water it down.

SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (6/11/2013): I filed an amendment to improve it even further. ... I'm saying that when you apply for that green card, after the 10-year period and more has expired, you're going to have to prove that you're proficient in English.
OK, so I think it's about to become official.  The rules to become an American citizen are now more stringent than the rules to become Miss Utah.
MISS UTAH (6/16/2013): ... especially the men are, um, seen as the leaders of this, so we need to try to figure out how to... create education better, so that we can solve this problem.  Thank you.
(audience laughter and applause)

No, no, thank you.  We thank you, Miss Utah, for giving America a new ringtone.

And for other Republicans, proficiency in English still isn't even far enough.

SEN. CHUCK GRASSLEY, R-IA (6/12/2013): The bill does very little to ensure that those who come out of the shadows will cherish or use the English language.
It's not enough to come out of the shadows and speak it, you have to cherish it.  Cherish it like a man who tweets out single letters of the alphabet...

(wild audience laughter)

so you can cherish each one individually.  Because every character is precious.

And I understand that someone else has an amendment to propose.

FOX NEWS REPORT (6/11/2013): That amendment by Republican John Cornyn would force the Department of Homeland Security to reach specific metrics, such as apprehension of at least 90% of all illegal border crossers for the overall law to stand.
90% border security?!  You know what that means.  Bring nine friends with you, and you get in free!  (audience laughter and applause)  Yes, that's in the offer.  You'll be up one new country, and down nine old friends.

And it isn't just the content of the bill that Republicans hate.

SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (6/11/2013): This is not an easy bill to read. ... Sub-paragraph C, index: The index calculated under this sub-paragraph for a current year equals the sum of sub-paragraph I ... I'm sure you know exactly what that means.
Well, I don't know what it means, but to be fair, I'm not a Senator.  You are, and legal jargon is kind of the "official language" of the Senate.  So if I may borrow a page from your party's playbook, learn to speak the language, or go back to where you came from.

(wild audience cheering and applause)

Oh, a little turnabout.

So to sum up, still a lot of challenges ahead for this immigration bill to achieve its dream of legal status within the United States.  Now currently, it's living in the land of Bills.

But it's yearning for a better life as a law.  It pays its hard-earned political capital to a gang of not-entirely-reliable coyotes to cross the legislative desert, through swarms of deadly amendments, only to have to navigate the perilous waters of a fetid river of debate, hoping it can evade the dreaded filibuster patrol.

But after all that, it's safe, and there'll be nothing stopping immigration reform from starting its brand new life in America!

JOHN BOEHNER (6/10/2013): I've got real concerns about the Senate bill.
Oh yeah, that's right.

The House of Representatives: a thousand-foot high border fence built out of ignorance and spite.  (audience laughter and applause)

Sorry, immigration reform, your chances of getting made into law seem to be no bueno.  We'll be right back.

Video below the fold.

He then looked at how the WWE is handling the topic of immigration with former pro wrestler Mick Foley.
John then talked with comedian Jim Gaffigan.

Stephen Colbert still did not have a show last night, after his mother passed away last week.  Word is he may return tonight with a new show.

However, I will not be doing any transcripts for the rest of this week, as I'm heading up to Netroots Nation, and will be basically the only blogger there... with no laptop or smart phone, and thus unable to connect to the Internet.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Wed Jun 19, 2013 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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