Wait – What just happened? A roundup of the week in news, June 23, 2013
In a week with so much facepalming, how does one choose the best of the best?
By looking the GOP’s way of course!
By now, you’ve probably heard that the Republican dominated House of Representatives passed the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, banning abortions after 20 weeks, again hacking away at Roe v Wade which holds that states can ban abortions after a fetus is capable of surviving outside of the womb, a point that varies but was defined by the Supreme Court in 1992 as being at “23 to 24 weeks.”
But is that really enough? Not for Representative Michael Burgess (R-TX) who, himself, claims to have seen male fetuses begin masturbating in the womb around 15 weeks into a pregnancy.
Burgess is an expert on intra-uterine masturbation because, scarily enough, this man used to be an OB/GYN and is also a leading member of a House subcommittee focused on public health and biomedical issues. According to Burgess, it’s because “they stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?"
Need to see it to believe it? Watch his testimony here.
While we’re on the topic of the unborn spanking their monkeys, why not move on to adults “Spanking for Jesus”
Christian Domestic Discipline.
Are you a fundamentalist christian in need of some godly sado-masochism? Then this is the movement for you.
ChristianDomesticDiscipline.net explains that it:
“is not BDSM. It is not a game. While we do not deny its sometimes erotic nature, it is ultimately not for erotic purposes. It is often much different than the domestic discipline you will find outside of the Christian faith.
"A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is set up according to the guidelines set forth in the Holy Bible, meaning the husband has authority over his wife within the bounds of God's Word and enforces that authority, if need be, through discipline including but not limited to spanking. He uses his authority to keep peace and order in his home, protect his marriage, and help his wife mature in her Christian walk.”
Well now that they’ve cleared THAT up.
While wives obviously need help “maturing” in their Christian walk, there are eleven things they don’t need!
The Hufington Post continues its hard-hitting feminist journalism by letting us gals know that, no longer do we need to worry about hitting that darned “Q” with our pinky fingers, changing a pesky flat tire or, something that has plagued women for generations: remembering our own phone numbers. No, the world is so much more advanced now that we barely have to actually do anything. Luckily our husbands will be there to guide us along the way.
So if you’re an eleven-year-old girl in Oregon who happens to be autistic and naked, make sure to stay on the sidewalk. Because if you get too close to the road and the police find you, they will take you down with a taser.
A cab driver witnessed such a thing when he noticed a confused young girl wandering down the I-5 near Ashland. He called the police to help her. The state trooper that arrived on the scene yelled at her, threatened her to stop, and when she didn’t, tased and then watched her seize up and fall to the ground, face first.
The father of the girl is rightfully incensed, both at the police for their report as well as the reporters at KDRV-TV who repeatedly referred to the girl as a “woman.”
“Since when is an 11-year-old kid with the mind of a 3-year-old a ‘woman?'…she is very gentle and non combative. If the police cannot apprehend a child who is cooperative without tasing then what would be the alternative? Shooting her?”
But enough of apprehending unarmed disabled children. What I’m sure you’re really wondering right now is, if I was plotting to kill Muslims, what would be the best way? Well, with a
radiation death beam, of course.
Glendon Crawford, 49, a Ku Klux Klan (“KKK”) member and his associate Eric Feight, 54, after reaching out and being turned down by two Jewish organizations, set up a meeting with a high ranking member of the Klan down in North Carolina where they proposed their plan to target Muslims with their truck-mounted, remote controlled, radiation death beam.
Turns out that their plan was also too much for a “ranking member” of the KKK down in North Carolina (yes, you read that correctly – it was to extreme for the KKK), who turned around and aided the FBI, becoming a cooperating witness in their sting operation on these two fellows.
Crawford and Feight were apprehended before being able to carry out their master plan, but not before the FBI found out that it was politically motivated by the United States’ “treasonous bedwetting maggot in chief.”
According to Crawford, President Obama:
“...started bringing the scumbags have (sic) wholesale as he got in charge. He directed the ins to start bringing muzzies here without background checks. Your background was scrutinized more to join the army than any muslim scum gets to come here. They don’t have to follow any laws, and this administration has done more to enable a government sponsored invasion than the press can cover up. Be pissed, but get the word out that obamas policies caused this. You watch, they will downplay the muslim angle if they dont cover it up. Be pissed. I am too. I been warning this was coming. Its here.”
Yes, Obama’s policies caused an influx of “muzzies” who don’t have to follow laws and are enabling a government-sponsored invasion. Of course, as mentioned in my previous blog post detailing the
terrorism double standard, we know that
A 2010 study by Duke University and the University of North Carolina found that Islamic extremists perpetrated only six percent of the terrorist attacks in the U.S. between 1980 and 2005 and the
Center for American Progress reported in 2012 that “fifty-six percent of domestic terrorist attacks and plots in the U.S. since 1995 have been perpetrated by right-wing extremists.”
Gay men. Listen up. Put on a tie and take off that damned tutu already.
Chairman of the Idaho GOP’s resolutions committee and self-proclaimed “liberty person”, Cornel Rasor, is seeking to void anti-discrimination ordinances based on sexual orientation.
According to Rasor:
“I’d hire a gay guy if I thought he was a good worker. But if he comes into work in a tutu…he’s not producing what I want in my office.”
“If a guy has a particular predilection and keeps it to himself, that’s fine, but if he wants to use my business as a platform for his lifestyle, why should I have to subsidize that? And that’s what these anti-discrimination laws do.”
Want to tell Rasor how you feel? Why not wish him a “Happy Gay Pride” this month by sending him an e-card at
crasor@co.bonner.id.us. Or, if you’d prefer to send him a tutu…I mean...correspondence regarding your feelings on this matter, you can find his office information
here.