From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Fourth Monday in June
[Turns on computer]
[Posts C&J]
[Opens up SCOTUSblog and hits REFRESH a hundred times to make sure it's working.]
[Contemplates exactly how right-wing religious zealots will implement their plan to defy the Supreme Court if it allows same-sex marriages to resume in California and strikes a blow against DOMA.]
[Goes to WorldNetDaily and reads some crazy shit comments related to the Supreme Court's pending marriage decisions and plucks a few to share:]
"I will and won't be shocked if the court rules in favor of destroying traditional marriage. So far, they have caved to the lowest "common" denominator spawned by evil and evil's minions."
Poink! Poink! Poink!
"If the Godless have difficulties with that seminal truth, that is their problem, not that of people of faith and right reason wanting to live according to the eternal truth of America's founding documents for the sake of the common good leading ultimately to a supernatural good in a Kingdom not of this world in the recognition that The Constitution was intended to be interpreted in light of The Declaration of Independence, i.e., The Consitution was the fulfillment of The Declaration. The Institution of Marriage has been settled once and for all by God Almighty!"
"Sex without respect leads to a lot of complications. I don't care what the gays do with each other. I just want them to leave marriage alone. It does not belong to them. They cannot have it."
[Pounds head on table]
[Refreshes SCOTUSblog another 100 times]
[Falls asleep next to empty bottle of Bacardi 151]
[Completely misses SCOTUS rulings when they come out]
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 24, 2013
Note: Last night's full "supermoon" will be repeated tonight, so be sure to go outside and wink at Neil Armstrong. It's the law.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the special election in Massachusetts to fill John Kerry's old Senate seat: 1!!!!!
Days 'til Ratcatcher's Day: 2 or 28
Number of Hispanics in this country legally: 45.5 million
Number of Hispanic citizens here who reach voting age every month: 50,000
(Source: Charlie Cook)
Number of states in which unemployment fell and rose, respectively, in May: 25 / 17
(Source: Labor Dept.)
The last year that the U.S. had a cooler-than-average May: 1976
Number of sitting U.S. senators who are 80 or older: 1 (Dianne Feinstein, who turned 80 Saturday)
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: "Mama!"
-
So long, San Jose, and
thanks for all the fish.
CHEERS to Party Town, USA. All those glowing reviews of the San Jose Netroots Nation convention
by attendees should surprise no one---each progressive get-together so far has exceeded expectations. But if you only read the traditional media reports (the few that there were--I guess our shindigs aren't considered mentally-unhinged enough to cover like the conservative ones), you'd think that the only things discussed were
how we like Hillary but
WE HATE DEMON WOMAN NANCY PELOSI (disclaimer: Politico is shrill) and
Obama is not Bush II. Thank god they're here to tell us these things. Fortunately, you can get some excellent summaries of what
really happened there
via the NN13 website. I can’t wait to see how we manage to top ourselves in Detroit next year (the official dates are
July 17-20 and the registration booth
is open for business). But I believe I speak for expats and current residents of Michigan alike when I say: it damn well better include a euchre tournament.
CHEERS to Destination: Second Star to the Right. After a four-year hiatus, NASA announced that it has chosen a new slate of astronauts to help us achieve our humanoid conquest of space. The best part: half of them are women. The bestest part: one of them---Jessica Meir---is from Maine:
Jessica and some buds.
A graduate of Brown University with advanced degrees from Scripps Institution of Oceanography in San Diego and the International Space University in Illkirch, France, Meir is an assistant professor of anesthesia at Harvard Medical School Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. Meir now has two months to wrap up her work at Harvard before reporting for her new job as a full-time United States astronaut, a goal which on Monday she said has been a lifelong pursuit. …
“I am excited and really anticipating the training,” Meir said. “It is so humbling [and] I don’t want to let them down.” After spending two years going through the astronaut training program, Meir will be assigned to areas as needed within NASA while she waits for her first mission.
That mission could include work on the International Space Station or helping to develop plans for and perhaps participating in manned explorations of Mars or asteroids. “If I am lucky, I will get to play a role in that,” she said.
She'll have to learn how to spend extended periods of time in cold, soul-sucking, unforgiving and altogether hostile environments. Her first training assignment: hanging out in our governor's office.
-
-
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
Time now for a Cheers and Jeers snark-off, where the best and brightest humorists in the blogosphere go funny bone-to-funny bone for the title of Most Hilarious Person! The topic: the NSA leak brouhaha. And…go:
CHEERS to Edward Snowden. The NSA contract employee, metadata leaker, and American HERO landed in Russia yesterday after flying there from Hong Kong. And, boy, are his arms tired!!!
JEERS to Edward Snowden. The NSA contract employee, metadata leaker, and American TRAITOR landed in Russia yesterday after flying there from Hong Kong. And, boy, are his arms tired!!!
And the winner is: Team CHEERS, for the best use JAZZ HANDS! Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
-
-
CHEERS and JEERS to environmental whatchamahoozie. Just a heads-up that tomorrow President Obama will deliver his plan to prevent human beings from parasitically destroying the planet. Fearless prediction: all the good stuff he proposes---but which he will never accomplish because Congress is too busy sniffing its own methane emissions---will be a way to "soften" the blow for liberals when he later approves the Keystone pipeline project in the middle of the night. Please don't call me a cynical person. I much prefer cynical bastard.
P.S. a succinct recap of the climate change panel at Netroots Nation is here. Good to See Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA) is still fighting the good fight. He brings to mind two words why we've got to take back the House next year: committee chairman.
CHEERS to the 19th century comeback kid. Grover Cleveland ran this crazy republic from 1885 to 1889, sat on the sidelines for four years after losing to Benjamin Harrison, and then bounced back to wrangle the White House for another term in 1892, making him both #22 and #24. And check this out: while Lincoln has to make do with the $5 bill and Washington only gets the buck, Cleveland gets the friggin' grand...
Anyway, he
died 105 years ago today and so far he hasn't bounced back from that. But never fear: new Cleveland campaign manager Karl Rove says, "Never say die! The numbers are wrong! The votes aren’t all in from Ohio yet! I have the math!" Sounds like someone needs a vacation.
-
Five years ago in C&J: June 24, 2008
JEERS to the number "6." That's how many months it took for Don "Nappy Headed Ho" Imus to stick his big foot in his big mouth again. From yesterday's show:
At one point, Imus’s co-host, Warner Wolf, notes that Jones has "been arrested six times since being drafted by Tennessee in 2005." Imus’s reaction:
Imus: What color is he?
Wolf: He’s African-American.
Imus: Well, there you go. Now we know.
It's surely past time for him to retire to his ranch. Problem is, the cows don't want him around, either.
-
And just one more…
154 of these babies will be
arriving soon "over there."
CHEERS to Netroots for Troops. Now it can be told that the probability of this year's NFTT event happening at all was iffy at best. A perfect storm of events, personal and otherwise, hobbled the NFTT effort and even a month out no one was sure if the annual packing of the care boxes for our troops in Afghanistan (we don’t need to send them to Iraq anymore, thank god) would happen. But the Daily Kos community pulled together and, with mere seconds to spare, it happened Saturday. Chris Savage (aka Eclectablog) tells me that 154 boxes are on their way overseas. Thank you to everyone who donated money and/or time to make it a success
again. And next time some wackadoo yodelhead conservative accuses liberals of not supporting the troops (versus not supporting the wars that consume their lives and limbs, which is true) tell 'em about NFTT and then tell 'em to go pound sand. But remember to smile and say "with all due respect" so they don’t take offense.
Have a nice Monday. Gonna be a cooker here. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Let me tell you something, this is not your father's Cheers and Jeers anymore, man. This is a different breed of cat."
---Joe Biden
6/22/13
-