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Like all participants in the Demonizing America for Freedom Tour, I think violating internet privacy is tantamount to mass-murdering totalitarianism.  And since you're a loyal, decent, freedom-loving person, you totally agree with every word I'm saying.  Every last word, without exception.  Or at least, I certainly hope you do - I hope you're not The Enemy.  I would hope you don't harbor any counterrevolutionary thoughts about facts, reason, proportion, history, or any other heretical concept that would get in the way of enjoying unfettered pious bigotry.  However, there is room for honest folk to disagree about precisely which spawn of Satan from history Barack Obama most resembles, and which of their affiliated institutions most resembles America today.  

Rand Paul

Let's run down the choices:

1.  Stasi:  

Similarities to USA: Has the letters 's' and 'a' in it.  Is run by people.  There was that thing with that guy that happened one time, that's also like that other thing with that other guy that happened that other time.  You know what I mean.

Differences from USA: Can't think of any!  And neither can you, if you know what's good for you.

2.  Gestapo:

Similarities to USA: In both cases, we have it on good authority that at some point, telephones were involved.  The Gestapo also had doors on their offices.  Ed Snowden reports that American federal gubmint agencies have doors on their offices too, and that telephones have been used.  Connect the dots, people.

Differences from USA: Obama is teh more eviler than Hitler.

3.  KGB:

Similarities to USA: It was bad and stuff, just like it's bad and stuff now.  No need to go into any further detail - I think we've established that America is like Soviet Russia.  Anyone who doesn't favor puppy torture can see that clearly.  You don't favor puppy torture, do you?

Differences from USA: Eh, screw this part.  In fact, if you're reading this, you're probably on the side of totalitarianism, and may be a killer with bodies buried in your basement.  People who support the 4th Amendment wouldn't read this section.


So what can we conclude?  Well, I'm a uniter, not a divider, so I frankly think there's no reason not to say "All of the Above"!  Yep: America is like the Stasi, the Gestapo, and the KGB.  In fact, I would say it's like all three of them combined:  We could call it the GestasGB, or the Kstapi, or StaKGesta.  So American totalitarianism is basically like Sharknado: A concept articulated by very brilliant, talented, hardworking intellectuals, that appeals to the higher senses of Man and increases the dignity and reputation of all involved.  

In recognition of this fact, from now on all true progressives are hereby required to refer to this country as the Spewnited Hates of Hitlernado, not by the right-wing name used by the media that seeks to whitewash the crimes and horrors of this shit-smelling stewpot of a Satanic fuck-stain.

Now that we've settled that, all aboard the Rand Paul 2016 Express!  Choo-choooo!  Yaayah!


As a Freedom-loving Free Freedom Person, You Agree with Every Word I'm saying, right?

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