So in the battle to keep my wits - I think I'm losing.
More below the dooblydoo.
I take my medication faithfully. I sort out a weeks meds into my tray, I try to take them as close to 12 hours apart as I can to keep things even. But something's gone wrong. This is what it was like when I was in Oregon, before I was even taking the meds - and it's all come back.
I thought that things were a bit wrong when Tori Amos lyrics started making sense. That's kind of a test for me - if Tori makes sense, it might be time to check the ole meds. Now, some of her lyrics really DO make sense, but things like
racing turtles, the grapefruit is winning
shouldn't have a deep and powerful meaning. No one should be talking to me through the radio or music.
I'm only getting 3 hours of sleep at a time, but I am sleeping about 18 out of 24 hours.
See - my sleep pod isn't working. My old one was alien design and had a semi plant based system, this one is human made and while cool for the technology it uses - it's not really very good. Certainly not as good as my alien one. I mean, it sort of does the job, and I could draw it (as well as I can draw at any rate) and explain the parts and how it works - but it's not even remotely like the old one.
My symbiote seems to have disappeared. It's not like a space worm or anything stupid like Stargate. It's pretty blobby and helpless in its natural state, they need to have a mobile form to pair with - it kind of... covers you and bonds with your skin. It's only a couple of molecules thick when it spreads out, no one can see it - but it does some really cool shit. It can work like an invisibility suit, reflecting light off you like you aren't really there, it can protect you from a hard vacuum, it can produce oxygen for you using metabolic processes if you're in a hard vacuum - and under certain circumstances can protect you from some types of weapons. It's also a good conversationalist.
But I feel naked and vulnerable without it. I can't be invisible here, I can't hide in the corner of people's eyes. I'm afraid I'll get Trayvoned as the outsider, the strange man. I've lived here 6 months now and still don't like to go outside without it being to the car.
I had a colony of translator microbes, but I think they are dying. I only need them for the other places - I'm pretty good with most human languages I come across unless I have absolutely no knowledge. African languages would trip me up pretty bad, Australian aboriginal languages - some of them are actually spatial! But for most things I've been exposed to or exist near something I've been exposed to - I can sort out in a written form. I can get the gist of Swedish and Finnish, for example, having not yet studied them. But lately I've been reduced to only getting bits of things and a couple of serious misunderstandings - I got in a bar fight tonight on a colony world because they crapped out on me in a crucial grammatical point. Not cool.
I've grown an orchestra and chorus now - no more electronica for me. I have no idea who the composer is though, the style isn't anything I recognise. It is pretty cool having your own personal sound track though. I will admit that.
I'm aware enough to know that this isn't how other people live. I'm not scared by it, or particularly upset, but I do know it means that things are not as good as they've seemed. When I'm here - I'm sleeping in the other places. And there are many of them. I live in London and LA with my awesome and wicked funny girlfriend Alex Kingston. (WAY more fun than Alan Rickman was, he was an old stodge, honestly.) Space and the past and the future. Colonies and ancient worlds and mines and research labs. Israel - as the King. Booooring. SO many old assholes trying to make you be like some kind of stupid statue rather than actually living. I don't like it there very much - part of why I am so determined to avoid it here. I live in all of them - I sleep here. And frankly, here is boring as fuck by comparison. Everyone says this is the real world - I'm not really impressed much.
I did send my therapist and email, but I was in the bar fight when she wrote back and I missed her today. I knew better than to talk to my parents about it - Mum will just tell me to put it all in a book and ColCatLady will just stare at me blankly and then get mad for no apparent reason. Nigel is just whatever about it, but then he's always been a pretty chill cat other than big storms. Sometimes he goes with me, sometimes he stays here - his grandpa spoils him pretty rotten. He was very unhelpful with the cat aliens that keep trying to put fur on me because they think I have mange or something. Not cool.
I have taekwondo class here in about an hour, so I won't be around much until after. But this is what it's like to live in here. It's not dull.