Life is what you make it, my mother says. Of course, I have to remind her of it these days as her health is failing at 84. Still, the last 3 weeks, for me have been a roller coaster ride that included abject fear, unbridled (well, almost) joy, physical pain, and anticipation. Like the rest of you, I sometimes wish the pain and fear would leave me alone, but I suppose without them I wouldn't appreciate the rest as much.
Mother suffers from macular degeneration, anxiety attacks, hearing loss, COPD and has an inoperable double aneurysm that will probably kill her. I live about 45 minutes from her and am by far the closest of my three siblings. When she is anxious, nothing helps as much (she says) as an hour long visit from me. I always feel irritated when she calls and yet, always feel good on the way home (she usually schedules her anxiety attacks to interfere with my cocktail hour - often on Friday evenings). She can be infuriating and funny all within a space of 10 minutes. I will miss her terribly when she goes and yet, my only hope of a retirement is my share of her considerable wealth which was accumulated over 60 years of wise investing (starting with a very modest amount) and tightwad living. I am known for my short visits with abrupt good-byes. The other day I arrived at Mother's (a regular visit, not an anxiety counseling session) and she was on the phone with my sister. She said into the phone, "Tom is here. I'll call you back in 20 minutes when he leaves" and laughed mightily.
I have three gay sons and three daughters. Half are step-children, but we have never made any distinction. It was certainly an adjustment when each of the sons came out (over a five year period, one at a time), but there wan never any arguments or withholding of love. Still, if somebody tells you it's no big deal, they are lying. It is mostly a matter of rearranging expectations (that you had no business holding, anyway). Three weeks ago, I was asked to perform my middle son's wedding ceremony (a few years ago I got ordained online so I would never have to have anything to do with churches again - this was only my second wedding). The ceremony and reception were on a big boat in the Chicago River. Josh, my son, was thrilled with the ceremony I wrote and it was one of the proudest days of my life.
That's my son on the right.
Two weeks ago, my wife and I got a new Toy Poodle puppy. We had been three and a half years without a dog in the house. We were ready. Stella is 3.8lbs. of happiness and love (although at least 0.8lbs of that is puppy piss and shit which occasionally ends up indoors at this point. No matter how bad my day at work was, Stella thinks I'm just fine. We really couldn't afford a puppy, but sometimes you just have to do what your heart tells you and tell the bank to get in line. Talk to me if you want to know what happens when you do this too often, however, I have long and rich experience...
Last week I was terrified that I was going to miss a payment on our health insurance and our mortgage. I just couldn't seem to bring any money into the business (a little ad agency we've run for about 30 years). One of my sons, who is doing quite well, sensed my angst and offered to loan me $5,000! He then produced said money in CASH the next day.
Sometimes, I find it useful to write when I'm happy. Often I write when I'm not, but it's better to only publish the happy ones. Hope your luck is as good as mine. Cheers.