Crack your head open then take out your brain and put it on display so people can see how smart you are.
We all need forgiveness, and it is human nature to grant it. Unless you're that bastard Biff.
If you're ever feeling down, just remember there's a very good chance that I would think your meat loaf is delicious.
Remember: there are no coincidences. Except, of course, for random events that occur simultaneously by chance for no particular reason.
If you feel suffocated in your marriage, check to see if your spouse is holding a pillow over your face. (It happens.)
To save money on antibiotics, when you're sick eat at McDonalds and hope whatever they gave the cow will do the trick.