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"Did you find everything all right?"

"Yes. I'd like to buy these shoes."

"All right. What's your phone number?"

"I'm sorry, I don't give that out."

"Sir, it's so we can send you those coupons that come in the mail."

"I already get those coupons So you have my address. Why do you need my phone number?"

"Sir it's how we credit you for your purchases. That determines whether you will get those discount coupons."

"I'm sorry, I'm not giving that out. It's unlisted for a reason."

(Sigh). "What's your name?"

"It's the one on my credit card I just gave you. Dartagnan. D-A-R--"

(A moment) "Your name is in our system."

"Then why do you need my phone number?"

"Sir you gave us the phone number when you signed up for the Rewards coupons."

"What number do you have for me?"


"That's the general number of where I used to work. I haven't worked there in twenty years.  It's also not even the same area code where I live. So it makes no sense that you need it."

"Sir what is your current phone number?"

"You can't have it."

"Then we can't send you the discount coupons."

"Why do I need to give you my phone number to get the coupons?"

"It's how we track it your purchases."

"How do you know that's all your company does with it? Did you make the policy?"

"It's the company's policy."

"Look, I'll give you my phone number if you give me your phone number."

"I'm not giving you my phone number, sir."

"Why not? Because you don't know what I'm going to do with it, right?
Well I don't know what your company is going to do with mine, either."

(Glowers). "OK Sir, my phone number is XXX-555 -XXXX."

"How do I know that's your real number?"

"You can call my cell right now, sir."

'Fine. You know what I'm going to do now? I'm going to post your phone number on the internet.  Along with your physical description.  And I'm going to sell it to people I think should call you."


"Yeah, I'm going home right now and post your number on the Yahoo message boards."


"What? You don't want me to do that? Then why do you think I don't want you to have my phone number? I have no idea what your company is going to do with it. And by the way, you're still not getting my phone number, you're not getting my Social Security number, you're not getting my date of birth."

"Sir, I'm calling a manager."

"Go ahead and call a manager. I'll ask for his phone number, too."

"Thank you sir. Goodbye.  (Looking over my head) Next in line?"

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