I'm writing this diary after being inspired by julimyers well-written diary A LETTER TO FRIENDS OF A FRIEND; or HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK THAT? describing ugly comments on Facebook about panhandlers. The irony is that the panhandler on the side of the road could just as easily have been one of them in the right circumstances. It's a lesson we all should keep in mind whenever we see someone begging for money, and one that fate (or God) forced me to relearn on a recent trip to Mexico.
So...here is my story below the squiggle of shame.
I'll admit up front that this is a difficult story to write, as it lays bare embarrassing facets of my personality. For one, I'm a gay man that's attracted to younger men, which wouldn't normally be a problem except that at the sight of a beautiful face all my normal good judgment and suspicion of strangers goes out the window, especially if he's lying naked in bed next to me in post-coital bliss.
This particular face was attached to a beautiful young man from Guadalajara who I met at a club in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. My friends there told me he was a hustler, but I never listened to them of course. I argued "We spent the past 3 days together, and in that time he never asked me for money." Besides, even if he was a hustler, I was special...he would never treat me like the old rich guys that visited from the USA. Boy was I wrong...
Suffice to say I ended up at the airport on my way home minus my camera, laptop and cellphone, and without the cash to pay the baggage fee for my suitcase on the flight back home. Despite begging the airline for leniency, no help was forthcoming from them. If I was going to get out of this mess, I would have to beg the other passengers for help, most of whom were other Americans. Surely someone would take pity on me. After all, it was the week before Christmas.
I apologized to everyone prior to asking them for money, but always the answer came back "No." "Why would I give money to a stranger?" "I don't know you." As if knowing someone is a prerequisite to helping them out. And all the while, my flight was getting closer and closer to leaving without me. As I continued asking others for money, the plane started boarding. I was getting desperate now, and thoughts flashed through my head of a living hell spent begging for money for who knows how long in an airport far from my home. It was not a pleasant thought.
Just then, a women who had previously rejected me approached me with the $20 I needed, as her husband stood behind her with a disapproving look. "I only ask one thing" she said. "Pay it forward and be kind to someone else in need. Merry Christmas." Overjoyed, I thanked her profusely as I gave her a huge hug. "God bless you! Thank you! Merry Christmas!" and then rushed over to the gate agent with the money that would allow me to board and arrive home on time.
Maybe it was fate, or the hand of God, or human kindness that made that women see the humanity that resides in us all, and made her help someone in need. I like to think that I just got lucky, as I'm under no illusions that as a white man I have many more advantages than a black or latino man in the same circumstances. But as a believer, I also believe that God sometimes uses these situations to teach us lessons...about humility, kindness, helping those in need, and not being such a dumbass in choosing guys. I've tried to learn those lessons, and while I don't always have money to give the panhandlers on the street, I now see myself in the man standing there with the cardboard sign. Change begins with me...
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:40