YARR!! Ahoy, ye scallywag intelligent designers and scientists alike! Today be the holiest of holidays! Break out yer mugs and hoist yer grog or yer bottle o' rum and sing along! If ye got no pipes fer singin' just speak up today! Ye can say, 'ARRR!', 'avast!', 'ahoy!', 'belay that!', 'stow it!'; and have 'mateys', 'lads', 'lasses', 'wenches', and 'lubbers'; and have 'booty' and 'swag' all day. 'Walk the plank', 'batten yer hatches', 'man yer mizzenmast', 'all hands on deck'; 'send em to the brig and clap em in irons'! And 'twill all be for a good cause... Yer'll be a'doin yer Pastafarian duty fer Global Warmin'! 'Tis proved fer certain we can please His Noodliness and he'll refreeze the poles!
ARRRR, me Buccos... prepare to repel boarders, sing and carouse, and show no quarter after ye leap over His Noodly Appendages and the non-noodly doodle... ARRRRRRR!!!
And here be this year's brand spankin new official "Talk Like a Pirate Day Song"...
And now,"What Do you With a Drunken Sailor" for all ye swabbies who be likin the classics..
And a rousing medly to end the musical portion...
Free Krispy Kreme Booty today ye pastry lubbers!! There be lotsa boycottin out there me hearties so study ye well, but here's a way to tack to port and keelhaul them starbord wingnuts fer tryin to
boycott that free donut on Inauguration Day 2009! Who can resist that sweet nugget 'o deep fried pirate gold? Talk like a pirate and ye get 1 tasty glazed dubloon... Come dressed as a pirate and they'll give ye a chest of twelve for free!!! ARRRRR!! The scuttlebutt is that Capn Kos and Mr Blades have weighed anchor and hoisted sail for the nearest store!
For our service asea today from the poop deck, we'll be a'skippin the traditional readin from
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and instead read a passage from The Old Pastament, from
The Loose Cannon : A Really Important Collection of Words, fruits of The Proclamations of the Councils of Olive Garden:
A Reading From the Book of Fusilli, Chapter 12 through 13
(As transcribed by David D.)
6 And it came to pass that the Flying Spaghetti Monster saw that the world was no longer a tasty place.
7 And the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, "I will destroy all this untastiness that I have created from the face of the earth; man and beast, beer and brothel, and all the creeping things that are less than savory."
8 But Steve the Pirate found grace with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and was touched by his noodly appendage.
9 Steve, begat of Jeff, was renowned throughout the land. The proprietor of a small pub in the provence well know for his amber lager and the best pasta salad of which has ever been spoken to the ears of men.
10 And the Flying Spaghetti Monster said unto Steve, "The end of untastiness is come before me and behold, I will destroy the earth."
11 "Go thou into the forest and seek out the largest Bay Leaf tree therein. Make a ship of these leaves that it may add to the tastiness of my kingdom."
12 "And in this fashion shalt thou make the ship, it shall be shaped as a Pirate ship several hundred cubits in length and pretty wide in cubits as well and high enough that thou doest not feel hemmed in. Useth thou thy best judgement."
13 "A window thou shalt make in the ship, a rather nice one with curtains. As pirates there be no need for a door, as thou shalt swing on ropes to exit thine ship."
14 "And behold, I shall cover the earth with a fresh tomato sauce to destroy all untastyiness. And I shall simmer this sauce on low for forty days and forty nights, and then another day allowing it to cool and thicken."
15 "Go and fill your ship with two of every spice in the land. Gather basil and paprika and salt and cayenne peppers that we my season the new tastiness of the world to come. This is my promise to you and all who come after you."
*
1 And so it came to pass that the Flying Spaghetti Monster did cleanse the earth with a fresh tomato basil sauce and remove all untastiness therein.
2 And Steve went into his ship and did float upon the sauce that covered all the earth for 41 days and 40 nights (allowing for cooling). And Steve had brought into the ship two of every spice and these he did liberally apply to the sauce through the very nice window with curtains that he had built.
3 On the 41st day the Pirate ship came to rest on a hill and so Steve sent forth a parrot to see if the sauce had receded, but the parrot found no place to roost and returned to the ship.
4 So Steve waited and after seven days he sent forth the parrot again to see if the sauce had abated and the parrot returned not to him again but instead found refuge beside a large beer volcano.
5 Thus it came to pass that on the 49th day the earth was dry and tasty and Steve built a small altar unto the Flying Spaghetti Monster and covered it with Parmesan. And Steve spoke to the Flying Spaghetti Monster saying, "In your tastiness the earth has been reborn and, wow, a beer volcano!"
6 And the Flying Spaghetti Monster saw that it was good and mighty tasty.
RAMEN
In other church news, no one has collected the
Boing Boing One Million Dollar prize for anyone who can definitively prove that Jesus is NOT the son of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
His Noodly Appendages continue to spread throughout the world to humans in need through the Generosity of Pastafarians with KIVA!
$1.7 million has been given by Pastafarians to date with a 99% payback rate!
Last but not least, a nod to my Alma Mater, East Carolina University, or... THE PIRATE NATION!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH! This, arguably is one of the best stadium pre-game pump-up videos around... I took the liberty of re-writing the poem to fit Net-Roots Nation...
NET-ROOTS NATION
( With apologies to ECU )
Take warning, of this web site
Steer clear ye, all ye trolls
Dread fearfully the powers
Of Kos posters and their polls
For if you chose to challenge
Progressive's goals dear mate
It's best ye know our strongest foes
Have met the darkest fate
Markets crashing in the night
Another home be sold
The culprit is the banker
His slurping up the gold
None have tried, the law has failed
To raid the banker's chest
All day, all night with words and fight
Progressives do contest
See, these lives they've leeched are sacred
Tis here we'll right the wrong
For they've stepped into a democracy
Three-hundred-fourteen million strong
These are our houses!
These are our states!
This is our nation...!
The Net-Roots Nation!!!
Please take time to click through and visit the official sites:
International Talk Like a Pirate Day
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (You can become an Ordained Pastafarian Minister here for $20!)
Share your favorite Pirate and Pasta links in the comments!
Have a safe and tasty four day holiday... keep your strainer on your head... and keep reaching for His Noodly Appendages !
See you again for Holiday, Ramendan, and Pastaover!