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Some of you might know me, some you might not, but I've been around this site for a bit, but now it might be time to just say goodbye.

To put it bluntly, I'm on the road to suicide. I've been on that road for at least almost 4 months. At least that's when I started to realize, and told some corners of the world about it. And if you're wondering why, well, I lost my mother in a car accident in March of '97, and this past December I lost my maternal aunt to breast cancer. Two of the closest people in my life.

I'm starting to see that more and more suicide is appearing to be a viable option. It carries compelling reasons: the chance at an escape from the pain, the chance to reunite with those gone, and the knowledge that the world will eventually move on without me.

It's a blend between a cancer and an addiction. It doesn't go away. No matter the distractions, it's still there, demanding attention. The voids still exist, and there is no replacing one of a kind.

I have a hard time doing anything right now. Right now I can't even work up the will to watch the football games on right now. Right now, I... pfft, I want to die. And I can't even work up the willpower to even do that. I know, I'm damn pathetic. I can't even do something I want to do, something that sounds more and more appealing as time advances.

I mean, what's left for me here? Everyone gives up sooner or later, people and things eventually leave one's life, and what's left? Nothing. And who mourns nothing?

I'd just love to get back what I love most.

Why am I posting this? I don't know, maybe people won't be totally shocked if they learn I'm gone.

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