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Kinda bummed my first experience with Obamacare won't be treating wounds incurred by a bear mauling at Yellowstone Park. Thanks, Republicans.

A fun alternative to the endless coverage of the Obamacaregovernmentshutdown is to take a fist full of Vicodin and chase it with a fifth of vodka.

Obama: The government shut down
Dubya: Turn it back on
Obama: Any ideas?
Dubya: Press power
Obama: …
Dubya: Or unplug it and plug it back in
Now that the government has shut down, marijuana is completely legal.

Trees are all like hey guys even though you've been murdering us for eternity, here’s some delicious Oxygen. Trees are very forgiving.

There are billions of mosquitoes on this planet, but only 1,000 pandas. Fuck you nature. Get your shit together.

Billions of galaxies, trillions of suns, and even more planets than that. All just waiting. Waiting for mankind to get it's shit together or not.



Why would they ban boozing in Congress when the NRA is buying the next round of body shots?

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