A facebook friend likened the situation to taking his credit card and buying boats and four-wheelers and vacations with it, then asking for his limit to be raised when he ran out of credit. Then refusing to pay and blaming them for not paying his bills if they refused, then going on vacation and sending them pictures of his hungry kids and blaming them for why his kids couldn't eat. Since he's a casual friend with whom I mostly share things about bacon, I felt it wasn't right to hit his wall with what I almost ended up posting. Then I thought, "Feckit, this would make a good Kos diary."
Follow me below the squiggly-doo for the epic metaphor.
I don't want to directly quote him on here without his permission, so the general gist is as follows:
"Let's put all sorts of toys on the credit card because we deserve it. Let's ask for more when we run out, and if the bank doesn't give it to us, let's refuse to pay, then blame the bank if our kids can't eat, and let's go on vacation while we do it."It's not exactly inaccurate in parts. The GOP has essentially done what my friend claims--they are refusing to pay the country's debts and blaming someone else for the debts not getting paid. But the metaphor approaches all government expenditures as wasteful and unnecessary, and leaves out the elephant in the room over what exactly prompted the hostage-taking.
So I started a response to him that fleshed-out that metaphor...only Facebook really isn't the place for it. For one, it's just too damn long to go into a wall comment. And I thought it would reach a wider audience and maybe we could refine it some more here. So without further ado...I give you the Epic Metaphor of Shutdown Doom:
I love the metaphor game! But if we're going to do it, let's do it right. See, you're not just buying toys on that credit card, you're buying food and shoes and clothes, buying gas, paying the utility bills, paying the babysitter, paying for the yardwork to be done, paying your doctor, paying the security guards, and paying for grandma's nursing home.
You are also making fairly reasonable payments, because the bank keeps extending you credit. When you reach your limit and ask for more, it's because the kids are growing up and need bigger clothes or tutoring, and the bank is mostly okay with that, because you've been a pretty good deal to them so far, what with your stable household and all.
But this time around, it's your ex (and your ex's lawyer, and maybe your ex's crazy new heart-throb), whom you still have to deal with for various reasons due to joint property and kids, and who is most of the time not that difficult to deal with beyond general snippiness. This time around, your ex has decided that the new health insurance plan you picked out for the family is not only bad, but going to end all life as we know it on the planet.
Your ex has protested this before, but you and the rest of the family outvoted your ex--even after negotiations made you agree to change some things about the new insurance. In fact, your ex embarrassed everyone a few years ago with an entire summer of spreading rumors and untruths and even made a lot of the family start eyeing you like you might just be a jerk. Being sane, and keeping the kids in mind, you bent on a few things that would have helped out a lot of the family members, and hoped that maybe later, once everyone got used to the new health insurance, you could fix the broken parts. And you thought you did a pretty good job, since your ex's new flame even got some sweetness out of the deal, business-wise.
But your ex has never gotten over the fact that the family sided with you most recently. In fact, your ex now firmly believes that families are Socialism and Evil (and maybe Muslim and Kenyan, too).
So your ex decided to stop making your family work like a family does. Your ex froze up ALL your joint accounts and stopped paying for ANYTHING you put on the card. Your ex has sent home the babysitter, dumped the clothes in the driveway, cleaned out half the fridge (including your secret stash of ding-dongs, which you didn't hide very well), and told grandma's nurse that she's "non-essential personnel." Your ex has also chased the meter reader out of the yard with an incoherent rant on why it's your fault that nothing's getting paid, and lets the babysitter know that you're the unreasonable reason why she's not getting paid, either.
Your ex is now standing in your front yard and screaming while the neighbors get out the lawn chairs and popcorn. Your ex wants to know why you're not paying your bills and why you want to destroy all life in the universe with health insurance.