From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
7 Handy Tips for Surviving a Republican Government Shutdown
1. Bourbon Highball Mix two ounces of bourbon with your choice of ginger ale, club soda or water. Add lemon peel and ice cubes. Stir while chuckling at catastrophic GOP poll numbers.Bonus Tip: Mix vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce and milk in a blender. Pour into tri-corn hat, stand outside a tea party meeting and shout, "I...drink...your...MILKSHAKE! Thrrp Thrrp Thrrrrrrrrrp!!!"
2. Screwdriver Pour one-and-a-half ounces vodka and five ounces of orange juice over ice cubes. Stir while extending middle finger at Fox News on TV until mixed to taste.3. Rusty Nail: Pour three quarters of an ounce of scotch into a glass with ice cubes. Float Drambuie on top. Optional: add tears from a Young Republicans recruiting captain.My golden rule: always use a
sippy cup that's up to the task.
4. Can of Beer: Push tab to open. Drink. Crush can to symbolize current Republican 2014 election prospects.
5. Whiskey Sour: Add juice of half a lemon, half a teaspoon of powdered sugar, and one-and-a-half ounces of blended whiskey into cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake and strain into a cocktail glass. Add cherry. When glass is empty, dazzle friends by popping cherry into mouth and tying stem into a knot with tongue to demonstrate what Democrats are currently doing to Republicans.
6. Virgin Margarita: Load two ounces simple syrup and one ounce each of lemon juice, orange juice and lime juice into a Super Soaker and shoot it across the room into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake as if you're John Boehner's hand holding a Camel Ultra Light. Serve.
7. Flip: Mix one cup beer [a stout like Guinness works best], two tablespoons of molasses, and one ounce Jamaican-style rum into mug or tankard. Heat loggerhead to red-hot in an open fire [a fireplace poker knocked clean of ashes will do], then thrust into drink. Keep loggerhead in place until, unlike Republicans, foaming and sputtering ceases.
Pour a stiff one and come on downstairs and splash. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, October 11, 2013
Note: Remember back in 1971 when I was seven and you asked me to remind you about the roast in the oven? [Tap Tap!] Don't forget about the roast in the oven.
Days 'til election day: 25
Days 'til the Arizona Taco Festival in Scottsdale: 8
Date on which CA Gov. Jerry Brown signed bills expanding access to abortion services and eliminating unnecessary regulations on clinics: 10/8/13
(Source: Think Progress)
Number of foreclosure actions taken in the 3rd quarter, down 39% from the third quarter of 2012: 174,366
Last time foreclosure actions were that low: 2006
Republican party's current (and all-time low) favorable rating with the American public, versus 43% for the Democrats: 28%
(Source: Gallup poll)
Percent chance that fat-bottomed girls make the rockin' world go 'round: 100%
Puppy Pic of the Day: Fox News
CHEERS to Janet Yellen. Since everyone else is doing it, I feel obligated to post a list of Essential Facts You MUST Know About the First Chairwoman of the Federal Reserve:
with this Democrat.
4. She used to work at that socialist hippie academy known as The University of California at Berkeley.But the most important thing you should know about Janet Yellen: her birthday---eight days after mine---is August 13, making her a bona fide Leo. And therefore absolutely perfect in every way.
5. She's currently Vice Poobah at the Federal Reserve and was Viceroy of the San Francisco Fed before that.
1. She believes that the main goal of the Fed is "maximum employment."
3. Doctors had to install special resistors along her neural pathways to prevent her brainpower from causing brownouts in major U.S. metropolitan areas.
2. Newt Gingrich models his hairstyle after Yellen's. Nobody except Gingrich finds this not creepy.
Cantor explain how they have
Democrats on the ropes.
It's getting hard to keep track of the hostage metaphors here, but if I have this right then the latest from Boehner means the House GOP is keeping both hostages---government shutdown and debt limit---but has agreed not to shoot the debt limit in the head for another six weeks.The hostage known as "shutdown" has, of course, already been sacrificed. But, hoping no one will notice, the GOP has propped it up in a chair, smeared some rouge on its calcified cheeks, stuck a beer can in its hand and pointed it at the TV. Epic fail. They forgot one thing: it still stinks.
CHEERS to naval gazing. 238 years ago this Sunday, the Continental Congress said, "Sure, why not?" (more accurately, "Sureth, why noteth?") to arming two ships with cannons. Little did they know that they had just formed the United States Navy. Today, of course, Congress would give the (no-bid) cannon contract to McDonnell Douglas, tack on twenty billion dollars in pork, and label anyone who didn't vote for it a terrorist appeaser. See? We learn as we go.
admiring his new statue.
House Speaker Mark Eves, D-North Berwick, said efforts to lend a little definition to LePage’s proclamation were “met with a cold shoulder.” That leaves all of Maine, as usual, waiting with bated breath to see what the Big Guy has up his sleeve this time: A helping hand? Or, as many state workers have good reason to fear, is it a clenched fist?I'd feel better if he hadn't bellowed his announcement from a statehouse balcony while shaking his fist in the air with Ride of the Valkyries playing from his office 8-Track. But, in his defense, at least he didn’t release any flying monkeys this time. These days that's what we call restraint.
Python's "The Meaning of Life"
30th anniversary edition.
On Bill Moyers & Company, Bill talks with constitutional law professor Heather Gerken about the new campaignj finance case before the Supreme Court (that might be even worse than Citizens United) and historical novelist Joyce Appleby. And here's your Sunday morning lineup---it'll be all about the Republicans' scorched-earth tactics (be prepared for lots of "But Democrats do it, too!!!"), but for shits and giggles let's check the male-female ratio among the hosts, guests and pundits:
Meet the Press: Sens. Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Rob Portman (R-who supports gay marriage-OH); Leon Panetta; roundtable with Judy Woodruff, Chuck Todd, Kathleen Parker and Harold Ford. Male-Female Ratio: 6:2
This Week: No idea. They haven't updated their web site yet. George must be out back smokin' weed. So I'll take an educated guess: two male guests and one female guest, and two pundits of each. Male-Female Ratio: 5:3Sunday morning on Fox News.
Face the Nation: This week it's Bob Schieffer's turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping. Plus: Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Kelly Ayote (R-NH); Mark Zandi from Moody's Analytics and Diane Swonk from Mesirow Financial; roundtable with Dee Dee Myers, Kimberley Strassel, Dan Balz and as listed on their official web page (last paragraph) "Newt Gingrinch" Male-Female Ratio: 6:4
CNN's State of the Union: Senator Rand Paul (R-KY). Other than that they haven't updated their web site. Candy must be out back smokin' weed with George from This Week. Male-Female Ratio: 1-1
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sens. Bob Manchin (D-WV) and Bob Corker (R-TN); Senate Chaplain Barry Black; George Will (nice to see he's gone to the dark side), Evan Bayh, Dana Perino and Juan Williams. Male-Female Ratio: 6:1
Final tally: 24 dudes, 11 dudettes. Oy. The networks' learning curve is sooooooo slow.
Five years ago in C&J: October 11, 2008
China, Wall Street sighed with relief.
And just one more…
CHEERS to visibility. Olly Olly Oxenfree!!! Today is the 25th National Coming Out Day, an annual event designed "to promote a safe world for LGBT individuals to live truthfully and openly."
Witnessing the rapid advancement of the LGBT movement has been nothing short of astonishing to me, and it's mainly because of some simple math: the more we come out, the more society at large---including the Daily Kos community, ya big lovable lugs---recognizes us, supports us, and advocates on our behalf towards the less-elusive-than-ever goal of full equality. (And we appreciate it more than you'll ever know.) Nobody said it better than good old Harvey Milk:
"Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out. Come out to your parents ... Come out to your relatives. Come out to your friends, if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors, to your fellow workers, to the people who work where you eat and shop. Come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake."...and, of course, for your free toaster oven.
Have a great fall weekend. (Them piles 'o leaves ain't gonna get jumped in all by themselves, y'know.) Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?