Could have been president, if not for that maddening serpent of evil 'n stuff.
Former actual Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, like most conservatives, is certain that none of the bad things that happen around him could possibly be his own damn fault. And once you've eliminated yourself as the problem, the only logical remaining explanation is
supernatural intervention:
Cain blamed the media for not "doing their due diligence." He insisted all three women who accused him are "liars." […]
Then he speculated as to who may have orchestrated the allegations: the Devil.
"It made me realize that there was a force bigger than right," Cain said.
Cain, who now an associate pastor at his Atlanta church and so spends a considerable amount of time pondering what "the Devil" might be planning on any given day, gave no similar speculation as to whether "the Devil" was going around harassing women while wearing a Herman Cain Halloween costume, even though by any measure it would seem exactly as plausible as demon possession of multiple women Herman Cain just happened to know.
It's also possible "the Devil" was behind Cain's famous and omnipresent 999 plan. Don't ask me why, but those numbers always seemed really suspicious to me.