When I was young -- lo, these many years ago -- I used to think that legislation was enacted in something like the way presented in the cartoon, "I'm Just A Bill." I imagined an idealistic young congressman, newly elected, who wanted to help his constituents and do some good in Washington. He would focus on some issue important to the people in his district and his state -- oil, for instance, in an oil-producing state -- and have his assistants research and draft a bill that would improve oil policy. After several months of working with his talented staffers, after hours and hours of spirited discussion, after challenges and compromises, he would have a bill to introduce on the floor of the House.
I've come to believe that the process is much different.
This is how I envision the legislative process now:
A newly elected Republican congressman takes his family to Disneyland for a week, then reports for work in Washington, D.C. He settles into his office for a couple of days, and then tackles his number one priority: fundraising.
Senators are elected for a term of six years, so they have some leeway -- actions they take in their first year, or two, or three, of office are likely to be long forgotten as the "issue of the day" overwhelms the public consciousness and they prepare for reelection. Congressmen, with a term of only two years, are obliged to start fundraising, and their reelection campaign, virtually from the day they are elected.
The first thing a new congressman will do is contact his campaign donors, thank them for their support, and express a wish that he can count on them for a generous donation in the next election.
After a couple of days, his phone rings. His secretary tells him he has a call from someone representing the oil lobby, someone who claims his organization made a million-dollar donation to the congressman's campaign. After a quick check of his Rolodex (paper or electronic), having verified that this is in fact a big donor on the line, he takes the call.
"Congressman, my name is Mr. Smooth, and I represent the oil lobby. Congratulations on your election, and welcome to Washington. I would very much like to speak to you, at your earliest convenience, about oil-related matters that are important to the people in your district."
The caller is assured that he will be given a meeting in the near future.
The congressman checks his schedule and tells his secretary:
"Cancel my scheduled meeting with constituents for 10 a.m. tomorrow; fob them off with some pictures and trinkets, and get them into a White House tour. I'll see Mr. Smooth from the oil lobby instead."
The next morning at 10, Mr. Smooth walks into the congressman's office wearing a $3,000 suit and carrying a $1,000 designer leather briefcase. He pulls a document from the briefcase and drops it on the desk.
"Good morning, Congressman. This is a bill we have drafted which we would like you to bring to the floor of the House. As you know, we donated $X to your election campaign, and we're happy to see you here. We're looking forward to a long and mutually beneficial relationship.
"I'm sure we both understand the vagaries of electoral politics, and two years from now, I may be standing at this desk talking to someone else. We have to cover all our bases, and we're aware that there is a faction in your district that thinks you're not conservative enough, and who may run someone against you in a primary next election. We've presented this proposal to people from that faction and they like it. However, we'd prefer to deal with you, so we hope you'll agree with us that this bill is in the best interests of your district and your state, and you'll present it to the House.
"By the way, our organization has booked a block of rooms in a five-star resort in Scotland with a marvelous golf course for the last week of next month, for friends and like-minded people. We would be delighted if you could join us for all or any part of the week. Let us know when you can make it, and we'll pick you up in a limousine to take you to our private jet. When you land in Scotland, a helicopter will take you to the resort, and you'll be checking in two hours after you leave D.C. You can bring a companion, who will of course remain completely anonymous.
"Thank you, Congressman, and again, welcome to Washington; we look forward to a long and fruitful relationship with you."
So does our congressman proceed with his plan to spend hundreds of man-hours hammering out an oil bill? Or does he simply present what is given to him, when people from the oil lobby have already done the heavy lifting for him? Does he respond to the veiled threat? Does he take the generous perks that have been offered to him?
"I'm just a bill"? I think it's a little different these days.