POLITIFORMERS: More than meets the pie!
[ Part I - II - III - IV - V ]
Little did you know, but many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.
Here in Part IV be the Demobots who manned (or, at least, sought) their executive posts with, erm, fortitude and distinction. Let us start... with the tail end of the credits: "The characters and events in this motion picture are fictional and have no relation to any real persons, living or dead." Pshaw. My ass, Hasbro. Heck, back when they made the show in the 1980s, they even set the movie in 2005! Well, I guess the lawyers did leave open "real persons yet to come." Here, see for yourself:
DEMOBOTS
Don't reverse the name mashup, or you might get ideas.
Descended from peaceful worker robots, their main weakness is that they can't fly. But then every once in a while some of them do anyway. Something about "keeping our powder dry?" Never mind that... Demobots, ROLL OUT!
Alpha Clinton
The prototypical New Demobot: the rest of 'em are just also-rans. Hell, he's merged consciousness with Washingtron's core.
Gorefire
He is a mighty warrior of great stature, though he disengages from messy combat too readily and at some point kind of checked out. I guess he was a bit of a New Demobot back in the day anyways. He seems to be of a more advanced technology. As he is made of metal, he's a little stiff. (That's a cheap shot—they're all made of metal!) You know, were he in charge, he never woulda attacked the
planet Iraq, and he was damn right about that high-mileage maintenance
lockbox.
Lieber-1
A GoToWarBot? You're
no Demobot. You suck!
Percepterry
A solid technocrat, he cleans up other Demobots' interplanetary messes, and he thoroughly—and I mean microscopically—inspects both sides of everything before acting. Heck, he overthought himself right out of winning leadership of the whole shebang. You'd expect he'd have a little more consistency as a peacemonger, given his
background. Still, he's got staying power.
Howard Rod
He's fiery, and he seems impulsive, but what the hell, the Demobots shoulda given him the Matrix of Leadership in 2004. Maybe he could've used it to light our darkest hour, or something. At least we
pie-throwers helped get him the Command Chair of the Demobotic spaceship,
over the New Demobot-types'
best efforts.
Jacks
Smooth and urbane, he... Aw, what the hell, it doesn't really fit, but
who cares, look at those flames on the hood! Why the red face, though? Must be from his latest gaffe.
Hilljack
Pragmatic and versatile, and never one to shy from a fight, she earned her racing stripes
trying to build a universal tune-up and repair network back in the Alpha Clinton administration. Damn that Republicon sabotage! She's always burning the midnight oil at her machine shop, working on some powerful new device. A little
too powerful of a device...
Baracktimus Prime
A monumental example to the rest of the Demobots, he exudes thoughtful assuredness and authority. His political rise was like the truck rolling down the highway that he is. (By the way, where
does that semi-trailer full of
support gear go when he's not in campaign trail mode?) Still, he so often fights on the Demobots' own turf, pulls their punches, knowingly walks them into traps, and does things that leave you wondering what's really going on, you begin to think that the major plot points follow a script written on behalf of owners of large corporations, who are trying to get you to become true-believer fans so that you'll buy their stuff and fork over even more of your money. Nah... That couldn't be it, could it?
Pro tip: Mouse over the images and wait a sec to see the pre-mashup names.
This is the fourth in a five-part daily series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
I. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
II. Republicons - Pillage of the Damned
III. Demobots - Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
IV. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
V. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
Each part will be posted at 7:30 PM PST on consecutive days. Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode of... the Politiformers!
Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987). Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition.