From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Today's Boring Corrections
• Suzanne Somers' claim in The Wall Street Journal that Lenin said “Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state” and Churchill said “Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens” is in error. The correct Lenin quote is, "Suzanne Somers needs to vet her conspiracy email better," and the correct Churchill quote is: "The Wall Street Journal needs to vet Suzanne Somers better."
• Dr. Marc Siegel, cited as a member of the whiz-bang "Fox News Medical A-Team," claims that "too many people" have health insurance. This is false. Fox News doesn’t have an A-Team on medicine or any other subject.
• On Monday, Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) called Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) "an absolute asshole." This is false. Senator Reid is an asshole only on rare occasions, and only the Democratic base can say with certainty when those occasions are. Senator Tom Coburn, meanwhile, remains something far, far worse: an absolute Senator Tom Coburn.
• A new Christmas ornament produced by Hallmark reads: "Don we now our FUN apparel." The correct phrase should apparently read: "Homos are ICKY."
• Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay claims he's on a mission from God. In fact, that position has already been filled:
We're sure they regret the errors.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Note: Because you people insist I do this every October: "I vant to suck your blood." [Sigh] There. I said it. Same time next year?
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FDR and Churchill light the National
Xmas tree on December 24, 1941.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Charlie Crist
announces his run for Florida governor:
5
Days 'til the ticket lottery starts for the
Lighting of the National Christmas Tree:
1
Barrels of crude oil---mostly tar sands crude---that Canada exports here every day:
1.9 million
Barrels per day they hope to export here by 2030:
5 million
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
Portion of Americans in their 30s who have a tattoo:
40%
(Source: Time)
Percent of Americans who researched their ex-lovers on the internet in 2005 and 2013, respectively:
11%, 24%
(Source: Pew study via
Time)
Affordable Care Act helpline:
1-800-318-2596
World Series
Boston leads St. Louis 3 games to 2
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 3 date settings and 1 very chatty supreme overlord). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: I don’t post pics of dogs in Halloween costumes because I want to. I post pics of dogs in Halloween costumes because I must…
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CHEERS to Hawaii (with the two i's being a same-sex couple standing next to each other in Hawaii getting married and how cool is that!) Here's an update on how the special session of the legislature is going: after making it through committee, the gay-marriage light is still green...
The full Senate is expected to vote on the bill [today]. If it passes, it will go to the House, where a joint hearing before the Judiciary and Finance committees is scheduled Thursday. The Senate legislation would recognize marriages between persons of the same gender and would extend to same-sex couples the rights, benefits, protections and responsibilities that opposite-sex couples now have.
Awesome! Meanwhile, back on the mainland, the Senate is
just a whisker shy of having enough votes to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA)…and another same-sex couple got married at the Supreme Court, this time
by Sandra Day O'Connor. Conclusion: the bigots are having a very bad week.
JEERS to our noble opposition. Here's a quick summary on where the Republican party currently stands on some of the issues. You'll find this handy when the subjects come up at home, at work, or on the internet:
Immigration reform "We love it! No, wait…I think we hate it now, right? Yeah---we hate it now."
Voting rights: "As long as you lean right, we don’t mind you voting."
Big government: "Outside the bedroom and the vagina, we're against it."
Obamacare: "It's a socialist takeover of one-sixth of our economy, we hate it, it stinks, and damn the Democrats to hell for not making this piece of shit a wild success fast enough!"
The Tea Party: "The Republican establishment loves the tea party. And we're not just saying that because they have us hogtied in the cellar with a bag of scorpions hanging over our heads. H…..e…..l…p…….."
And in breaking news, House Republicans want to
reduce the number of days remaining on their schedule. They say they'd like to spend more time at their house doing nothing, as opposed to spending more time at the House doing nothing. Hard to argue with that.
CHEERS to #2. And happy 278th birthday to John Adams, born October 30, 1735. A few toasts from his colleagues:
Johnny B. Fussy
"He's actually insane!"
---Sec. of War James McHenry
"Sometimes absolutely mad!"
---Ben Franklin
"He is vain, irritable, and a bad calculator of the force and probable effect of the motives which govern men."
---Thomas Jefferson
Okay, well, that was fun. Pay
your respects here. But watch your words---he still thinks the Alien and Sedition Acts are in effect.
CHEERS to the new Kossack on the block. Yesterday the world got the news on Twitter that Jesse LaGreca---aka Ministry of Truth---and his wife welcomed their new daughter into the world: Janis Maddow LaGreca. Yup…Maddow. Lucky kid:
For the new baby Kossack, I have the usual welcome gifts: a jar of paste (and a spoon), a doodle by Banksy that I chiseled off the side of a convenience store, and the keys to the C&J Lexus. On second thought, let's make that the keys to my C&J Walk 'n Roll Rider. I don’t mind---I can take the bus for awhile.
CHEERS to theatre of the mind. Seventy three years ago today, on October 30, 1938, Orson Welles' The War of the Worlds aired on CBS radio. By using fake news reports with deadpan seriousness, the broadcast caused a panic among listeners who thought the reports of a Martian invasion were true. To this day it's Dick Cheney's favorite bedtime story.
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Five years ago in C&J: October 30, 2008
Parade readers chose...wisely.
CHEERS to another McCain-trouncing poll.
Parade magazine asked its readers to rate Obama and McCain on the leadership qualities that author Doris Kearns Goodwin ("Team of Rivals") saw in both Lincoln and FDR. You'll never guess who came out on top:
Willingness to change: McCain 34% Obama 66%
Self-control: McCain 36% Obama 64%
Strong moral compass: McCain 40% Obama 60%
A gift for inspiring others: McCain 31% Obama 69%
McCain didn't walk away empty-handed, though. He was voted most likely to be least like Lincoln and FDR. I think he wins a plaque or something.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a pratfall far, far away. I can only imagine how many billions of dollars George Lucas has made on Star Wars Halloween costumes. Yes, it makes me feel a little creaky to think that in 1977 they were the hippest, coolest new thing, and 36 years later they've become retro-chic. That's my awesome setup for this…some new Star Wars bloopers. Enjoy:
So Peter Cushing wasn't flawless after all? Like the rebellion in one swift stroke, I'm crushed.
Have a nice Wednesday, my scruffy-looking nerf herders. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Fear of Bill in Portland Maine May Be Part of Natural Evolution
---hngn.com
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