Today has been a rough day for me, and so I thought I would put up a nice lighthearted diary for people to come by and put their favorite jokes in.
For me, the best humor are Jewish jokes and puns, but I leave the diary open for any and all forms of humor since humor is in the eye of the beholder. :)
I decided to seed the diary with my all time favorites, I know that they are cheesy, but that is why they are my favorites.
So come on, stop in, and pull up a seat and tell us a joke or two.
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner. Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal,the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.”
“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.
“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”
“I’m marrying a Russet!” “A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”
As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother, I too, have an announcement.”
“And what might that be?” asked Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”
“You, too!”Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening!And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?”
“I’m marrying an Idaho,” beamed the middle daughter.
“An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato?
Umm, I, too, have an announcement to make.”
“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her,”I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!”
“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?”
“I’m marrying Dan Rather!”
“Dan Rather?!”
Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender gives him a beer and a bowl of nuts. The guy starts drinking his beer and munches on a few nuts when suddenly he hears a soft voice, "Hey that's a nice tie"
The guy looks around and sees no one except the bartender at the other end of the bar. The guy takes another sip of his beer and munches a few more nuts when again he hears the soft voice, "Man you are looking good, have you lost weight?"
The guy looks around, dazed and confused, and only sees the bartender down at the other end of the bar. He has another sip of his beer, a few more nuts, and the same thing happens again, the soft voice, "Wow, where do you buy your clothes? I simply love your jacket"
The guy calls the bartender down. "Do you hear voices?" the guy asks nervously. "Voices Sir?" the bartender asks thinking he's got a weirdo sitting at the bar. "Yeah, watch this" says the guy. He sips his beer and munches a handful of nuts.
Sure enough there's the soft voice. "Man are you smart or what."
"Oh, that", says the bartender, "its the nuts."
"The nuts?", asks the guy.
"Yes" says the bartender, "they're complimentary.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goldstein had been going to the same restaurant for ten years. Every day he starts with the same thing, barley soup. One day, as soon as he comes in the waiter brings the soup over to his table.
"I want you to taste the soup," Goldstein says as the waiter starts to walk away.
"What's the matter?" the waiter asks, "Every day you take the same barley soup."
"I want you to taste the soup," Goldstein repeats.
"You don't want the barley soup?" the waiter says, "I'll bring you something else."
"I want you to taste the soup," Goldstein says once more.
"Okay, okay, I'll taste the barley soup," says the waiter, wearily, "Where's the spoon?"
"Aha!"