Right after the Supremes decided Windsor earlier this year, I asked my PBR (Partner, Boyfriend, Roommate) to get married. He said yes and I started planning our wedding.
I worried about the timing of the wedding and what the IRS would decide to do with our equality.
I worried when the shutdown dashed any hopes of a Washington DC wedding.
I worried about my credit card balances when we talked about a big wedding in Napa.
I worried about the vows, what we would say, what we would pledge.
I worried about what we would wear.
I worried about who would be invited... and who would actually come.
After the IRS ruled we could file jointly, we decided that we would be married this year come hell or high water.
And we picked our location and called four of our closest friends.
And then the fun began...
Our very close friends decided to join us in New York City. In fact, two of our friends decided that they would also tie-the-knot the same day... a double wedding in NYC.
And everything started out perfectly...
Before we left Texas, we told some friends in our neighborhood that we were getting married. I told my brothers and my PBR told his family.
After we arrived in NYC, we checked into our room... 35th floor of the Marriott Financial District overlooking the Hudson and the Statue of Liberty. We were greeted by a beautiful flower arrangement and champagne on ice. Our wonderful neighbors, our Texas conservative neighbors, sent us the flowers and champagne. We were very touched.
That Wednesday evening, we walked from our hotel to Tribeca and had an amazing dinner at Locanda Verde, the new DeNiro restaurant. Perfect food and great atmosphere. On the way back to the hotel, we found a park that had every tree lit with white holiday lights. We just stood there, holding hands, enjoying the park, the city, and each other.
On Thursday, we went to the City Hall near Wall Street to get our marriage license. Again we walked to the hall and found a park with sculpture dedicated to those impacted by HIV. We walked through the park and watched people feed the squirrels. Arriving at City Hall was kinda like walking into a gay bar. There were lots of same-sex couples getting their licenses. We were amazed at how much excitement there was in the hall. Walking back to the hotel, license in hand, we stopped on the Brooklyn Bridge to recreate a photo we took in 1999, the first time we were ever in NYC.
That evening, we went to see the musical Kinky Boots with Billy Porter. Amazing, funny, touching, uplifting, and great music. If you have the chance, go see it.
Later that evening, after the show, we had dinner at Osteria Morini, a great restaurant near Little Italy. Nice wine, great pasta, and amazing atmosphere allowed our wedding party of 8 to cap a wonderful evening with stories, laughter, and love.
Friday was a day to check some items off our NYC bucket list. I insisted that we have lunch at the Carnegie Deli. Best pastrami in the world. We went shopping at Century 21. We hit the gay bars for happy hour and then went in search of on-demand bachelor party strippers... finally finding one at the Hangar. I was hoping for a Jake Gyllenhaal look-alike, but Alex did just fine...
Saturday was spent getting ready for our wedding at the Standard Hotel in the Meatpacking District (no comments about that please). The flowers that our neighbors sent were broken down into 6 boutineers, a wedding bouquet, and a table decoration for the reception. The flowers were our "something borrowed".
Getting married with an amazing view of the Hudson and the setting sun was perfect. There was even a disco ball over the space which we found quite fitting. The ceremony that we wrote was perfect for us and after the exchange of rings, my PBR became my husband. We went to the rooftop for a champagne toast and to watch the sunset.
The reception started with drinks at the Stonewall Inn, an iconic bar which was key in the modern fight for gay rights. Then on to Julius Bar, NYC's oldest gay bar and Greenwich Village's oldest bar. Dinner was at Macelleria in the Meatpacking District. Outstanding. I was amazed at how it has changed into a vibrant area with lots of restaurants and an electric street scene.
We were enjoying our last night in NYC with our friends from Georgia and from Brooklyn. The food was great and the final glass of port was the perfect end to the perfect day. I was basking in the memory of the entire weekend, laughing with my husband and our friends. Getting a little reluctant to end the evening as we were heading back to Texas the next day. We had a great weekend and everyone was enjoying what turned out to be two perfect weddings (thanks to our NY wedding planners... and I didn't have to raise my credit limit on my Discover card).
Everything was just fine... and then everything changed.
As we were settling the bill, my husband put his hand on my back to lean into the conversation. That was it. A simple touch. It felt different... electric. It was magical. We both felt it and looked into each others eyes and we both knew. Things had changed. The touch felt different. We felt different. We were married. The electricity that we have felt for each other for the last 17 years was in that touch. Our ups and downs. Our happy times and sad times. Our life together. It was all in that touch. And of all the amazing things that weekend, that touch will be what I remember most. That lingering touch between us was magical. We were husbands now. Forever.
To those who think it doesn't matter if you get married or not, I disagree.
It matters.
We're more equal now. We're more secure now. We're more connected now.
It matters.
We left on Sunday as a married couple and headed back to Texas and a very warm reception with more champagne toasts from our neighbors. Back to our normal life as husband and husband. Back to work. Back to our world.
Our thanks to all of those who have fought so hard to get all of us to this point in our struggle toward full equality. And congratulations to New Mexico for joining the party. We have to continue the fight until all of us are equal. Period.
And thanks to my husband for that amazing touch on the back that changed everything.
7:05 PM PT: Thanks for all the comments and for putting us on the rec list... just another great thing from our wedding weekend... and thanks Dave for the rescue. Happy Holidays everyone. --Skip and Skip's Husband.