'Tis the season of lists and "listicles" (is there a difference?). Top ten lists of movies, books, theater, TV shows, and may others, including the top ten Letterman top ten lists (well, if there isn't there should be).
But for those of us exasperated and furious at the hackery spilled onto the pages of newspapers, TV and the internet by "journamalists," the ultimate List should be Alex Pareene's Hack List 2013 in Salon.
The list includes some obvious names, and some surprises:
10. Malcolm Gladwell
9. Thomas Friedman
8. Peggy Noonan
7. Henry Blodget
6. Erick Erickson
5. Richard Cohen
4. David Brooks
3. Benny Johnson
2. Mark Halperin and John Heilman
1. Mike Allen
This year, rather than merely referencing, quoting and mocking the Hacks, Alex "channeled each hack's unique voice" -- and let them 'write' their own entries."
But before you read it, take the quiz! Below are some samples of Pareene's great work, leaving out the target of each. Put your answers in the comments.
And no cheating. I'm talking to you, Shia Leboeuf and Rand Paul.
First Prize: A one year subscription to Politico
Second Prize: A two year subscription to Politico
Third Prize: A transcript of every David Brooks lecture at the Aspen Institute.
Then take the poll!
A. For a long time, the New York Times was vertical. It was longer top-to-bottom than side-to-side — unless you opened it up. Now, no one opens up the New York Times physically, they open it in their Web browsers. Suddenly, the New York Times is horizontal — until you scroll. That changes everything. Now the New York Times is horizontal and vertical.
B. Ideas, for those who aren’t clear on the concept, are simply attention-grabbing assertions. The Columnist is one of a group of people who create these assertions and sell them to rich people. His first book, “I Confirmed All My Biases By Driving to a Strip Mall,” is a big hit among people who like to feel superior while reading gentle mocking of people who like to feel superior. “Some Americans enjoy NASCAR,” he writes. “Others prefer arugula and are very proud of themselves for this fact.”
C. Where is the politician brave enough to address the widespread fear of black violence? No major public figure ever talks about it, besides [me]. There is a political correctness omerta around the issue of black people committing crime and being frightening. I wish I had a solution to this problem. I thought Barack Obama would fix it, by making it permissible for [me] to admit to his racial anxieties without fear of any sort of backlash.
D. There is an Old America and there is a New America. [I am] of the Old America. The New America loves newness. It sees a new person, and it says, “Hey, look at that guy.” Old America says, “I don’t care for this new person.” Is there a place in the New America for [me]?
Was [I] ever a new person? Logic and science say yes. I’m not so sure.
E. The result could’ve been predicted a year in advance. In fact, some people had predicted it a year in advance, with some nonsense about economic trends and approval ratings. . . It all came down to gaffes, flubs, . . . and arguments between low-level staffers about ads that would run in a few media markets four months before the election. . . And there was the freak show.