Newly discovered early draft:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equally fame-worthy, and that they are endowed by their Warhol with certain, unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and a Fifteen Minutes of Fame.
That to secure these rights, Reality Shows are instituted among Cable Networks, deriving their just ratings from the consent of the viewers, That whenever any Form of Negative Publicity becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Cable Network to cancel them, and to institute new Reality Shows, laying its foundation on such premises and organizing its schticks in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Success and the Happiness of Sponsors. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Reality Shows long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that viewers are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by changing the channel or reading Books, abandoning the Shows to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of stupid Quotes given to popular Magazines, pursuing invariably Publicity and Product Tie-Ins evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Consumerism, it is their right, it is their duty, to can such Reality Show Stars, and to provide new Pablum for their future Ratings.