I ask you to let your imagination fly for a while. You've just boarded a flight going to a destination of your dreams. If you have the inkling you can imagine you're sitting in business or first class. Might as well make the most of your imagination. The seat belt sign has just been turned off and you're cruising at 35,000 feet.
Since this is my diary you can't have everything your way. You happen to be sitting next to me. You reach for the Skymall catalogue in your seat pocket in front of you. You notice that I'm looking through my copy. We strike up a conversation about one of the items for sale. We quickly both realize that each of us think shopping while cruising at 35,000 feet in a flying gas tank is the absolute best activity one can partake in as a credit card carrying red blooded all American. We quickly begin an in depth shopping spree for the duration of the flight. For this segment of the flight we're taking a look at dogs.
There is nothing a super-consumer won't do to provide comfort and convenience for their pets. Your Fido deserves the very best. SkyMall's selection of canine accessories is unsurpassed.
Let's check just a few of the many items available to make your dog's life worth living.
First off let's get Fido relaxed. There is nothing more distressing than the sight of a dog stressing from all the pressures of their dog eat dog world? The perfect solution is the Thundershirt providing calming pressure to sooth and calm.
Next let's get your canine friend trained to poop in the right place! No reason your dog should crap out the entire lawn.
With this dog training device you can quickly train your puppy to use a designated area. Place the block down and watch it draw your pet (along with all the other pets in the neighborhood) like a magnet with its special scent that is irresistible to both male and female dogs.
For the couch potato who can't be bothered to walk the dog the Porch Potty is the perfect solution. Throw in the scented fire hydrant and you may never have to step outside with Fido again!
Having trouble keeping your dog in bounds? The PetSafe® Wireless Receiver Collar keeps Fido trapped in up to a 3/4 acre area. And remember if it's PetSafe® it's also safe to strap on your Alzheimer's dementia suffering relative to keep them safe from roaming the neighborhood too!
PetSafe® Bark Control Collars will likewise silence a yappy 4-legged pet or 2-legged relative in a safe and gentle fashion. You never have to listen to useless yapping again!
Make sure your pooch can step up to the best seat in the house with PupSTEP Stairs.
If your pet is too feeble to negotiate steps to reach couches and chairs the combination pet ramp and staircase is the perfect solution.
Don't like the idea of your dog jumping on the furniture? PetSafe's® Scatmat® teaches them good manners by gently prodding them off with low-voltage inducement. Having trouble with guests overstaying their welcome? Use ScatMat® to gently prod them into leaving too! Yours for only $79.95.
Why not give your dog its own couch more comfortable than the one you lay on! Now you can with the Comfy Couch Dog Bed. Yours for just $99.95!
To give your dog a unique resting option how about a pair of matching PetCrate end tables complete with chew-proof metal bars. Buy the pair for a mere $500.00.
Do your barkers just hate laying around in wet grass? Our elevated dog bed keeps them comfortable and dry.
How about the Elevated Dog Bed with shade for extra luxury?
Can't stand the thought of not having your hound dog around to hound you? Your problem is solved.
PetSafe® also offers a wide selection of dual function pet fountains. Use any of these all year long for your pets drinking pleasure. For that special Drunks Can Still Drink After They Drop party these fountains offer continued beverage access long after the ability to stand has been lost.
Does your dog have halitosis breath? Do you? That could be a real problem. Fix the problem withTropiclean fresh-breath products. They will eliminate periodontal disease without the need for brushing in just 30 days!
Because you love your dog you need to know your mutt's lineage. Help answer this question with the Wisdom Panel® Insights ancestry report available for just $69.99.
You've just about got your dog's problems licked but you still need one more item. Give a Lick! Receive a Lick!
Let your imagination run wild and give your dog a real treat (and maybe yourself) with LicketyStik® Disclaimer: LicketyStik® cannot be held liable for any injury due to bites. Owner assumes all risk.
Damn, where is that bite training program?
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Super-consumerism is a major problem in the United States and increasingly in the rest of the world. The above post takes a humorous poke at this serious problem. Consumption is inescapable for survival. Capitalism is a great economic system capable of providing much in goods and services. Our Church reminds us that capitalism is a great system to produce anything that people can be convinced to buy. It is a terrible system to conserve. We can no longer produce and consume all that we want that capitalism can provide. It is not sustainable. As followers of the Church of the Holy Shitters we strive to practice Soft and Fluffy Consumerism. This means we look at things from a waste-end perspective before deciding to purchase any product. What we buy and how we spend our money matters! For more detailed discussion of this issue please read this article on decrapulation.
Other related articles:
Consumer Diarrhea - America's Disease!
Commandment # 6 - Thou shalt not buy unnecessary shit.
Ass-backward Consumerism
The Church of the Holy Shitters will post articles on our holy S.H.I.T. day ( So Happy It's Thursday)
Last week: 12/26/13 - SkyMall Shopping - Cats
Next week: 1/9/14 - Commandment #8 - Thou Shalt Conserve Shit: A Closer Look
Hoping to add some humor, provoke thought, spark debate, deepen understanding, and shed some light on the fecal side.
Remember: "If we really want to straighten out all this crap we really need to think about shit." ( Shitbit by Poop John the First of the Church of the Holy Shitters)
Church of the Holy Shitters
Originally posted on http://holyshitters.com/