We all have those friends or relatives that forward ridiculous emails or make asses out of themselves after a few drinks at dinner. Here is the email that I have formulated to appease the great many people we have in our lives in all their diverse views.
To my Conservative Friends:
I hope you had a terrific celebration of the birth of your deity's son who is also your deity and whose birthday was arbitrarily decided to take place at the same time as the pagan celebration of the winter solstice! May your offense to people disregarding this silly ass idea burn hot in your belly and lead you to believe in things like the "War on Christmas." May you not be forced to spend less money because of things like energy efficient light bulbs and your lives not be prolonged by commie agendas like affordable health care! I wish you the best for the upcoming year in your pursuit to not get gay married, have an abortion, intermingle with black or brown people or eat a salad!
To my Liberal Friends:
Hope you had a great holiday season and Happy New Year!