Fellow Kossacks, I am at the end of my proverbial rope. I am a single, gay progressive in small-town Mississippi, and after 2013 I want out. My only brother died in a car wreck in late April. Most of my family (parents and a handful of others excepted) have nothing to do with me nor act as if they care at all. In my college days, I was an ardent gay activist on the University of MS campus, with the energy to fight all the injustices of my home state. Now, in my 30s, my familial and other connections here are ever more tenuous, and I'm sick of beating my head against the wall. Now, I'm tired of it and just want out!
I'm tired of hearing "Democrat" being used as a PC substitute for "nigger." If you haven't heard this new use for our party's name, you haven't been to any white-only gatherings in Mississippi. I can't tell you how often I hear "I just went to such-and-such store, and it was full of Democrats...", by which of course they mean "blacks" but really mean "niggers" but know better than to say it that way. So now, they just use "Democrat" as a more-PC pejorative.
I'm tired of living in a state where the majority cares more about bringing down Obama and Obamacare than they do in saving the lives, health, and, yes, money of their own people.
I'm tired of being discriminated against as a gay man--in employment, civil rights, adoption, and any other host of issues I could name.
I'm tired of fighting just to live my life and have a family.
I'm tired of walking out my door every day expecting to experience discrimination of some kind.
I'm tired of trying to justify myself and my life to my extended family and broader community.
I'm tired of being surrounded, including at family events, by racists and people whose brains were broken by the election of Barack Obama. Christmas dinner (and Thanksgiving... and Labor Day) with the family this year were all spent realizing how far down the rabbit hole things have gone here.
I'm tired of looking for a job. I'm a well-educated, licensed attorney who has been working out of my home since I graduated from law school three years ago now. I've been looking for better, more remunerative employment for most of that time. Whether by discrimination for my sexual orientation, my leftist politics, or just the tough job market, NONE of my many resumes have received so much as a call back. Only ONE firm has so far even been considerate enough to send a "thank you for your resume and application, but..." letters. Needless to say, my student loans are not getting paid at the moment, just piling up thousands more dollars in interest that will limit my options well into the future, particularly after my deferments run out and it starts ruining my credit rating.
And I'm really tired of feeling "stuck" here and thinking about suicide as the only way out. I haven't had such thoughts this seriously or frequently since I was bullied horrendously in junior high and high school.
So, now I just want out: I'd like to move to Washington (state) most of all, I think, but any "blue" state would surely be preferable to where I am. Because my future here honestly looks pretty bleak to nonexistent, and I just don't know of any other way to get to somewhere and something better.
I wouldn't put this out there if I thought I could get there on my own. But, it feels as though my own family, state, and community here have mostly forsaken me, though, so I thought I might have better response from asking for help from this one. So, if any of you have any leads on a blue-state job for a progressive, well-educated attorney (and longtime Kossack) from Mississippi, I'd really appreciate the help/suggestions/lifelines.
5:22 PM PT: Wow, made the rec list! I think I only made the rec list once before, back in early days/years of Daily Kos, so really wasn't expecting such a response to something I posted. Glad to know its still possible... Anyway, thanks to you all for your comments, advice, and uplifting notes...
Wed Jan 08, 2014 at 12:13 PM PT: I just really wanted to thank everyone who has read, recommended, and responded to this diary. I've read every one, I promise. I really appreciate the "hive mind" effort everyone was able to put to the problem, as well as the offers of individual help. As a result, I am currently looking at getting admitted on motion in Washington State and perhaps relocating to SW Washington State, if everything works out once I get everything in order here on my end. One commenter made Olympia sound particularly appealing, and as a state capital that is more likely to have legal-specific jobs than some other places. Not that I'm limiting myself to that, just that those are now the top of my list, city and state-wise. Other commenters have made me interested in at least visting Houston, Roanoke, Portland (OR and ME), and Philadelphia. I will do my best to keep you all updated on any progress I make in the coming weeks and months.