We all suffer this malady - judgement(s) base on the color of our skins, the kind of car we drive, whether or not our pearly whites are indeed white and straight, what kind of car we drive, whether or not we work and where....oh the list is endless.
I'd like to say that I have managed to overcome being affected by other people's judgements. Well, I'd like to say it, but if I did, the statement would be a BIG FAT Lie.
Not so very long ago, I migrated from the Judgement Capital of the US, Los Angeles, to a small rural village in central Vermont. For the most part, living here has remarkably decreased the type of judgement I faced in Los Angeles. I've never had a white woman grab and clutch her purse out of unreasonable fear just because a product I use is also in the same aisle. I've never been shoved on purpose by angry white men in our upscale suburb in the foothills of LA, neighbors one might call them, after the Rodney King verdicts. I was even told, by an eastern European older man, well over 70, in broken English, spittle and rage flying, to get out of his country!
No, moving to the NE has removed me from the arena of a certain kind of seething white rage lurking under the surface like a fetid demon as well as all of the supercilious BS that poses as acceptable human behavior based solely on where you live, how much you earn and what kind of car you drive.
Most people think that living in LA, which roughly translates into its inhabitants being liberal progressive, which means race blind. Well, most of us know that translations (one foreign language to another with accuracy) are often very, very wrong! And so too is this assumption about California and in turn Los Angeles being a mecca for people of color and women that are categorized as Plus Size because their dress size is larger than a size 4. But of course, these types of judgements are passed millions of times everyday almost everywhere because of modern technology. It would be a blessing for everyone, worldwide, to celebrate and practice a non-judgement day.
But then of course we would have to find a way to stop being, what some scientists claim is inherently human, judgmental. It would have to start with something simple - stop media talking heads from their toxic daily diatribes against the other.
Think about it! Bill O'Reilly, Sarah Palin, Anne Coulter, Rush Lumbaugh, Laura Ingram, Richard Cohen all attest that racism no longer exists in the United States and discredits any black person that says that it does. How, and more importantly, why is it possible for a man, O'Reilly to be specific, be accepted as a credible resource for determining whether racism continues to afflict a very specific part of American society? Considering that the man was stunned to learn that blacks, in a Harlem restaurant, could eat with utensils and conduct themselves like gracious and cultured human beings, in 2013 is exactly the type of judgment we need less of in our burgeoning race blind culture. What we also need less of is white media personalities validating what they perceive as what it means to live, daily, as a person of color in this country.
I've been married to the same man for almost forty-eight years. When we married waaaay back in 1966, our marriage was illegal. I/we don't expect a medal for our long term relationship but it would be very, very nice if people could stop staring at us two old, grey haired, obviously still in love bi-racial couple, as if we just arrived from some far and distant planet.
The dreams that I had for our kids, so eloquently spoken by a man, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., are still a work in progress. Our youngest is still greeted by educated, older and young white male physicians at medical conferences with phrases such as "how did you get here?", or worse, her presence stoically ignored.
So, to sum it up simply, we all need to leave our judgment of others aside. Perhaps we can all begin by starting non-judgment for just an hour and then work our way up to a day? My environment affords me a diversity of beauty every single day. And I am resolute in the knowledge that we are all beautiful and that well all deserve something called respect. I can accept that many, many people do not and will never like me, but is it too much to ask that the dislike be because of something more than the color of my skin or who I choose to marry?