Skip to main content

HOUSE RULES

It's pretty simple: If you can't be kind, begone or at least don't post.

I am carrying enough stress right now and don't need any lectures on how I should handle everything, and how you would handle it all so much more rationally, calmly and nicely. The truth is unless you have already lost a spouse once from a heart problem, you don't know how you would react.  I also have other factors to deal with: the death of my oldest cat a week ago, complicated relationships with MiL and his siblings, etc

So if you can't be supportive or kind, spare me the increased stress. Feel free to pat yourself on the back on your superiority (don't sprain anything though) over me.  Feel Free to dislike me and as one person said, "mean" because I am concerned about the effect of the area being extremely right-wing Christian and unfriendly to Wiccans and because I just dislike the area.   I don't care for the culture, and the culture isn't very accepting of people like my hsuband and me.\

Pretend this is my husband's hospital room. If you wouldn't say to his face, do us both a favor and don't post it here.

It's Saturday.  I finally got the temperature up to the 70s in the house.  I woke up early but crawled back under the covers just to stay warm--couldn't get it up past 64 last night.  Heaters here aren't designed to handle temps  in the 20s, and it's another cold night again. It was a four-cat night, with us all sleeping together trying to stay warm. I brought it up a degree at a time and it was 5 pm before it reached 74 degrees.

I didn't o to the hospital today, mostly because MiL didn't ask if I wanted to go. She had muttered something when I spoke to her about paperwork from the surgeon. I tried not to go ballistic but told her that any official paperwork needed to go to me, and she should tell the staff that if they tried to give it to her.I had called her because I tried for 2 1/2 hours and got nothing but busy signal.  Finally got through to the main desk and had them transfer me to the charge desk.  They went in and found he'd knocked it over.  Had to explain to MiL that I was worried there had been an emergency and it had gotten knocked over.

 FINALLY talked to him.  He's having issues with Percocet; it not only knocks him but it makes him hallucinate. And here I thought I have bad drug reactions. He's still having major breathing issues--partly sinus, partly Goddess knows what. They're giving him breathing treatments.  Needless to say he's in a lot of pain.

And I still feel like MiL is shoving me aside, albeit probably unintentionally--but this will have to be discussed between us when he's in better shape and much further along in his recovery.

Since he was supposed to be (in theory) discharged yesterday, and there's still no talk of it--I am scared. He doesn't seem to be making any progress. I have to wonder what's going on. And I can't count on MiL actually telling me anything because she prefers not to waste "her beautiful mind" on negative thoughts--even when they are realistic. I would have gone today if I could have but I've been having IBS crop up again. I MUST go tomorrow. I am half afraid the staff thinks I am a terrible wife and will listen to her, not me. Part of the problem was that Ben put the phone on silent mode between 1 am and 12pm--I FINALLY was able to turn that off (the tech manual is written in Japlish at its finest--that unholy literal translation from Japanese into English which made no sense at all. I experienced Japlish for the 7 years I lived in Japan. The classic example is "Dydo: to the last drop of delicious").  

So, yes, I cam quietly, calmly terrified and wish they'd tell me something. I think tonight calls for Valium. I need to sleep.

Thank all of you who've kept me afloat through all this. If I haven't answered a kosmail it's because I am just so bloody tired all the time. I am eating.  I force myself. When I am really stressed, I just don't feel hungry. Some people stress eat. I just don't want food. Thank Goddess for things you can microwave, If I had to actually cook...

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

  •  "Five Days Post-Surgery" (15+ / 0-)

    That's good news , imho .

    "please love deeply...openly and genuinely." A. M. H.

    by indycam on Sat Jan 25, 2014 at 07:55:46 PM PST

  •  (((irishwitch))))... (14+ / 0-)

    sending good thoughts and prayers your way and to your hubby for healing.

    I had a bad scare with my husband almost 4 years ago now. He ended up with stents and not the bypass, and I just about was incapacitated with fear. The docs at the hospital had to keep him an extra day because of clotting issues, but it all worked out.

    I'm glad to hear you are eating - it is important that you stay well.

    Again (((irishwitch))) - I wish I had more to give.

  •  I missed your update (10+ / 0-)

    yesterday, sorry.

    You and Ben have been in my thoughts, so I searched to see if you had posted any updates.

    Please know we are pulling for you and Ben.  Wish I could do more, but will send light and healing energy to you both.

    Many Hugs,
    SW

  •  Wisely pacing yourself - it will get better! (13+ / 0-)

    I'm so glad you are taking care of yourself and pacing yourself for the longer haul. Recovery will be something you work on together, and you are so wise to listen to your own need for rest now! (And food, even when you don't feel like eating.)

    He's through the most dangerous part now, with all the good will and prayers and kind thoughts from everyone here going with him all the way. So now the longer part begins. I have been there with both parents, son-in-law, and others, including myself, and I am impressed at your patience and persistence, even when you are worried about him, frustrated with MIL, and probably kinda tired yourself.

    I wish folks here could show up at your door, at just the right moment, with just what you were wishing for, like magic fairies. Hope instead it helps to know how many people take the time to say they care. But it's clear that SOME magic fairies visited you somewhere along the line and gave you two very special gifts to help you and your husband through this:  the toughness to stand up for your husband when he needs you to do that, and a great sense of humor to balance that.

  •  I know you are probably .... (9+ / 0-)

    ...not looking for advice but I live near Chicago and it is very cold here and I have my heat turned down real low since I can't really afford to have my heat on that much.  I live in a big condo so it doesn't get real cold anyway about 56 to58 ish.  I find an electric blanket under a sheet and another blanket very warming if you have one.

    When I had my surgery to remove part of my large intestine I had a similar experience with a pain killer.  I don't remember if it was Percocet or not, but I got panic attacks after 2 days on it.  And real bad paranoia.  It was rather awful.  They changed me to another pain killer but it didn't help much.  I react to painkillers in real odd ways.

    Oh well.  I really hope things get better for you soon.  Peace.

    We Glory in war, in the shedding of human blood. What fools we are.

    by delver rootnose on Sat Jan 25, 2014 at 09:30:09 PM PST

    •  On second thought ... (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      grover, ciganka, chimene, irishwitch

      ...I have to add the heating blanket thing might not be good for a post surgical person.  I'm no medical person so ask an expert.

      We Glory in war, in the shedding of human blood. What fools we are.

      by delver rootnose on Sat Jan 25, 2014 at 09:37:16 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Percocet is terrible. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      irishwitch

      IrishWitch should make her Husband's doctors give him plain oxycodone or hydrocodone. Plain kind, wthout aspirin, motrin, ibuprofin, acetaminophen, etc.

      There's a lot of these opiod drugs mixed with over the counter pain relievers and they're all awful! I had them all when I got hurt in 2000. Couldn't tolerate any of them because I have no gallbladder.

      Percocet (oxycodone and acetaminophen)

      Brought To You By That Crazed Sociologist/Media Fanatic rebel ga Be The Change You Want To See In The World! Gandhi

      by rebel ga on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 01:37:41 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I don't much care for Percocet (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        rebel ga

        Took it twice for mouth abcesses (the kind where you live on milkshakes and eggnog for two weeks because anything else feels like hot pokers are being stuck into the roof of youir mouth) and for sinus surgery (it took 4 times the norm and the ENT said she ws shocked i hadn't come down with serious infections or pneumonia from how bad it was) and also for a D&C.  It makes me spacy and only distances me from the pain. I prefer Vicodin because it actually DOES work on the pain, and, while I am still spacy, it's the good kind of spacy, not nauseated and unconscious.

        They changed his meds. The hallucinations weren't the fun ones like skiing in Strasbourg or going to thebeach at Plama de Majorca with two drop-dead gorgous SPanish women. I beleive they were flashbacks to the inicents that left him with PTSD.

        I cannot take macrodantin  because it gives me a fever and it makes me vomit and have a sick, migraine-quality head ache.

        The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

        by irishwitch on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 02:34:28 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  I couldn't take vicodin either. (0+ / 0-)

          My gallbladder was falling out at the time. The vicodin made my skin turn red and my body had a burning feeling.

          The only thing I could tolerate was the plain (again not with any other pain relievers) fentyl duragesic patch.

          dr gave me 25mg dose. At the time it didn't even look at my pain, never mind touch it.

          I asked the dr for a higher dose, (very naive about dr's back then) and next prescription it was knocking me out cold. I was sleeping 23 hrs a day with the worst; technicolor, 3D nightmares.

          dr had switched prescription to fentyl patch with ibprofin, motrin, something similar.

          I went to the library and researched these opioid pain meds. They're full of pharmaceutical salts and acids too. Bad stuff.

          It's the over the counter pain relievers with the opioid that cause the hallucinations. Night terrors is what there called. I finally had to stop taking the patch.

          I'm glad to hear the operation is over and that your husband is doing well. I'm praying for you both IrishWitch.

          I'm half Irish too. My Grandfather came from the mountains of Clare.

          Brought To You By That Crazed Sociologist/Media Fanatic rebel ga Be The Change You Want To See In The World! Gandhi

          by rebel ga on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 03:29:14 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

  •  I am glad to see an update! (9+ / 0-)

    I was thinking that maybe you were just  in the overwhelming first few post-discharge days.

    But I see your husband is still in hospital.  Frustrating when you were  expecting him to be home already, but in some ways if he stays as long as he needs to, then it will lighten the load on you when he does come home.  (It will still be a huge deal to cope with all the necessary diet, meds, activity, exercise, etc. changes at first, no matter how fast - or slow - he gets out.)  

    My husband was in cardiac intensive care for nearly three weeks because his situation was complicated and unstable. The whole time he was there, I was chomping at the bit to rescue him from their clutches, but in retrospect it was best that he stayed that long.

    We live in a very rural area so the trip to the hospital is an hour each way.  I went home twice every day to change clothes and feed the animals (this is a farm.) We don't have relatives or friends in the area and it was what had to be done, so I did it. Those long anxious trips were one of the most difficult things for me to cope with.  But at least I didn't have to travel w/ my MIL, who had died years before.

    At any rate one of the things I was thinking about your situation once your husband is discharged is in regard to the driving since you mentioned needing to go with your MIL.  Do you not drive, at all? If you don't, but your husband normally does, you may need to think about a workaround for some period because he may not be cleared for driving right away. I think it was at least 30 days for my husband, perhaps as long as six weeks.  

    And you will have lots of need for driving because of the 3-5 times/ week cardiac rehab, all the doctors appointments, clinics, lab visits etc.  In the earliest weeks some times we had as many 8 to 10 appointments per week.  It was nearly a full-time job accomplishing them. And if you normally use public transport you may find that too tiring, at first,  to use for all this running around. Get the discharge planners involved with helping to craft a solution if it's more than you can do on your own.

    At any rate, it's something you might want to ask your doctors or the discharge planners about, so you can make some plans.
    I think hospitals tend to leave all the much-needed  information about after-discharge care-giving too late in the process. It was all wait-and-we'll-tell-you and then suddenly one day it was this enormous avalanche of information about everything all in one giant dump.

    If you are offered post-discharge home nursing visits, I would recommend you take them up on that.  We are very private people and I was so bloody sick of the medical world by that time, that we turned them down. It worked out OK (no serious crisis w/o them) , but I think it would have been better to have had that back up. There were a few times when if I had had a a skilled other person to help me manage some of the medical issues that cropped up, it would have been helpful - and lowered the intense burden the post-hospital, home-care put on me

    Anyway, it wouldn't hurt to ask about driving restrictions (if any) so you have some time to make a plan for that part, at least.

    Wishing you some rest tonight and good news tomorrow.

    Araguato

    •  Very good advice. (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      notrouble, irishwitch, rserven

      Usually can't drive for 6 weeks, nor be in the seat with the airbag.

      Look into what we call Dial-a-Bus, which takes elders and others to the appointments and stores.  Volunteers drive.

      The social workers might have lists of helpful groups or agencies.  I agree with the notion of using Home Health, especially if he is having breathing problems.  Breathing problems or problems with alertness are primary reasons for staying longer, though 5 days isn't all that long.  It would be helpful to go to the hospital to find out what is going on, even if you need a Ride Share yourself.

      •  If they are helping agencies, they're (0+ / 0-)

        usually associated with a church. NOT a possiblity. WIth Dad, medicare didn't provide much other than  once a week visits from a PT.But that was Medicare and his Medigap insurance. We have only Tricare Prime. God knows what it covers.  I will bew damned sure I talk to the case manager-because LAST time, with Dad, I had 2 hours to decide on a rehab place--and one of them made the list of worst 57 nursing homes in the country. I think you have to intentionally workl at being that bad.

        The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

        by irishwitch on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 02:40:44 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Perhaps it is different here on the west coast. (0+ / 0-)

          There are people who help without having an agenda or church.  They are just nice, like people here.

          For Medicare cardiac surgery patients, Home Health nurses monitor meds and vital signs.  Not just PT.  Here the visits are three per week.  I hope you can investigate this help.  

          Also, sometimes it is easier for people to sleep in a recliner for the first several weeks, if you have one.  Prop the arms up on pillows for comfort.

          If you can stand to do it yourself, call the Tricare manager to get services.  Otherwise, the discharge planner in the hospital usually does this.  If you have a good relationship with a particular nurse, the nurse can help you get what you need from the discharge planner.  

        •  Also the Home Health nurses check the (0+ / 0-)

          anticoagulation at home or draw blood for tests at home so you don't have to drive in for these tasks.  The appointments can really tire out the patient.

    •  Normally Ben drives. (0+ / 0-)

      He is the WORST backseat drive so I refuse to drive iwth him.  ANd this is GA pulic transportatiopn is non-existent (it exists in theory, but it's like a NE city at all)> Don't know if there will be home sursing visits--or whether Tricare Prime will cover them. I am postponing thinking about the whopping c-pay we will likely face.

      The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

      by irishwitch on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 02:37:58 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Peace to you and yours, irishwitch. (8+ / 0-)

    Thank you for the update.

  •  ((((((Hugs)))) (6+ / 0-)

    You and Ben are in our thoughts

    Love,
    BK

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -Susan B. Anthony

    by BadKitties on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 12:18:25 AM PST

  •  (((((((((irishwitch))))))))) (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    bakeneko, TexMex, Ahianne, irishwitch

    hope a fairy god-person appears with non-MiL transportation, or something! take care of yourself!

    "real" work : a job where you wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom...

    by chimene on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 02:18:23 AM PST

  •  Best placed (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Ahianne, Laurel in CA, irishwitch

    I appreciate you are anxious to get Ben home but with the house at that temperature, hospital may be the best place. Even wrapped up warm in bed the cold air could delay his recovery. Concentrate on keeping one room up to about 70 all day rather than trying to heat the whole house - bet the cats invade whichever room you choose ;-)

    Keep safe and take care of yourself so you can charge your batteries in time for the big homecoming.

    We will work, we will play, we will laugh, we will live. We will not waste one moment, nor sacrifice one bit of our freedom, because of fear.

    by Lib Dem FoP on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 05:57:49 AM PST

  •  Hospitals on weekends (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Laurel in CA, irishwitch

    often nothing happens (including discharge planning) because they're way understaffed. Sorry to hear about the Percocet reaction which must be scary for him and for you. I hope Monday morning brings improvement and moving toward bring your dear Ben home to the kitties.

  •  Eating is important. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    wilderness voice, RunawayRose

    Especially in this cold weather. Even something like ramen noodles gets something hot into you and gives you some fuel to run on. Take care of yourself. I'm still praying.

    Cogito, ergo Democrata.

    by Ahianne on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 07:11:42 AM PST

  •  Síocháin a thabhairt duit agus do do theaghlach (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    irishwitch

    Be strong!

  •  Praying that things get a little easier for the (0+ / 0-)

    two of you; by now you deserve it.

    "He's having issues with Percocet; it not only knocks him but it makes him hallucinate. "

    It's funny, my BIL had the exact same reaction to it when he was recovering from his heart bypass. Not so much hallucinate but extremely vivid dreams that would rouse thru the night.  I sometimes wonder what good the painkillers really do.

    For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?'' ...

    by QuaintIrene on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 08:59:18 AM PST

  •  Japlish and kosmails (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    irishwitch
    (the tech manual is written in Japlish at its finest--that unholy literal translation from Japanese into English which made no sense at all. I experienced Japlish for the 7 years I lived in Japan. The classic example is "Dydo: to the last drop of delicious").  
    Or: "All your base are belong to us!" :-)
    Thank all of you who've kept me afloat through all this. If I haven't answered a kosmail it's because I am just so bloody tired all the time. I am eating.  I force myself. When I am really stressed, I just don't feel hungry. Some people stress eat. I just don't want food. Thank Goddess for things you can microwave, If I had to actually cook...
    Thank you for taking care of yourself!  The world needs you in it. Ben needs you. And we here on Daily Kos need you around, too.

    Love, Peace, and Health to both you and Ben!  :-)

    Sean

    Anarchism is anti-capitalist, and advocates egalitarianism, mutual aid, and reciprocity, and goes back centuries. -- DailyKos User ZhenRen

    by thanatokephaloides on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 10:38:11 AM PST

    •  I loved living in Japan. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      thanatokephaloides

      When I taught English at a Pre-K and kindergarten, the train went past a gyn with an 18 foot male mannequin on the roof. It wore a bright purple leotard, pink tights, and lavender leg warmers, and it was made clear that it was anatomically correct.  I smiled avery time I saw it, imagining Ah-nold in that outfit (pink is considered a sexy color, for both genders).

      And then there were the steam shovels and cranes and other heavy machinery--yup lavender and purple with hot pink racing stripes. I tried to imagine the Guts and Glory Dodge Ran Supersized truck men in the South dealing with that....

      The other good thing was nobody ever, ever, ever asked me my religion.  And I fell in love with the Kannon Temple in Asakusa (former  red light district where there geishas and brothels). You walked out of a bustling shopping arcade (everything from rubber Godzillas to tn grand worth of a single kimono) and it is silent and peaceful. ANd there are cats running all over the place, including the temple proper.

      The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

      by irishwitch on Sun Jan 26, 2014 at 02:50:44 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site