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Bruce held the ray gun in his left hand, hidden by the TV camera from his vantage point in the far corner. Press credentials proved easy to get with infidelity so rampant among Capitol staff. As Boehner blathered on at the podium, Bruce waited for the perfect question before giving the Speaker a large blast, good for a full two minutes of truth with zero recollection.

Finally it came from a blond Fox reporter, Erin B. Tweenthyiers. It was hard to call her an anchor when she was clearly such a lightweight.

"Why do you think President Obama lied when he said that everyone could keep their current healthcare plans?" she asked in a strident but bubbly voice.

Bruce found that the best truth bombs hit a few seconds after the targets start speaking, that way the premise they present is immediately undercut. Bruce let Boehner dangle plenty of rope over the tree limb before he pulled the trigger.

"When you try to sell a clunker, you say it's never been in a wreck whether that's right or not. Obama thought he could throw that one out there and nobody would call him on it," Boehner said with his look of superior indifference. Then an undetectable quick blast erased his practiced attitude.

"We couldn't be happier that Obamacare tripped coming out of the gate. Hell, we planned it that way," he continued. "When the Supreme Court ruled that some states could opt out of Obamacare, that was our ticket to crippling, forcing it to take on inquiries from half the nation rather than simply redirecting folks to each state's website. And Obama left the door open with his 'keep their existing healthcare' line because we knew that the cheap policies couldn't comply with the new laws to protect consumers. We knew he wasn't trying to lie; but he left us with lots of hairs we could split and make him look bad."

"Mr. Speaker, why is it important to you that Obamacare looked bad on the roll-out?" asked a woman near the back.

"We Republicans couldn't let Obamacare catch on, because people would realize how much money they'll save, and what's worse, that additional money will make the economy stronger. And everything Republicans have been doing for years is geared towards insuring that that can't happen. We can't let jobs come back from overseas. We can't fund infrastructure. A good economy is bad for Republicans. And it IS preventable; our strategy is foolproof."

"Mr. Speaker, what are your thoughts about the 1.6 million who lost their extended unemployment benefits just after Christmas?" someone asked from the second row.

"Let them eat bootstraps," Boehner said with a smirk. The truth ray effect wears off instantly, and the Speaker found himself facing more open mouths than the average choir conductor. Unaware of his period of extreme candor, he launched back into the forest of talking points he knew were always as good as an actual answer.

"Obamacare is going to cost millions of jobs. It's just that simple," he threw out over the crowd. Usually that's all Boehner needed to say. However not this time. The can of worms had been opened, and he was just getting his first whiff.

"But Mr. Speaker, you just said that Obamacare will put more money in people's pockets with their monthly savings in healthcare costs. Won't that will create more jobs?" Front row this time.

"Uh, perhaps in rare circumstances, you know, a few here and there," Boehner said, his mind reeling. How did he let that one slip out? There weren't talking points groomed for that angle. "You're not a mindreader, are you son?"

"Why is a good economy bad for Republicans?" Second row again, this time a few seats to the left.

Bruce saw his chance for another blast, this one of the short 20-second variety where the target does remember what he's just exposed.

"It will make Obama look good. The GOP needs despair across the boards, somewhere else to point the blame. For the uniformed, that blame will always go to the president. That's why we fill the airwaves with repetition of talking points not actual analysis. If people figured out that they're voting against their best interests then they'd -" and again the switch flipped in his head. Ever the consummate pro, Boehner covered his ass with a flag. "-they'd know just how honorable their sacrifices are. Freedom requires sacrifice. I see that every day in the faces of our brave soldiers."

Bruce could see the wheels whirling in Boehner's head. Beans were spilled all around him, and all he had were chopsticks.

"If the poor eat their bootstraps, then what will they pull themselves up with?" asked Erin for the benefit of her perplexed Fox viewers.

"Okay, that's all the time I have on this topic. Does anybody have any questions about Benghazi? And who spiked my Merlot?"

Originally posted to ProgToddNorCal on Tue Feb 11, 2014 at 01:11 AM PST.

Also republished by Community Spotlight.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (19+ / 0-)

    Winner of the American Dream Scholarship by Democracy for America and Rebuild the Dream for the concept of miniprotesting. This unique approach to curbside activism is fleshed out at

    by ProgToddNorCal on Tue Feb 11, 2014 at 01:11:01 AM PST

  •  Video (0+ / 0-)

    Is this a real Press session?

    If it is, is there a video? When was it?

    If not, it is a delightful and mind opening well written fiction. So well written because the actions for the past 5 or so years, including the first inaugural meeting actually are brazenly in line with this.

    I hope it is real, it is what our society needs to go viral!

  •  Any One Out Here? (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    Can produce this as one of those Results ARE Reality Productions

    Could be a helpful and beautiful Vimeo and youtube, wouldnt it?

    Might do our world a world of good!

  •  Someone needs to produce a short video version (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    FloridaSNMOM, Mayfly, Lashe

    of this and run it as a campsign ad.

    And lack of available money? If a 3 year- old iPad with Flappy Bird on it can sell on eBay for $5,000, then someone out there with higher priorities should be able to bankroll the project.

    •  I wrote this as a parody (5+ / 0-)

      Along with other more serious posts I put on this blog, I like to throw in a little humor when it can serve as a vehicle for understanding the lizard-brain Republican mindset that people like Cheney, Rove, the Koch brothers, and Roger Ailes cling to in desperation to preserve their CORPservative power despite growing populist awakenings.

      I originally thought of this as a possible video made through, but I couldn't wait that long. I had to finish it while it was fresh in my head. But that's where it may one day end up as a more obvious parody.

      Other animated offerings are already in the works, with faux interviews by Erin B. Tweenthyiers and Avent Gotaclue on behalf of Pox News. Stay tuned.

      Further episodes of Bruce Gray and his Truth Ray will see him point his career-endangering weapon at Mitch McConnell, David Koch, Roger Ailes, Ted Cruz, and Glenn Beck. Rush Limbaugh would be harder, because nobody believes he could ever be coaxed into public view, and his broadcast compound probably resembles Fort Knox.

      Who else would you like Bruce to point it at? Eric Holder? Chief Justice Roberts? Please let me know here.

      Winner of the American Dream Scholarship by Democracy for America and Rebuild the Dream for the concept of miniprotesting. This unique approach to curbside activism is fleshed out at

      by ProgToddNorCal on Tue Feb 11, 2014 at 07:57:07 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  A couple ideas come to min d... (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        alice kleeman, tekno2600

        Reince Priebus (no wonder he's a neocon stooge: what sadistic parent would give a kid a name like that? They might as well have named him "Sue".)

        As far as Limbaugh goes... how about the alcoholic ghost of Joe McCarthy interviewing him through a seance? Or treating Limbaugh like Max Headroom where he's just an electronic extension of Roger Ailes' brain stem, being interviewed by Whoopsie Goldberger?

        I dunno- I could go on and on with this, but I have to get back to work. Thanks for responding!

        •  And "Reince" is his MIDDLE name! (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          JeffW, tekno2600
          Reince Priebus (no wonder he's a neocon stooge: what sadistic parent would give a kid a name like that? They might as well have named him "Sue".)
          He evidently thinks his given first name is even worse!

          "My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right." -- Sen Carl Schurz 1872

          by Calamity Jean on Tue Feb 11, 2014 at 01:21:58 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

      •  Wonderful story! (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        I can't wait for the next episode.

  •  Jaime Dimon (0+ / 0-)

    Chris Christie
    Rand Paul

    Hmmm ted the cruz mind

    oh man! There are just Sooooo Many!

    Mika from the morning Scar Intrusion

    More to come :)

    oh I look forward to those if you will please let us know when the animateds and videos are available!

    And of course will watch for more of your diaries!

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