and got bored with it. Frankly, the whole good guy/bad guy gun scenario played out far too quickly and predictably to make for decent fantasy material, so I went back to my old standbys of hot lava and quicksand. It's not something I'm proud of, or made some sort of big philosophical decision about, it's just the way it happened.
I never really gave much thought to my old gunfight fantasies until I heard Wayne La Pierre's "Good Guy/Bad Guy" speech after Newtown and thought "My God, he's talking to me... when I was eight years old!" Once I got back in touch with my inner-child, he started to make sense.
That's when I realized that practically any argument you can make for "good guys with guns" can be logically extended to "good kids with guns" and thought up the following political advertisement: (and yes, kidsnationalrifleassociation.com is still available!)
Wayne LaPierre: The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun...
Announcer: OR..... A good KID with a gun!
Boy (aiming pistol at camera): "Not so fast there buddy!"
Announcer: Hey kids, we don't need to tell you it's a dangerous world out there. One moment you're walking home from school when all of the sudden... you're right in the middle of a kidnapping, or a great big bank robbery! What will you do? That's why now, more than ever, it's important for you to have a gun and know how to use it properly!
(Family piles out of car at mall parking lot. Scary Man with knife grabs mom and says:) "I'm stealing your car and using it to buy drugs!"
Mom screams as man grabs keys and starts to drive off.
Daughter (pointing): "Fluffy's still inside!" (shot of puppy plaintively looking through car window.)
Mom: "What will we do?!"
Boy (pulling gun:) "Don't worry mom. I got this. (levels pistol and takes aim...) Time to take out the trash..." (He fires. Car swerves and stops. Scary Man steps out, says "Ya got me..." and falls.)
Mom: "Oh Billy! Now I love you more than ever!" (Gives boy a big hug.)
Boy (smiling): "Awww Maa..."
(Cut to little girl in playground. Scary Man grabs her and starts to run.
Boy in sandbox pulls pistol from out of the sand:) "Not on my watch!" (He fires. Scary man falls.)
Little Girl: "Oh Billy! You're the Greatest!"
(Close up of Newspaper headline: "Boy With Gun Saves Day!" Pull back to reveal Dad, in easychair with pipe and slippers:) "Son... I'm proud of you."
Announcer: Here at the KNRA we believe there's a hero inside all of us, no matter how young or how old we are. That's why we're fighting for your right to carry a gun to school, from school, at the mall or wherever you go. And parents, how will you feel the next time a robbery, kidnapping or terrorist attack takes place right in front of your little hero, but he doesn't have the firepower to stop it?
Stop.
Think.
And Remember...
A man never stands so tall as when he stoops to arm a child.
This message brought to you from the Kids National Rifle Association.