Since I just lost my shitty job for failing a urine test (they wanted accuracy, I went for distance) I find myself available for general douchebaggery on behalf of any shadowy governmental agencies with checkbooks. Just send me what you want Posted along with a suitably-sized check (or cheque) and I'll get right on it.
Also, not to be exclusionary, if the Koch boys need another anti-climate-change troll, I have some spare time on my hands, hit me up...
Of course, since none of these entities can cuss worth a shit it will be immediately obvious to anyone who has ever read anything I've written (all three of you, I know who you are) when I'm "working", so just ignore my whoring.