In New York, we have just begun to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. The traditional pub crawl has grown to include the weekend that precedes the actual day. There was a time when St. Patrick's Day was observed by simply going to church. I've heard tell that it was Americans who've turned it into the drinking binge we know and love today. If that is indeed the case, then I have a theory that it was stolen from us, the Jews.
There is a scene in the movie "The Devil's Own" where Harrison Ford (An Irish-American Cop) takes Brad Pit (a Northern Irish terrorist) into his home. They welcome him with corned beef and cabbage. Pitt looks at the corned beef and asks, "What's that?" They don't eat corned beef in Ireland. Irish Americans stole the idea from Jewish butchers.
What's that got to do with drinking on St. Patrick's Day? I've cleverly hidden the answer blow the fold.
The day before St. Patrick's Day is Purim. Well, it is this year. Since Purim is a Jewish holiday, and we stubbornly cling to our own calendar, it moves around. However, it is usually close to St. Pat's. On Purim, you are supposed to drink. A lot. You are supposed to drink until you cannot distinguish between the phrases "Cursed is Haman (boo hiss)" and "Blessed is Mordecai." They sound nothing alike, so you've got to be facedown on the bar blotto before confusing the two.
Haman (boo hiss) is the villain and Mordecai is the hero. Although, Esther risked her life to save the Jewish people and the book is named after her, so she should be considered the heroine, but it's a man's world. In fact, it could be argued that Haman (boo, hiss) might never have decided to kill the Jews had it not been for Mordecai. I'll explain. I'll also explain the (boo, hiss).
Haman (boo, hiss) had a high opinion of himself. He was also the King's most trusted adviser. He wanted all the people (except the king, of course) to bow down to him. One day, while walking through the streets, he noticed one man not bowing down and asked who it was. The answer was Mordecai, the Jew. Now I ask, was that necessary? The Jew? Really? As opposed to Mordecai the Mexican, or Mordecai the Swede, or Mordecai the butcher? His name is Mordecai, I'd think the Jew part is implied.
One day the king, Achashverus, is having trouble sleeping so he has someone read old news stories to him. One of these items was about how Mordecai discovered a plot to kill the king. The king asked if he was ever rewarded, and was told that he had not been. The king calls for Haman (boo, hiss), and asks how he should honor someone. Haman (boo, hiss), thinking it is going to be him, tells the king to dress this person in his finest clothes, seat him on his finest horse, and parade him around the city proclaiming that this is how the king honors someone worthy of honor. The king says, "Great idea! Go find this Mordecai the Jew and do that."
Haman (boo, hiss) decides he's going to pass a law to kill all the Jews, which is something the Arizona Legislature might do. This is where the name of the holiday comes in. Purim is Hebrew for "lots" as in a lottery. He put the dates in a hat and picked one. Wouldn't that have been a fun office pool? He then asked the king for his ring so that he could seal the law.
Neither the King, nor Haman (boo, hiss) knew that the queen, Esther, was Jewish. They just thought she was pork intolerant. She also happened to be Mordecai's niece. Uncle Morty found out about this new law and told her about it. Here, though is a problem. There was a law that the queen could not go before the king without his calling for her. It was, in fact how Esther got the job in the first place. The previous queen went uninvited and lost her head for it.
Since time was of the essence she fasted for three days and then took her chances by going before the king. He accepts her (it is his right to do so). Then he asks why she would chance her life? She said she wanted to invite him to dinner, oh and bring Haman (boo, hiss). After the meal, the king asked why she had prepared such a wonderful feast and Esther said because she loves her king, and oh, BTW, Haman (boo, hiss) wants to kill me.
Upon learning of the law to kill Jews, he passed a knew law that said that anyone trying to kill Jews could be killed by Jews. Apparently, the only thing that can be repealed is Obamacare. We hung Haman (boo, hiss) and his family by his own gallows. We're Jews, and didn't want to spring for new ones.
We also hold grudges. That's what the boo, hiss is about. As we read the Book of Esther, every time the name comes up we boo and hiss, and we make noise with a grogger which is what we call this noisemaking thing. Its sole purpose in life is to make this nasty sound like a combination of nails on a chalkboard and baseball cards in the spokes. It annoys the hell out of my dog.
This is pure spite. The man is dead. He died some 2500 years ago. He's so dead that even his dust is dust. But every year we still do this. Now, you might think that he's in hell and this just adds to his torment, and maybe he is and maybe it does. The problem with that theory, though, is that we don't believe in hell.
Happy Purim everybody! Happy St. Patrick's Day! Now Drink!