While exploring a particularly noisesome miasma in the Florida backcountry I came across a curious object whose angles, curves, and even colors defy my attempts to describe them. Instead, merely regarding the object filled me with a profound sense of unease. Even worse were the strange symbols on the numberless surfaces.
The object has been sent to experts on irrational physics at Miskatonic University as well as certain scholars of hyperboreal geology whose location is a closely kept secret. The best guess of the scholars it that is was washed ashore during a hurricane in the 19th century. By using special mathematics that violate Newtonian, Relativistic, and Quantum based physics simultaneously as well as extra dimensional chemistry they were able to discover that the object appears to be a sort of journal. The first entry in the journal has been translated although at the cost of the sanity of three postdocs and five graduate students.
Read it below, IF YOU DARE!
The narrative begins.
As all time and space are illusions caused by the inferior sensory structures of the hairless apes the idea of dating the entries in this document fills me with a terrible laughter that has caused the abandonment of several coastal villages. But just for the heck of it lets call this April 1, very large irrational number of years ago in the past.
I awoke briefly in the ebon and chill depths of R'lyeh. I gave some apes passing in a wooden object of unseemly regular proportions the great honor of being ingested. Feeling a pain of nostalgia I reached my mind into the vast void of space to find any traces of my kindred. Only a faint echo of the truly loathsome insanity of Azathoth came to the terrible attention of my innumerable and incomprehensible senses. This cheered me a bit although a vague sense of unease lingered in the inchoate background of my mind. Was the universe gradually becoming more rational and less remorselessly inhospitable to lesser beings? Perhaps some vile galactic logicization process induced by the pitiful computational devices of the apes?
Turning my attention closer to home (not that space has any meaning to a being such as myself) I noticed a few shoggoths vilely sliding their amorphous bodies through the sunken streets. I detected that one of them was calling. The usually noxious wail of tekeli-li had a more disgustingly liquid tone than normal. Perhaps an interesting geographic variant I thought as I casually crushed the foul amoebae out of existence.
The primordial depths had a different feel than when I was last awake, a slight acidity that caressed my hideous tentacles. The wooden conveyance of the apes had left a slight after taste of chthonic carbon in the unspeakable aperture that might be vaguely described as my mouth. The flavor reminded me of certain primordial swamps grown horribly lush with giant suggestive club mosses. I began to laugh, a deep indescribable sound similar to a leopard frog having a bad night in the swamp. The apes had started in motion forces that would transform this pitiful sphere. Any thoughts of rising from the deep and laying waste to their civilization were laid to rest as I settled back to the foully glutinous silt of my bed. When next I awoke the apes would have done their work for me and transformed this planet into something more closely resembling its original state.
Before I closed my 'eyes' I remembered it was April. Perhaps the Trilliums were blooming in hills around Dunwich. My ichthyomorph slaves in Innsmouth were sent to check it out. A vague sense of sorrow at the possible demise of the trilliums was quickly dispelled by the sight of a giant cephalopod rending the carcass of one of the shoggoths. I went to take a picture but then remembered that digital cameras were still in the future of this pitifully bound to conventions of space and time race of noxiously anthropoid beings.
The narrative ends at this point.