"I don't know what the hell I'm talking about most of the time but I don't let my lack of knowledge affect my confidence in convincing you."
Neil deGrasse Tyson
"Wheelchairs look boring as fuck. Turn that shit into a mini chariot. Put some spikes on the wheels. Raise a war flag. You are a warrior."
"Cutting people's welfare benefits, "relieves them of govt. dependence," the same way drowning them, "relieves them of oxygen dependence."
"Want to feel old? It’s now ok for you to masturbate to people born in 1996."
"We're all mutts, the sooner everyone can accept that the sooner ignorant hate will fade from our collective conscious."
"You should see the other guy. He has lovely brown eyes and he hates being tickled."
"For some reason people are concerned about a lost airplane but not an individual lost sense of self in society."
"I'd prefer the Supreme Court focus on making damn sure my tax dollars aren't going to pay for Chuck E. Cheese's boner pills."