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Virginia state SenatorCreigh Deeds had a great son who started having mental problems. He took his son to the hospital,but there were no beds. The next morning,his son stabbed him and then killed himself.

Nancy Lanza was a mom having dinner with a friend saying her autistic son was doing fine. The next morning, her son Adam,put 4 bullets in her head. He then went to a school named Sandy Hook and murdered over 25 children and adults. Adam died there.

I wrote a diary twice about my

Son. He was violent and I am still warning folks as he is now wandering the streets of Seattle in search of drugs.

I failed to talk about my younger son with diabetes. He lives with me and has a history
of letting his blood sugar level drop to below 30. A normal blood sugar level is between
80 and 120.

Once while having a low blood sugar episode,he grabbed a knive and tried to kill his Mother. I took the knive away and drug him to his bedroom and was trying to give him
a shot to bring him back to reality. It was tough,because he was pounding his fists
on my head. I still remember looking at the door and seeing a huge police officer
standing there. I urged him to wait a second because I was getting pounded on. The
officer replied,"no problem I am the poundee!' I left the room and three police took

Two days ago, A similar situation happened. The police asked why my 31 year old
son was even living with me. I can"t throw out a type 1 diabetic and make him homeless,I said. "Why not?they asked,It"s his choice.

The plan now is for me to head to court and have him evicted and not allow him within
500 feet of my house. I have done nothing but enable my son not to deal with his

If you have an mentally ill adult loved one living with you,your at risk. I am speaking
GENERALLY about certain kinds of Mental illness. Ask your doctor for that list.

Don"t do what I have done. I allowed my son to drive his mother out of the house and
put myself in danger.

Look under the fold.

Learn from my mistakes.If your adult loved one is ill and the doctor says he "could"be
violent,evict that person. Martin Luther King once said,"time is neutral." Time by itself,cures nothing.
Your good intentions could get you hurt or killed. Sometimes even the doctor can"t
for sure say violence may happen. Listen to your instincts.If ANY violence happens,
evict the person.

I have lost both of my sons and my wife. I feel a book is in me to tell how a happy family
turned out so ugly.

You will think I am writing fiction when I tell the story about my family,if only I was.

1:31 PM PT: Thank you folks for "improving" this diary. I promise to learn how you guys
do this type thing.

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Comment Preferences

  •  We Had A Patient Try To Use A Seizure Disorder.... (19+ / 0-)

    as an excuse when he attacked 6 nurses one by one on a medical floor.  The nurses were found in a pile as he was attempting to choke one.  A number of them were semi conscious.  He was pulled off w/ a wrestling hold by one of the male supervisors.

    He said he had a seizure & wasn't responsible for his behavior.  No.  After having a seizure, there is often a post ictal stage or recovery stage.  You are in no condition to beat up, choke & attack six nurses.  

    You've got to refer your son out.  Low blood sugar is one thing, but pulling knives & threatening family members is
    beyond tolerance.  Good luck.  He's old enough at 31 to start taking some responsibility for his own medical status & treatment.

    This will be a difficult transition, but you deserve some peace & rest, Vet63.  Enough.  

    •  snapples (18+ / 0-)

      Thanks for your kind words. I have mental issues of my own.and I have been told dealing with two disabled sons
      could be part of whats going on.
      Thanks again,

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 11:49:21 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  probably (14+ / 0-)

        the stress of dealing with them isn't helping. They're old enough that you can't control them, and you shouldn't beat yourself up over their bad choices.

        (Is it time for the pitchforks and torches yet?)

        by PJEvans on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 11:53:32 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  Vet63 (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Joy of Fishes, Vatexia, tobendaro, Vet63

        I know that it is difficult to tell one's child that they  have to leave. I was in a position once where I had to tell my daughter she wasn't welcome in my home. I had to do it for both of us.

        Vet63, I would like to say to you that your care is most important right now. Your son is 31 and if he chooses to stuff fudge into his ears, that is his deal. However, you've been subjected to an unusual amount of personal stress and this is no doubt exacerbating your mental health issues.

        I hope you are seeing a mental health professional? If not, find someone and let them help you. I saw a psychologist first for an evaluation and then a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I am bipolar2. I am depressed. The psychiatrist prescribed Lamictal and Buspar and my moods are stabilized now. I am in a very low income bracket and these services were made available to me on a sliding scale.

        Remember, get help for you right away. You cannot help anyone else if you're not being helped with your issues.

        "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. " Say this to yourself several times daily. It keeps me going. :) Pat

        If I wasn't Bob Dylan, I'd probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself. Bob Dylan

        by weezilgirl on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 01:49:38 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  weezilgirl (0+ / 0-)

          What a powerful message! You show such strength!
          I am not looking forward to sitting,watching the police
          escort him out.
          I take a few mental health drugs,but not as many as I used to. I run (fast walk) 2 or 3 hours a day. I hate the fast walk
          part but I fell,broke my arm and smashed my knee. I am healing,and hope to be running hard soon. I think exercise
          is the best "pill" in the world.
          I love your quote. I wish you magic this year,

          Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

          by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 06:15:49 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

      •  It didn't help (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        my depression - I ended up on SSDI.

        It took a long time and a lot of support for me to decide I could not have my son in my house, and it was not easy to hold to that - eventually decided that a court commitment and restraining order were necessary for both of us.

        I remember one cold night when he was stranded here (I live outside the city, without public transportation). I put a number of blankets and quilts in the carport for him. But I don't know if I could have kept to it all night. Luckily, I let him make a phone call to a mental health place (through the iron bars of the patio door. I drove him to the nearest hospital for a medical screening, and he spent the night warm.

        I have reached a point where I can say to him that, while living here might be good for him, it's not good for me, and I have to take care of myself.

        It's not easy. All the best.

        Being attentive to the needs of others might not be the point of life, but it is the work of life. It can be ... almost impossibly difficult. But it is not something we give. It is what we get in exchange for having to die. - Jonathan Safran Foer

        by ramara on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 06:58:16 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  don't beat yourself up--there are so many (14+ / 0-)

    fathers like you.  My father enabled my bipolar brother, getting him out of a good institution which he landed in after he threatened to kill me (my parents and brother were living with me).  My brother got out on condition that he leave the State.  My father and mother relocated with him, and not long after he beat my father almost to death--THEN you bet your @$$ my father saw that he was committed.  Later, he was put in an apartment and was fine there until someone burned the place down.  He took off and he ended up homeless, wandering the U.S., being "greyhounded" after being arrested for yelling at people.  Finally, he was institutionalized again in Denver, and is still there as far as I know.  This is an extremely stripped-down version, to let you know that you are not alone.  I am my other brothers have tried to help him.  My parents have passed on now.  It really is his choice--he chose to take a lot of illegal drugs, etc, and dragged everybody down with him.

  •  I will say I had a friend who when he did not (8+ / 0-)

    monitor his diabetes would go into a zombie state and get violent and not know what he was doing. Stating that, if he had properly maintained his insulin those experiences would not have happen. He would also be alive today.

    At some point everyone needs to recognize choices and decide. Everyone is the person with the imbalance, family, friends. One sibling calls me for money and I tell him he can figure out how to earn what he needs. I have convinced another sibling that she was enabling him, and as she no longer has anything of value left in her house, she finally accepted this. He has chosen alcohol, crack, heroin, whatever, and to not take prescriptions. He's is clean currently, and seems to be supporting himself somewhat. This has been going on for over forty years. I am allowing myself some hope that he's doing better this time. I will not allow him to talk me into enabling him.

    I'm sorry someone you love deeply is giving you mental anguish. May you find some peace.

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Mohandas Gandhi

    by cv lurking gf on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 12:26:10 PM PDT

    •  cv lurking gf (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      cv lurking gf

      You have to be related to me. You have written my story
      better than me. I am sorry for the stress you have been caused. I am working on acceptance of what has happened.
      Be well,

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 06:34:26 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Mike, I hope life is softly bright for you. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        Life happens. Crashing Vor has taught me much about listening, acceptance, and love. My siblings and I are coming to some type of understanding. Others have been through worse and I know some of my siblings have mastered events that few survive, only to crumple after. Fortunately, all are still here so we have a chance to continue resolving our pasts and love each other again. I hope your experiences are reversible, that the best can overcome the negative.

        Peace - naomi

        "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Mohandas Gandhi

        by cv lurking gf on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 08:07:01 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  Oldest son was kicked out about a year ago now (8+ / 0-)

    after I caught him stealing from me once again.  His sister had issues but it appears she has reached a plateau where she is functional.  Meantime my son continues to deny he has a problem when he has repeatedly built trash fires under the eaves of the house, has taken money given to him for diapers for his son and bought beer, has stolen vehicles and equipment and sold it to a crusher.  The list goes on and on and at this point, he is not going to change because he likes the way he is.

    He also fights with his younger brother though he has not tried me yet.  He also fought with his sister until her husband interceded.  The question remain as to where I went wrong with him.  Even as early as the ninth grade, we knew there were problems when he failed every subject and was in a fight where he beat another boy into the ground.  We placed him in a residential setting then but he is 27 years old now and the system offers no answers we have not tried before  

    •  Maybe you didn't go wrong with him. (4+ / 0-)

      If a child develops a physical condition/disease/disorder, it is openly treated and there are protocols to follow in that treatment. There are clear diagnostic markers to diagnosing that condition.

      Teachers, for example, know which children are going to become delinquent but they are constrained from acting on this knowledge.

      Where is the treatment for these disorders?  If they were identified early in childhood, interventions could be done then.

      You did your best within the existing systems.

    •  Have you called law enforcement? (0+ / 0-)

      Your son is breaking the law every time he commits any act of violence.

      You didn't go wrong with your child. You did the best you could then.

      Please take care. Do not fight with him. Call the police.

      If I wasn't Bob Dylan, I'd probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself. Bob Dylan

      by weezilgirl on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 03:24:59 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Trust me, (0+ / 0-)

      no matter what you would have tried or done successful intervention, treatment or results would not have been likely.  I begged people to help my son while he was in school.  As young as 7 he was in counseling.  Mostly I got "He will be fine, you worry too much".  Once he turned 14 I had no ability to insist on treatment or medication.  He is not ok as he has schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia or any number of other disorders.  I begged for help and intervention and did not get it.  The system is not working.  The parent can do very little.  You did not cause mental illness no matter what anyone says.  You did not cause criminality or bad choices.  Each person has free will and decides for themselves what they are going to do.  We all teach our kids right from wrong and try to instill ability to choose wisely.  It just doesn't work with a kid with mental illness.

      Everyone! Arms akimbo! 68351

      by tobendaro on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 05:45:55 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  entlord (0+ / 0-)

      You and I could be family. I was told I was to nice to be a dad. I had a wife who was a homemaker,and I had a 4 state sales territory. Even while home, I had a boss who would talk for hours on accounts.
      I would just give my sons things, I should have set structure. My ex has said how they grew up is my fault.
      The fact that she never worked,does not matter.
      Now she is into the Lord.
      Take care,

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 06:47:41 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  A very wise woman once told me to take a good (5+ / 0-)

    look at myself: "Nothing you are doing is helping, and just look at what all of your desperation to help is doing to you."

    It took me a long time, but I finally listened, and now I have my life back, and all in one piece too.

    Oddly enuf, the loved one with the most serious mental illness is the one who is doing very well (within the constraints of the illness.)

    But, there again, that wasn't up to me, it was up to him. He chose to take advantage of the help that was offered, and still does his part.

    I give him my full support. The others I had to cut loose. They will only drag me down with them. There is plenty of good help available for them, they just won't make the effort to access that help.

    You and your sons are in my thots and prayers, vet. But mostly, I hope that you will be able to find some peace for yourself. If you can't help your sons, there are other people out there that you can help. And that's another thing that that wise woman told me.

    Only wish I had listened sooner, but better late than never.

    God spare me the Heart to fight them... I'll fight the Pirates forever. -Mother Jones

    by JayRaye on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 01:42:14 PM PDT

    •  JayRaye (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      You are a great writer and I am blessed to know you.
      I am sorry about your past issues.My friends are convinced
      I wont throw my son out. I have to,I know.
      How do you folks underline and make words different colors?
      I have read the how to posts offered,but I cant seem to
      make stuff like that and picture placement work.
      Maybe I need another browser, I use Google most of the time.
      I  make no claims to be smart but I must be an idiot.
      Just venting,

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 06:55:17 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  No you're not an idiot. (0+ / 0-)

        You are only lacking a few skills which can be learned.

        Everything I needed to know about diary writing here at DailyKos was taught to me be the New Diarist group.

        I think it's great that you're joining the group.

        Thank you for the kind words.

        God spare me the Heart to fight them... I'll fight the Pirates forever. -Mother Jones

        by JayRaye on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 08:19:05 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  I am sorry about your family's tragedy (6+ / 0-)

    The larger problem is that families are pretty much thrown to the wolves and must cope without real knowledge or any help in the face of ongoing tragedy.  

    People who need treatment suffer many hells.  

    If we were a smarter society we would have done better at applying our knowledge long ago.  

    Here is a link to the Treatment Advocacy Center, an organization founded by a psychiatrist who saw that there was a great need to change the way we set our institutional responses up to deal with mental illness - or don't.

    Through this group, you might get in touch with others who share the same issues.  

    hope that the idiots who have no constructive and creative solutions but only look to tear down will not win the day.

    by Stuart Heady on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 01:54:06 PM PDT

    •  Stuart Heady (0+ / 0-)

      Thank you so much! I will use them. Washington State needs to give parents with adult sons like mine,an easier
      path to get treatment even when the man-child does not
      want it.
      Thanks again,

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 06:58:47 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Mentally ill less likely to be violent than other (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    tobendaro, Vet63

    groups and are more likely to be victims of violence. Most people with these kinds of brain disorders don't have anyone except family who care but they have no legal  rights to help. The stigma is immense and even when the anti-psychotics are working they are so expensive that they are unaffordable by any one who is trying to work instead of being declared disabled. Until the laws are changed so families can help before it's nearly too late these problems will continue.

    Life is just a bowl of Cherries, that stain your hands and clothes and have pits that break your teeth.

    by OHdog on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 02:20:31 PM PDT

    •  Good point about the anti-psychotic meds (0+ / 0-)

      Something else to take into account is the fact that it is very hard to keep the patient on the meds. I had a friend who in 10 years had to be hospitalized  4 times due to her quitting the meds and have severe psychotic episodes.

      We have a great need for better and more mental health professionals.

      If I wasn't Bob Dylan, I'd probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself. Bob Dylan

      by weezilgirl on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 03:28:25 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Ohdog (0+ / 0-)

      AMEN to everything you have just written,

      Social activist, nutrition and exercise advice,long distance runner, Writer.

      by Vet63 on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 07:00:53 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Mentally Ill May Be Predators Or Victims (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Vet63, grover

    There wouldn't be much bias against the mentally ill if it weren't for the predatory and sadistic behavior described here.  But the non-predatory  mentally ill are often victimized by other mentally people. And the predators are pretty much always doing the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing song and dance and playing the victim for all it's worth.

    Men are so necessarily mad, that not to be mad would amount to another form of madness. -Pascal

    by bernardpliers on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 04:50:08 PM PDT

  •  You have to save yourself. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    It is not wise to go down with the ship when you can do nothing to help the floundering.  When you are strong and capable you can be a rock to which he can tether himself if he chooses. If you are a reed he will bend you as he wants.  He may respond to strength and serenity so get yourself strong.  The current actions aren't getting you anywhere.

    Everyone! Arms akimbo! 68351

    by tobendaro on Sun Apr 06, 2014 at 05:51:32 PM PDT

  •  sorry about your family and (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    I understand why you think many mentally ill people are violent, since it's been your vast experience. You said "If you have an mentally ill adult loved one living with you,your at risk..."  I get you are speaking generally about certain kind of mental illness...but it still feels like an inadvertent slur towards those who are mentally ill and something that perpetuates false stereotypes. Maybe it would be good to know that most mentally ill people are not violent. Perhaps they had certain specific diagnoses and symptoms that made them more dangerous, but all we see here is that anyone living with an adult with mental illness is in danger. That is what you say.

    I also understand why people are then bringing up stories of their own violent and/or irresponsible mentally ill relatives and patients. You situation is difficult and I'm glad others here have been in or heard of similar issues. It's nice that you support the diarist with your similar stories.

    However the diary and most of the comments leave unsaid the fact that most mentally ill people are not violent. Maybe if you or have been effected by those who are violent, that is hard to see or believe. Many people you walk past or interact with every day have a mental illness-you just don't realize it because they don't stick out with constant bizarre behavior or violence.I have cousins with mental illness who live with parents and there is no danger, they are not violent at all.

    Studies show that the mentally ill are much more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators More truthful would be to talked about the "violently mentally ill".

    Already the mentally ill are misunderstood and mistreated by law enforcement at a high rate, not great to perpetuate stereotypes that support that.

    Your son was violent and mentally ill. Or violently mentally ill. My loved ones are mentally ill but not violent. I know many mentally ill people and none as far as I know are violent.

    I am sorry for your losses and your pain at losing your son(s),too. I just want you to understand that the main problem is that both of them are violent. They could have been mentally ill and not violent, but that is not the case for them and their specific issues. But by all means, if a physician or healthcare worker familiar with them warns you that they are or could be violent, don't dismiss that advice!
    thanks for bearing with me.

    •  Thanks for setting the record straight (0+ / 0-)

      This clarification about violence was needed.

      “Industry does everything they can and gets away with it almost all the time, whether it’s the coal industry, not the subject of this hearing, or water or whatever. They will cut corners, and they will get away with it. " Sen. Jay Rockefeller, D, WVa

      by FishOutofWater on Sun Apr 13, 2014 at 06:51:39 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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