When I first read about John David LaDue and his plans to kill his parents and blow up his school in Waseca, MN, and how he was caught by an alert young woman at the storage facility where he had rented a unit (what 17 year old rents a storage unit?), I thought, great, another weird kid with psych problems or who got bullied and snapped, or something like that, but there were a few other things about the story that caught my eye and REALLY made me wonder.
http://www.cbsnews.com/...
First of all, this kid had his own gun safe in HIS OWN ROOM. Did his parents know that? Did they approve of it, or maybe even purchase it for him? Did they buy the guns that filled it, or how did he purchase them? Did they even know he had those weapons? Secondly, about that storage unit. Where did he get the money to rent it? Did the people who rented it to him know how old he was? Somebody had to know him. Doesn't anyone require ID to rent one of these things? And it's a small town (pop. 9,410 according to the latest census info)…but nobody told his parents?
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I raised a few teenagers….three of my own, and a few that belonged to other people who occasionally, for one reason or another, sheltered in our house. I was pretty far from a helicopter parent (for which they all say "Thank you, God!") but I knew for the most part what was up with them. I had to go in their rooms once in awhile to deliver laundry, mail, books, and various other belongings they managed to leave around the house, yard, or in my car. I didn't snoop while I was in there, but I did look around. And I learned one valuable thing, which was to be ready to listen whenever they wanted to talk….even if it was midnight, which it sometimes, in fact more often than not, was.
So where were this kid's parents? Did they never go into his room? Did they not talk to him or listen to him? Were they too wrapped up in their own affairs or too busy with their own lives to pay attention to him? Was there another child in the family who took up a lot of time? Was he just quiet and so got ignored? Or were they, perhaps, like Nancy Lanza, afraid of their child and didn't know what to do with him? From the few reports that have leaked out since his arrest, this last does not appear likely, but there is always that possibility. Thus far, it seems to be more of a classic case of parental detachment.
Recently, when my significant other was out of town for a spell, I had dinner by myself at a favorite local Thai place. I was seated at a table near a family of four…mom, dad, and two kids, a boy who looked to be about 12 and a girl who appeared to be 9 or 10. I was close enough to observe without being noticed and to hear without seeming to eavesdrop, which I was really not trying to do, except that I found their interactions extremely disturbing. The entire time I was there, mom and dad carried on an animated conversation with one another, completely ignoring both children. They did not even look at either child. At the time I first noticed them, the boy had almost finished his meal. When he did, he took out what I first thought was a Game Boy but then realized was a small e-reader, and busied himself with that. The little girl poked around at her plate, ate some of what was on it, wriggled in her chair a bit, ate a little more, and finally dove for the book she had stashed under her chair. The children did not speak to each other, either. The only time either child was addressed by a parent was when the mother asked the daughter if she wanted a box for her leftovers. As the child of a family where dinnertime conversation was normal and sometimes uproarious, I was both saddened and appalled. I wondered if there was any kind of communication at all going on in this family, or if the parents were always as detached from their children, and the children from each other, as they seemed to be that evening. I have known families like that, and the effects on the children are NOT pretty. Some of those kids ended up under my roof for varying periods. Others ended up elsewhere. Some probably end up like a former sister-in-law, just always looking for someone to notice them. And some may end up like that kid in Minnesota.