I was just barely 20 when we first went to see my husband's uncle, Charlie (not his real name). He lived in another state, so we didn't visit too often. However, when we did, it was always an event.
My husband's grandmother would open the door and Charlie would be sitting at the table, chain smoking. I'd give him a hug and say, "Hi, Uncle Charlie" and he'd say, "Hi Beautiful" with a big grin. You could tell he must have been a ladies man in his youth.
Was reminded of Uncle Charlie after reading a great diary, "A Black Woman Learns that She Too has Privilege" because he used a wheelchair we we went out.
And went out we did, Charlie used our visit as an excuse to get out of the house. We'd go out to a restaurant for a pleasant meal. With his handicapped sticker, it was easy to find a place to park. He would always insist on paying since he had "plenty of money." That must have been the truth because, after a few years, he and his mom (who continued to be his caretaker after her husband died) moved into a brand-new house designed for his needs.
It was easier for everyone after he had a shower that he could use all by himself and counters low enough that he could fix himself a meal.
Over the years, Charlie got more and more frail. He made no secret that he wanted to die. When he was taken to the hospital one day, it was not much of a surprise that he never came home. Although "they" said his fall shouldn't have been life-threatening, he just gave up and died.
What killed Charlie was not really physical. After being in the war, he was looked up to as one of the "greatest generation." As he got older, damage from old wounds and illness made it harder and harder for him to get around without his mother's help. That must have been awful for a man who had been so vital in his youth.
He was fortunate that he was able to have a social life, of sorts, over his prized CB radio. He was unfortunate that his wife could not handle their relationship when his health declined and eventually left him. Small wonder that he did not want to live.
Uncle Charlie has been gone for a long time, and he has been joined by his mother and all his siblings. My husband and I have found ourselves rapidly becoming the oldest generation in our family. We've been pretty healthy, but have each had casts on an ankle and had to cope with that loss of mobility. Fortunately, it was temporary.
We've never considered ourselves disabled, but the aging process makes us more and more aware that something disabling could happen at any time. Also, none of us are perfectly capable of performing every task without some sort of aid. Who amongst us does not need some help occasionally? We use glasses, hearing aids, reach extenders, power steering, back protectors, goggles, and the like.
Once in a psychology class, they asked us to imagine that we were on a sinking ship with only one life raft, which could only hold half of us. We were supposed to make a case for whether we should be one of those to go on the raft. I was one of the few who opted to not go on the raft.
My thoughts were that I'd be a detriment to the group. Legally blind without correction, it would be unlikely I'd be much use, especially since my contacts would probably be lost or broken during a catastrophe. Also, being an excellent swimmer, I would have hopes of surviving.
If facing such a choice nowadays, I would still opt out. Without a thyroid gland, I'd sicken and die within a few months (assuming we were lost for a long period of time) without daily thyroid replacement pills. Also, I've lived a good life, and would feel guilty going in place of someone else.
There are many things we take for granted in our modern world. One of those is insulin for diabetics. There was an article a while back talking about how diabetes was a death sentence until the 1950s. Before insulin was available, someone whose pancreas stopped functioning would soon die of kidney failure, or slip into a diabetic coma.
Just read that by 2040, the "Boomers" are going to create a big increase in those in their mid-80s. Not that long from now, we'll be faced with lots of "old-timers" in our society. Maybe we should start paying better attention to the needs of the disabled.
After all, remember well the saying:
"There, but for the grace of God, go I."