Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge an individual who has proven time and again to be a remarkably accurate prognosticator on events and issues large and small across the political spectrum of ideas.
History, science, and society have repeatedly shown the often maligned ideas and values espoused by Dirty F. Hippy over the years to be correct. Indeed, Mr. Hippy has been foretelling the future for decades, therefore it is high time we publicly thank Mr. Hippy and vindicate him from the scorn he has so often endured.
Please join me in the parlor room just past the slightly-unnerving orange wankle-squiggle for an in-depth account of Mr. Hippy's triumphs.
UPDATE 6/1/14 - First off, Wow! I jot down something that's been in the back of my mind, run off for the day, come back and find it on the Rec List? I'm truly honored.
I'm also quite chagrined to see so many comments upset that I made the character a male. I of course know that women were just as much if not a larger part of the hippy movement and deserve an equal amount of credit. I was not making a gender statement in any way, only a progressive vs. conservative one. The piece simply works better if I am referring to a single individual, and when I think of a true hippy (or hippie), I think of my father.
Below is only a sampling of issues where history has smiled upon Mr. Hippy's initial claims.
1. GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE
Obviously no list of Mr. Hippy's accomplishments would be complete without this at the top. Dirty F. Hippy was preaching the dangers of environmental catastrophe before Al Gore was an elected government official. Mr. Hippy helped create Earth Day in 1972, and has done all he can to warn about the perils we faced if we ignored the environment ever since. Mr. Hippy first coined the phrase "Global Warming" in 1975. He has laughed at and ridiculed. He nevertheless continued to warn us about the rising danger despite being ignored, belittled, and ostracized for decades.
Today, Global Climate Change is very real, it's effects are already being felt, and Earth must now deal with the coming environmental apocalypse the Mr. Hippy warned us about over 40 years ago.
Mr. Hippy has long been a fan of 'loving the one you're with' no matter one's race, religion, or sexual orientation. He stood alongside the great leaders of the civil rights movement to the extent he could, and has recently shown that same passion in the fight for LGBT rights. Per usual, the initial reaction to his views were scorn, anger, and even fear.
But history, as ever, has been on Mr, Hippy's side. While the fight is not, of course, over, the march of equality cannot be stopped. That same-sex marriage is legal in a number of states, that the attitudes of the public are changing so drastically on the subject, just shows that My. Hippy was once again ahead of the curve.
Everybody knows that Mr. Hippy enjoys his marijuana. That has long been one of the strongest gripes against him. He has constantly said that the naturally-grown substance poses less risk to health and society than the legal drugs of alcohol and tobacco, but has been laughed out of the room.
Today, of course, we are seeing a great awakening of society on the truth. Recreational marijuana is legal in two states, with more states poised to tip over into the light. Research has backed up Mr. Hippy's long-made claims about the potential medical benefits of supervised marijuana use, and society's feelings on the plant have, to use a cliche, totally mellowed, man.
Just as Mr. Hippy told us they would.
4. INCOME INEQUALITY
While one cannot point to a specific instance of Mr. Hippy uttering the phrase 'Corporate Personhood' it is undeniable that Mr. Hippy has never trusted 'soulless' corporations out for profit. He has protested and campaigned against the consolidation of power, warned about the dangers of unfettered greed, and told us time and again not to trust 'the man.'
Mr. Hippy has always known that a system built to reward profit at all costs does not make for an equal society where everyone benefits. He has also long been a foe to Wall Street, even during the 1980s, when Wall Street was cool. Mr. Hippy did not think Wall Street was cool, only that they were dangerous.
It is difficult to argue with the unprecedented amount of income inequality this country faces as more and more wealth ends up in the hands of fewer and fewer people, who are- as predicted by Mr. Hippy- gaming the system to ensure that they can accumulate even more wealth at the expense of all of us.
5. THE IRAQ WAR
To be fair, Mr. Hippy was not alone in his early cries against the Iraq War. Also to be fair, Mr. Hippy has always been against every war, and many would say that M. Hippy first came to national attention due to his opposition to the Vietnam War.
However, while many people were against the Iraq War because they rightly did not want to go to war, Mr. Hippy was there telling us all that we were being lied to. Long before the facts came to light (the Downing Street Memo, the testimony of Richard Clarke, etc.) that the government was altering and selecting the facts in order to get us into a war we did not need to fight, Mr. Hippy told us that these were lies, that we should not trust them.
He was correct, once again.
There are, of course, countless other examples where Mr. Hippy's words and beliefs were proven correct with the passage of time, and in the comments, I invite you to name them.
In closing, I say we raise a glass and toast Mr. Dirty F. Hippy- the world would be a far better place if we listened to what this modern-day Cassandra had to say.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I recognize how easy it is to create a strawman, and admit that I have done so with the creation of Mr. Hippy. I am also aware that Mr. Hippy could just as easily been Ms. Hippy, and I in no way intended to exclude her from the conversation.
The point of the piece, however, is that one can point to countless instances where the progressive, liberal view has been shown to be correct years later, even when they strain against the prevailing beliefs of society.
Can conservatives say the same?
History is a repeating cycle of conservative views slowly molding to fit their progressive counterpart. Not to sound too full of ourselves, but we are almost always right.