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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

There Was A Teabagger
(With apologies to There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly)

There was a teabagger who swallowed Fox lies.
I don’t know why she swallowed those lies.
She ain't too wise

There was a teabagger who swallowed some spin
From Karl Rove who said that Mitt Romney did win
She swallowed the spin to feed the lies
But I don't know why she swallowed the lies
She ain't too wise

House fly
She'da been better off
swallowing one of these.
There was a teabagger who swallowed Beck's bull
Your brain ain't whole if you swallow his bull
She swallowed Beck's bull to feed the spin
From Karl Rove who said gays are livin' in sin
She swallowed the spin to feed the lies
But I don't know why she swallowed the lies
She ain't too wise

There was a teabagger who swallowed the line
That tax cuts for rich folks would trickle down fine
She swallowed the line to feed the bull
She swallowed the bull to feed the spin
From Karl Rove reeking of bourbon and gin
She swallowed the spin to feed the lies
But I don't know why she swallowed the lies
She ain't too wise

There was a teabagger who swallowed this dirt:
"Obama's the devil who we must subvert!"
She swallowed the dirt to feed the line
She swallowed the line to feed the bull
She swallowed the bull to feed the spin
From Karl Rove who said Iraq would be a quick win
She swallowed the spin to feed the lies
But I don't know why she swallowed the lies
She ain't too wise

There was a teabagger who swallowed some truth
She's dead, of course.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Note: Hello, customer service?  I'd like to exchange my current planet for a new one, please.  It broke.  Yes, I'll hold………
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Iowa City Jazz festival logo
9 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Canada Day: 7
Days 'til the Iowa City Jazz Festival: 9
Drop in student fights at school over the last 20 yrs: 50%
(Source: CDC)
Amount GE Capital Bank will pay in fines and refunds for being predatory dickheads to their Hispanic customers: $225 million
Number of states where it's illegal to drive slower than the "normal speed of traffic" in the left lane: 29
(Source: Vox)
Minimum number of KKK chapters around the country: 160
(Source: Southern Poverty Law Center)

World Cup Soccuh
Brazil 4 Cameroon 1  
Mexico 3  Croatia 1
Spain 3  Australia 0
Netherlands 2  Chile 0

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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:

We went into Iraq because it was a training ground for terrorists and they had just attack the United States on 9-11 killing 3000 people in the Twin Towers. To simply do nothing was not an option! Over the years since then, things have changed! There is no way these people will become a "democracy". Eventually, Russia will intervene and they will all unite against their common enemy, Israel. Oil and natural gas will be the targets. At that point we will see the fulfillment of the prophecy in Ezekiel 38-39. The Israeli Geological Institute has been warning people in the north of increasing instability of the fault line that runs from the Dead Sea to Lebanon for several years. It's coming soon!
---Commenter Dows1 at World Net Daily
All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  Bucket list for Little Joe

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CHEERS to Super Duper Tuesday.  Lots of hot primary-candidate-on-primary-candidate action today in the great states of…

3d rendering of a badge for the 2008 presidential election
Colorado
Maryland
Utah
New York
Oklahoma (including a GOP replacement for outgoing Tom Coburn)
South Carolina (runoff)
…and Mississippi (also a runoff)
Will we experience any "Eric Cantor Moments" tonight?  Depending on which way the wind is blowing, 84-year-old Charlie Rangel might get tossed out today. (I predict he hangs on for one more term.)  But the biggest drama will play out in Mississippi with the Night of the Living Tea Party Cannibals, who appear to have quite the appetite for consuming uber-conservative Senator Thad Cochran in favor of even more uber-conservative Chris Whatsizname.  (It's amusing to see Cochran using a campaign strategy of boasting about how much taxpayer money he's sucked from the federal teat---a principle that the tea party says it loathes.)  Stay tuned to Daily Kos tonight as the Elections crew breaks it all down.  And if you're voting today, remember: pinkies up!

JEERS to the Iraq we have, not the Iraq we want or wish to have at another time.  I'll say this for John Kerry: he has some guts to be dropping in on Iraq when all hell is breaking loose.  But, man, talk about futile missions…

Good guys? Bad guys?
Would the NRA know?
Iraqis must bridge their widening sectarian and ethnic divide and unite to face the radical Islamist insurgency threatening the entire country, Secretary of State John F. Kerry said Monday. …  “Iraq faces an existential threat, and Iraq’s leaders have to meet that threat with the incredible urgency that it demands,” Kerry said following meetings with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and other officials.
As his plane was leaving, Kerry airdropped his special parting gift: Dick Cheney in a crate.

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Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!

This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man.  Over at The Boston Globe, Gary Dzen asks: How can the US advance in the World Cup?

Win.

Now back to Cheers and Jeers.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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CHEERS to the 19th century comeback kid.  Grover Cleveland ran this crazy republic from 1885 to 1889, sat on the sidelines for four years after losing to Benjamin Harrison, and then bounced back to wrangle the White House for another term in 1892, making him both #22 and #24.  And check this out: while Lincoln has to make do with the $5 bill and Washington only gets the buck, Cleveland gets the friggin' grand...

Thousand dollar bill federal reserve note
Anyway, he died 106 years ago today and so far he hasn't bounced back from that.  But never fear: new Cleveland campaign manager Karl Rove says, "Never say die!  The numbers are wrong!  The votes aren’t all in from Ohio yet!  I have the math!"  Sounds like someone needs a vacation.

McDonald's worker Keyana McDowell, 20, (L) strikes outside McDonald's in Los Angeles, California, December 5, 2013. Organizers say fast food workers will strike in 100 U.S. cities, and there will be protests in 100 more, to fight for $15 an hour wages and
Add in wage theft, and
they're in single digits.
JEERS to overcooked mouthfuls of low expectations.  I don’t expect fast food to be all that great, but considering we have a love affair with it in this country, I'd have thought that we'd judge it a little better.  According to the American Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI), the best-tasting fast food in their latest survey belongs to Subway and Wendy's, which are tied with a score of 78.  That means there's literally no chain you can go to that will give you food deserving of more than a C-plus.  Turning up dead-last for the 19th year out of 20: McDonald's, at 71.  But the company expects that to change this year when they unveil their exciting new
specialty sandwich: the McLipitor.

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Five years ago in C&J: June 24, 2009

JEERS to the rudeness of strangers.  To the Prudential insurance executive sitting at the table next to me in the Portland coffee shop who conspired---loudly and gleefully---via cellphone with his superiors on the best way to cancel a contract with an unprofitable account on a technicality and then, while explaining the cancellation to that client moments later, said, "Hey, I'm on your side": congratulations on being promoted to Asshole First Class...it's nice to see your hard work paid off.  Hope you enjoyed the free latte I poured in your briefcase.  It's the least I could do.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to making a second entrance into the world.  Behold the species known as dumbassus Americanus:

a young American in Tübingen, Germany had to be rescued by 22 firefighters after getting trapped inside a giant sculpture of a vagina.
"Breathe! Push! Breathe! Push!"
On Friday afternoon, a young American in Tübingen had to be rescued by 22 firefighters after getting trapped inside a giant sculpture of a vagina. The Chacán-Pi (Making Love) artwork by the Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara has been outside Tübingen University's institute for microbiology and virology since 2001 and had previously mainly attracted juvenile sniggers rather than adventurous explorers.

According to De la Jara, the 32-ton sculpture made out of red Veronese marble is meant to signify "the gateway to the world".  Police confirmed that the firefighters turned midwives delivered the student "by hand and without the application of tools".

The kid is doing fine post-delivery.  His dignity remains in intensive care.

Have a nice Tuesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Sting says Bill in Portland Maine won't inherit his $306 million fortune
---N.Y. Daily News

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