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an inherently good person stays stuck in a jail that he can't get out of because no one knows how to relate to the person. That person gets more and more wrecked.

We are pretty much in a broken cycle unless Elizabeth Warren becomes president or a huge uprising results.

I initially was misdiagnosed as ADHD because my dad spoiled me with coke and made me hyperactive. They didn't catch post traumatic stress disorder in me due to my dad's violent alcoholism and verbal abuse in the house. My extremely strong abilities in math, science, piano, choir, dancing Also, ADHD probably was thought of as "safer". It makes me mad that people react the way they react and not realize what someone is going through  They blamed my fear of thunderstorms on me, saying "I am a baby and so immature", making me even more anxious. Everything was my fault. Because I wasn't truly loved and cared for (my mom and brother did the best they could under difficult circumstances but I had trouble reading that and understanding their emotional reactions towards me), I grew cold and emotionless. Asperger's locks your good self in. I was bullied and tormented in every way possible and socially rejected most of the time. I had few friends (even though in my heart I am a very extroverted person and love to talk about anything). Luckily, I was protected by my guidance counselor and assistant principal who protected me from kids who wanted to have me expelled from school. I was viewed as a threat to society. I still struggle sometimes not to take criticism or misread people the wrong way and I can still misread people's intentions often such as when there is spontaneous joking around and touching.

That is why I would misread people who were always negative or brutally honest such as Dan Choi or bobswern etc. I thought you reacted to President Obama because you didn't like him. It was his policies. I acknowledge I was wrong and that Obama has governed as a corporatist (even though republicans have given him a hard time). I had trouble seeing and understanding why it was true. I am sorry I reacted the way I did to those who were always skeptical or harshly critical of him.

Back to my story, luckily, my mom had very high quality insurance and ADHD kept me on my parent's plan. I have been able to afford therapy this past semester to start the healing process. I kept everything a secret till I opened to a roommate who had the heart of my brother but understood me better. I still did above the class average in a very challenging independent case based learning curriculum and have received good reviews from my groups. I have come a long way in making friends and relating to people in person.   .

No good person deserves suffering. The way society has tended towards our mental health but the bad guys get everything. It is wrong. The individual only has control over so much. You can't control the way you were born. You can't control genetics or the weather. You can't control what other people do (especially politicians owned by the evil moneyed interests).

I can relate to so many people. This is why I want to do neurology so people don't have to go through what I went through and continue to advocate for Elizabeth Warren and the people who want the world to be a better place. We have lost too many good people and our poor planet has a very thin ground at best to be "tolerably habitable"


Originally posted to sreeizzle2012 on Wed Jun 25, 2014 at 06:36 PM PDT.

Also republished by KosAbility.

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Comment Preferences

  •  ((((sreeizzle2012)))) Good for you. You are cre... (9+ / 0-)

    ((((sreeizzle2012)))) Good for you. You are creative, have a gifted mind, a good heart, and a bright future!! More power to you! :)

  •  I wish I could give you a hug--I'd ask permission (12+ / 0-)

    first of course.  I don't much care for hugs from strangers myself so I do understand that.

    On the thunder issue--I hate thunderstorms myself and tend to cringe behind closed curtains and drawn shades.  I swwar I died in the London Blitz in a past life.  Lately though I've gotten better.  Helping comfort our 5 ear old Tuxedo Maine Coon min D'Artagnan who is so terrified of thunfer that he shakes and cries piteously ; my husband and I take turns holding him and talking to him.

    I do understand about bullying. I was in 7 schools before I graduated from high school, and my 3rd grade teacher disliked me and encouraged the kids to bully me. And 7th and 8th grade were hell--it was so bas the nuns stepped in once theey found out what was going on==girls do social bullying.  O am glad you're getting therapy. It does help.

    The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

    by irishwitch on Wed Jun 25, 2014 at 07:35:24 PM PDT

    •  Weird kids drag the rest of the world kicking (10+ / 0-)

      screaming into the future.
       A lot of conversation between me and my parents consisted of "whats wrong with you!" (wasn't really a question). They just didn't make sense, and they lied. (those pants really made Aunt Emma's ass look like it needed it's own zip code) I studied social interaction, had absolutely no skill, but eventually got to where I could do a fair fake. Body language, I'm still guessing. But I found a wonderful girl, got married and had two wonderful kids. My daughter, though way too smart, could pass for normal. My son, can deal with anything except conflict, you never see him angry. (good thing, he could pull all the spare pieces off someone) He sold a business app when he was 12.
      Don't ever get 'normal" brother, it'd be a waste of talent.

      Political Realities are an excuse to vote against progress

      by Wood Gas on Wed Jun 25, 2014 at 08:10:11 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Thunderstorms (4+ / 0-)

      I don't mean to take this important post off on a tangent, but I have a suggestion for your kitty's fear of thunderstorms.  There is a product called ThunderShirt that wraps snugly around the pet, calming it in fear situations.  I have not used the cat version, but have found it very successful for my son's chihuahua.

      sreeizzle, you might find a weighted blanket to be helpful with your own storm-related anxiety.  the pressure can be very soothing.  You can Google to find blanket to purchase.  If you have access to a sewing machine, you could try making one yourself with directions found here.

      A lot of what you have written reminds me of things my son went through.  I had to keep telling him to ignore those who told him he was in the happiest years of his life, that it would be so much better when he was an adult.  He's had some rough times, but I think he's really happy now. He has a beautiful wife and a job he loves.  He doesn't have many in-person friends, but he has lots of on-line friends who like and respect him.  I feel like if he can be a success, you can too.

      The past 50 years we: -Ended Jim Crow. -Enacted the Voting Rights Act. -Attained reproductive rights (contraceptive & abortion). -Moved toward pay equity. Republicans want to take our country back. I WON'T GO BACK!

      by petesmom on Wed Jun 25, 2014 at 09:45:39 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  You are certainly allowed (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    sreeizzle2012, bartcopfan

    to choose any savior you like, for whatever reason you like.

    But your story offers no compelling reason for others choose the same one.

  •  Very timely diary. My wife has a young boy with (8+ / 0-)

    Asperger's in a Wednesday night youth theatre group. She has started to read about it and learned some things that might make it a more comfortable experience for him - things like no mid-class changes in the environment, no unexpected requests to switch parts, etc. I'm going to have her read your post. The best to you.

  •  You have really come a long way (5+ / 0-)

    in making friends and relating to people in person.

    I've missed seeing you at the meetups. Hopefully we can get together sometime this summer.

    Shop Liberally this holiday season at Kos Katalog

    by JamieG from Md on Wed Jun 25, 2014 at 08:58:34 PM PDT

  •  My son has asperge's and I worry about him (5+ / 0-)

    he has no friends and is goin on 17. he does ok in school ( most aspies are not in fact geniuses but normal to above normal in IQ ) much better in math, but can't read well and doesn't get things like inference and nuance ( I was an English teacher way back ). State test scores in Math are advanced, decent math SAT's but nothing earth shattering, and meh reading scores. After his first driving lesson the instructor asked me if he was a little "slow" because he couldn't talk to the kid and for 2 hours had no conversation. Does he like sports, asked the x gym teacher. Nope. Unless you count fishing, which he enjoys because he likes nature and never keeps a fish. Any hobbies? He likes rap music. I am terrified of him being overwhelmed by college. he came home with the AP Bio book for next year and asked to get out of the class because he was intimidated, and so was I. he did sign up for public speaking, because he thinks it will help him, He's also very self conscious about a mild scoliosis. I'm worried he'll lose his hair like I did at 20; it was tough on me and I was a lot tougher than him. I don't know what to do with him. And yet I work with kids someo f whom have Asperger's Not all people with Aspergers are shy; many love talking to others, they just come across as off-putting. My son simply doesn't engage in conversation with people. Whenhe was in 8th grade, a girl he liked asked him to the school dance. When she rejected him in high school he never went near another girl again. What shall I do with this kid?

    •  I applaud all of you for speaking out about this (0+ / 0-)

      very important subject. It is really very brave IMHO.
      I work with an Asperger's child in my Equine Therapy group.
      There are many Equine Therapy programs for Special Needs people and most of them show wonderful results.

      My student is a very nice young boy and because of his Equine training he can identify horses with problems when he sees them at the Equine Park where we work. I do more than teach the kids how to ride. I teach them how horses actually work and how to groom and care for them too.

      One day he noticed that a woman was working a lame horse very hard and he got worried for the horse. So, as shy and unsure of himself as he is about reading people, he knew that the horse was in distress.

      Very bravely, and on his own, he approached that woman to alert her to the problem with her horse. He expected her to react well to his observation and to get off and examine her horse: he has learned from me that when my horse is "off", I try to identify the problem.

      Unfortunately, she ignored him. He was hurt and confused of course and his Mom and I had to try to explain to him that adults do not always behave well.

      Naturally he didn't understand, but we helped him see that what he did was very brave and that it was the right thing to do. Even though it didn't work out the way he expected it would, it is always right to do the right thing.

      That's a lesson for all of us don't you think?

      If your son likes animals I recommend a riding program for him. We have seen outstanding results.

    •  Not sure if it will work for your son (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      but my HFA son didn't start to get social skills until he started playing a family safe MMORG. I think he started improving because there were less things to worry about. He didn't have to worry about body language, because the avatars have a much smaller set for those than people do, and they're standardized. He already had something in common with others to talk about (the game), and they found other things as time went on. He learned how to handle trolls and bullies thanks to a really good moderation team, and friends in the game who backed him up. And later he was able to transition those skills into the real world (he's 19 now, started playing when he was about 14). He has several friends he talks to on the phone and in other medium now who he started out with in that game, one of whom is now in the Air Force and plans to come visit when he gets leave. They've even made some Youtube "let's plays" together based on Mine craft.

      If your son likes to play computer games, perhaps an MMORG would be a good bridge to learn social skills and make some friends.

      "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

      by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Jun 26, 2014 at 07:14:19 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Paul Ekman (0+ / 0-)

      I assume that when you say "What shall I do with this kid?" you are literally looking for advice.

      Facial expression are central to the difficulties that ASD children have. Read "Emotion Revealed" by Paul Ekman and watch at least the first season of the TV show Lie To Me, available on Netflix. When you can talk about emotions using clinical language, teach it to him.

      I wish I could refer you to some work on voice inflection, but I have yet to find any. Generally, happiness raises voice tone, anger lowers tone and is more guttural, disgust makes the tone sharp, contempt makes the tone flat, and sadness trails off volume.

      Start explaining this using well drawn animated movies that us human rather than animal characters:
      Toy Story
      Despicable Me
      Star Wars: Clone Wars
      Princess Mononoki
      My Neighbor Totoro
      Gave of the Fireflies
      Spirited Away
      How to Train Your Dragon
      The Incredibles

      Reply for more info...

      If we abandon our allies and their issues, who will defend us and ours?

      by Bryce in Seattle on Thu Jun 26, 2014 at 07:49:27 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Thanks to you and Homer for sharing about Aspies (4+ / 0-)

    I have a beloved nephew in high school who is an Aspie. I am deeply grateful that you would share your stories so that I can understand better his experience of the world, and perhaps how to be more supportive and helpful.

    It is a gift to have an Aspie in my life, and on this board. Please keep us informed how you are doing from time to time.

    •  Asnoted above, i have a son with it and I work (3+ / 0-)

      as a social worker with all kinds of kids, some of whom are aspies. I do not view the condition as a gift. it is a disability, and it has profoundly negative impact on many people who have it. As one parent told me, what good is it if my kid can get good grades if he cannot sit down and enjoy lunch with some friends? I'd rather he had a 99 IQ, got B's and C's and had an active social life.

      •  Borderline Aspie here (4+ / 0-)

        I don't think that your son's life would improve if he conformed better to societal norms at the cost of his intelligence.  I'm saying this as a man with two master's degrees who only averted 1970s "special education" in kindergarten when my parents insisted on an intelligence test.  For God's sake I hope that you do not live in a paddling state like mine was.  

        You probably have a full set of crosses to carry with a gifted, Aspie kid.  If he or she woke up "normal" tomorrow, you'd probably find out within a year that instead of getting rid of your crosses, you merely exchanged them for others.  

        "Politics should be the part-time profession of every citizen who would protect the rights and privileges of free people and who would preserve what is good and fruitful in our national heritage." -- Lucille Ball

        by Yamaneko2 on Thu Jun 26, 2014 at 12:05:45 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  You raise interesting points, I must admit. (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          FloridaSNMOM, bartcopfan

          But it pains me to see other kids enjoying themselves while my own sits alone in his room most of the time. we do things as a family, and I go hiking and fishing with him a lot, but he has yet to show meaningful peer relations. People with Asperger's don't lack empathy or emotions and it hurts many of them that they can't connect with others the way they want to.

          •  It was hard for me, and my case was borderline. (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:

            Funny in retrospect, but not when it happened -- I had to learn "the rules" the hard way.  Some of the less painful examples:  

            1.  When people asked me "How's it going?" I would answer honestly instead of just saying "OK".  For some reason people avoided me after a few such encounters.

            2.  When I asked Mom what she wanted for Mother's Day, she said "nothing" and I complied.  She was then upset because I did not buy her anything.

            3.  Learning how to read faces was like learning a foreign language, but without knowing which language I was to learn.  It's like trying to learn Russian by reading books that change language from page to page, but use the same Cyrillic script.  

            "Politics should be the part-time profession of every citizen who would protect the rights and privileges of free people and who would preserve what is good and fruitful in our national heritage." -- Lucille Ball

            by Yamaneko2 on Fri Jun 27, 2014 at 09:28:26 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

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